I feel like my parents know I am a lesbian because i never had boyfriends, i always was a bit butch and just the way i carried myself made it very obvious i am gay. My parents are sri lankan so they have zero tolerance for this sort of thing, they are pressuring me to marry and have children. Obviously this is something I cant do, financially im independent from them. We never talk about sexuality or anything adult like that, they think being gay is a disease or a mental illness. They have no problem with other people being lgbt but they dont want anyone in our family being lgbt. My depression is spiralling out of control, I need advice about coming out of the closet. How do I come out to conservative parents? should i just tell them then never talk to them again or do i be vague as possible?
Well, you could do it. It just requires living your life in the closet. Which is miserable and something that I do NOT recommend, but it is possible. I do not think that you HAVE to come out. You are 27 and they have not cut you out of their lives yet so they may suspect but are probably just trying to ignore it and are hoping that you "get better". Until you actually get in a relationship with another woman you both can leave this alone if you so choose. If you want to move on with your life (which is what I wish that I had done in my twenties) then probably the fastest way is to just come right out and say "mom, dad I am gay", let them overreact and then walk out. Or, you could give them a chance to accept and if they don't then just walk out and live your own life.
As somebody who did this unknowingly, I can’t express strongly enough how much I would recommend that you do not do this. This kids part is great though (I think anyway), and if that’s something that you want for your future, it might still be possible depending on what services are available where you live. You said that you are financially independent, but you didn’t say whether you live with your parents. If so, would you have somewhere to go if they reacted badly?
hotsauce93.....Hello and a very big welcome to Empty Closets! I agree with @LostInDaydreams, if you are living with them this situation is more difficult than if you are living apart. At some point in our lives, we need to start living for ourselves, not for our parents. That can be touchy if the family is emotionally if not physically, close. Nonetheless, you are who you are and deserve to be able to live your life as you desire. Hopefully, your parents will eventually realize that they will have to at least respect your adult choices as to how you live if they want to have any kind of continuing relationship with you. Sometimes that may take time and you will have to be firm in holding to your decisions. If coming out to them face-to-face is just too scary or if you're concerned about an emotional explosion when you tell them, then a letter might be something you could use to make coming out to them less difficult. There are sample coming out letters here on Empty Closets that you could look at and see if any of them would work for you. Here is the link: COMING OUT LETTERS: http://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/resources/coming-out-letters.php Please also consider talking to a therapist about your situation. If you could find a therapist that lists working with the LGBTQ+ Family as part of their practice, they could be a very big help. The therapist that I talk to has been a tremendous help to me as I have come out and learned to accept myself. Don't forget that you are a part of our LGBTQ+ Family and we do care. Please keep us updated on how all of this goes for you. .....David
