I Think I'm Dating a Jewish Pedophile with a Nazi fetish

Well I have no *proof* that he is a pedophile, or a Nazi fetishist. Just innuendos and hints, and my brain tends to overthink things due to severe anxiety disorders, and assume the worst of people. I posted this thread out of a sudden sense of panic at around 1 in the morning after my brain had just started processing the events of the day and night preceding.

I was hoping for some advice for me to stop overthinking things and assuming terrible things, I was not prepared for a tidal wave of posts basically re-confirming the worst anxieties in my defective brain.

All the people posting here know about this guy is what I've said to them, and I'm a highly unreliable narrator, prone to invent fears and anxieties that are unwarranted. Fears and fantasies that do not exist.

I told my social workers about this situation, and neither of them told me to "run", they just told me to be careful.

I think he is just very artsy and very Jewish, anyone who grew up in NYC knows how (secular) Jews are, prone to esotericism and perhaps kinkiness compared to all the boring Catholics I grew up around. When I was with him it felt like I was in a surrealist film, there was an excitement to it that has been missing from my life.

He texted me today to ask me how my "beautiful golden hair" was doing, he said he wants to hang out again next weekend and caress my golden hair. Flattery always works with me.

I don't foresee marrying this guy, but then I don't foresee marrying anyone, I probably will not be emotionally mature enough to handle marriage until I am 70, if I even live that long. I see this as more of a....spring fling.



But oh gosh I wrote all the above post hours ago and just realized I never clicked submit, I'll post it just to show how crazy I am getting, I have like two different personalities, now I am in panic again. I think the psych meds are really fucking me up. When I'm on the meds I really want to see him, when the meds wear off I get overtaken by panic about this guy and what I've just agreed to. I really am going crazy. Maybe he really is just a nice guy with some quirks, idk, it seems like whether I see him again or not will depend on how many pills I've swallowed. I don't know whether it's my natural judgment against seeing this guy that is clouded by my irrational anxieties, or my medicated judgment to really want to see him that is clouded by GABA. I need to find some middle ground to come up with a rational solution. But even now, when I'm feeling pretty creeped out by him, I really don't think he is dangerous, some people here seem to have even more overactive imaginations than I do, I really highly doubt he has some fantasy to "gas" me as some Jewish revenge against Nazis, I think he is just highly interested in me physically and I need to evaluate whether I want that kind of relationship. I need more time to think about it. I thank you all for the advice in the meantime.

 

I really don't think he would want to kill me. I mean, he had a prime chance when he had me over his place, I vomited all over his bed and was a sick drunken invalid in his house, he would have had plenty of motive and opportunity to want to kill me at that point if that was his intent.

Instead he took care of me, the next morning gave me some bread and butter and made coffee sitting and chatting with him and his friend (she's studying to be a psychologist) at his kitchen table, he printed out directions for how to get home for me, he texted me to make sure I got home safely.

I mean, he's made pretty clear that he finds me beautiful, I don't think he would want to kill me. I really don't fear violence from him, I just am creeped out by some of his expressed sentiments.

It's like that movie "Doubt" with Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Meryl Streep and Amy Adams, where you don't know whether Hoffman (a priest) is a pedophile or not, he is eventually forced to step down from the pulpit at the Catholic school by the nun principal due to her suspicions, and at the end Meryl Streep (the nun principal) breaks down crying saying "I have doubts, I have such doubts".

I don't know how I find myself in the most bizarre situations. Am I dating a pedophile who is 2 years younger than I am? Am I dating a Jew with a Nazi fetish for the Hitler Youth look?

I have doubts, I have such doubts...:tears:

 

My social worker argues with me and tells me what to do all the time. In fact I've complained to her that she argues too much and she tells me she just wants to "challenge" my thinking. But even she didn't say to stop seeing this guy. She just scolded me for not using a condom for oral sex and told me to be using protection. But she told me I have no proof that he's a pedophile or anything and that I'm prejudging him based on shaky evidence and irrational anxiety.

Ha well I guess that hits the nail on the head then about my own emotional health. :eek:

I'm really crazy! :eusa_shif

Right now I've just been texting him and we've been having normal, ordinary conversation about regular things. Nothing weird or creepy.

I'm also chatting with some other guys, some seem promising, though I don't like to get my hopes up. But I'm keeping my options open.

My lifelong track record has been to be an anxiety-prone, risk-averse loner, and that left me a friendless, relationshipless, pathetic loser. Sometimes chances have to be taken, and I think I need to take this chance.

 

What kind of "very bad stuff" could he tempt me into? He had me in his house in the most vulnerable state possible, I had just vomited all over his bed, and all he did was end up taking care of me, he let me stay until noon the next day, made me coffee, fed me, introduced me to his friend, gave me directions home, texted me to make sure I got home safe. He may have said some things with creepy undertones, but I really don't think he is malicious.

 

Alright well I'm still deciding on what to do.

He says he wants to meet to hang out next weekend. If you guys never hear from me again after that, then you can all give yourselves pats on the back with the sense of smug satisfaction at being proven right.

---------- Post added 13th Apr 2014 at 02:42 AM ----------

That's like the definition of "camp". Perhaps that is what attracts me to this relationship. It is as campy as could possibly be.

However this guy is a real person, I could link you to his crazy YouTube videos, but his account uses his real full name, so not sure if that would be appropriate. But he's like, too ridiculous to be real. That's what make him so oddly alluring to me.

Anyway, I'm meeting some other guy on Wednesday, he invited me to his place to watch Disney movies and play Pokemon, maybe I will find true love and forget all about the campy crazy guy.

Watch this space.

 

He's 21, I'm 23. How could he possibly be "grooming" me like a pedophile? That's like entering Bizarro World. What is he going to do to me? We are both adults well past the age of consent. And I am quite self-aware and perceptive of others and their motives. I have my mental issues, but I have anxiety disorders, not mental retardation, my mind envisions every possible negative consequence imaginable. Most of my fears and anxieties are unwarranted and I need to stop letting fear and anxiety rule my life.

We went out on a date- he paid for dinner. Then we went to a cafe where we just sat and chatted for a while about a whole variety of subjects. Then we went for drinks- we split that bill. Then I went back to his place and engaged in consensual oral sex. It was a fun time until I ruined it and threw up all over his bed. Most guys probably would have just kicked me out on the street at that point, but instead he was really nice and took care of me.

I hardly ever have a guy interested in a second date after going on a first date. I certainly never have had a guy actively interested in pursuing a second date with me, most guys don't even respond to my texts after our first date. And this is the first time I've actually vomited all over a guy's bed! There must be something special about him if he's still interested in me after that.

Last night we had a nice friendly normal text conversation. Nothing about Nazis or priests or any other weird things. He has a lot of problems with his parents too, something we have something in common. It really calmed down my fears about him. I don't think there is any harm done in giving him another chance. (Hell, I'm lucky he is giving me another chance, considering I vomited all over his bed, ruined the night, and got him in trouble with his parents.)

If anything I feel like people in this thread are treating me like a middle schooler and talking down to me. I asked for advice, not to be told what to do and then mocked as being too stupid to make my own decision. Just to remind everyone, I'm not actually a middle schooler. I'm not as stupid as I look.

I really don't see what a case about a psychotic cannibal porn actor in Canada has to do with this. This guy has his quirks, but I've seen nothing to indicate violent tendencies. He has had ample chance to harm me if that were his intention.

One thing I've resolved is that if I do see him again, I will be strictly limiting my alcohol consumption to ensure I maintain my faculties.

But anyway, I don't have any plans at this point to meet with him again. We'll probably be texting a bit more and I'll be able to get to know him better before deciding whether to go out with him again.

If anything I'm more nervous about this Hispanic guy who wants me to go over his place when we like literally just met online last night, he wanted me to go over tomorrow, I told him maybe Wednesday. And he got rather pervy in his comments towards me. What started off as him inviting me to watch Disney movies and play Pokemon ended up with him telling me he's "rock hard" thinking about my "cute little butt"...ugh gay guys are all perverted creeps. I was going to suggest maybe just meeting for coffee instead. But now he's inviting me to have a threesome with him and his friend tomorrow morning. I seem to really know how to attract the biggest creeps. So now I just want to figure out a way to extricate myself from that situation completely. I think I'll just tell him I think we're looking for different things...

Ugh even the ugliest and nastiest of straight guys seem to be able to easily find normal attractive girlfriends and have normal healthy relationships. Lesbians have it even better, not having to deal with men at all. Men are creeps. Navigating the pitfalls of gay male dating culture is a Sisyphean task. There are like, no normal gay guys out there. And I'm tired of being alone...:tears:

 

Well maybe it was all a joke. Jewish humor. Maybe he is putting on act for the sake of camp. I don't even know any more. I think maybe some more text conversation will help me decide what to do with him.

But right now I'm dealing with this situation with the Hispanic guy I just met online last night. I never responded after he said he wanted me to join him and his friend for "kinky" "fun" tomorrow morning. Now a few hours later he asked "did I say something wrong" so I have to come up with some sort of response. At this point I've rather lost interest in him, I need to let him down easy somehow :bang:.