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I think I’m non-binary or trans but I can’t sort myself out. Help?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by megatoad, Jun 24, 2020.

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  1. megatoad

    megatoad
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2020
    Messages:
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    Location:
    Twin Cities
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I’m AFAB, and pretty much up until high school that was what I identified with. Recently, I’ve been feeling that I might be a boy and I definitely experienced gender dysphoria as a girl, and euphoria when I first tried binding and presenting as male, but I also enjoy some feminine things and when I present as a boy for too long I end up anxious from trying to fit that mold too. I love using boy terms like uncle, boyfriend, or mister and I feel bad with aunt, girlfriend, or miss, but I also like skirts and blouses and things that are very much coded female.
    I don’t know what kind of pronouns I want to use; I like he/him but I’m scared to ask people to call me that, I might fit being non-binary more but I have trouble with they/them because I’m still getting used to those pronouns even being a thing since I was a fairly sheltered kid in this regard, and she/her doesn’t feel awful but it still feels wrong. I haven’t looked closely at other gender-neutral pronouns because those feel like the hardest to get others to use, but maybe one of those will fit better?
    I feel more comfortable with binding than with having boobs, but I think I might like a male body in connection with a feminine wardrobe? Like I want to physically be a man, and be referred to as such, but wear skirts and stuff still? But with that being said, I feel like a poser, trans-trender, etc for saying I’m trans while not making the effort to dress male? I don’t know if maybe I’m bigender or third gender or agender or maybe actually just a girl who hates her body or a boy who can’t forget what he was taught to enjoy as a girl, and I’m just super confused and hoping for guidance.
    I’m 14 at this point, I’ll be starting 10th grade in the fall, and I don’t want to feel this conflicted forever, so I figured i could ask you guys for help? Or maybe just screaming into the void will help my brain kick in and tell me what’s going on with me and I can figure it out.
     
    #1 megatoad, Jun 24, 2020
    whatisaman likes this.
  2. Dandygoth

    Dandygoth
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2020
    Messages:
    7
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    8
    Location:
    Chicago-ish
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Hi! You remind me a lot of me. It sounds like you've already spent time exploring your gender identity, so unfortunately, it just takes more time to get a better feel for what you feel comfortable with. There's a lot of judgment to deal with--sexism, transphobia--and that all sucks. But just try to lean into what you feel is a good fit for you, even if it doesn't make sense or makes you worry about being called a "trans-trender." You're luckier than me in that I didn't start facing any of this until I was 29! I know it feels like forever, but you have so much time ahead of you. Things will be ok.

    You can be a guy and still enjoy skirts and blouses. You can be nonbinary and still use he/him pronouns. You can be a woman with a flat/masculine chest. All those things are allowed, and more.

    If you're asking for a label, I think nonbinary is a good fit for you right now. Some nonbinary people identify as trans, and some don't, so you can just feel around and pick what you like. You don't sound cisgender to me, if that also helps. I think most cis women prefer to go about the world as women, even if it's not particularly enjoyable (sexism and all that), and they don't really want to pursue masculine things like chest binding as a form of self-expression (but as a costume? maybe). I hope this helps.
     
    #2 Dandygoth, Jun 27, 2020
    whatisaman likes this.
  3. SophiaK

    SophiaK
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2020
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    U.S.
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hah, I think we're in the same boat, but on opposite sides (and I'm 41, not 14... talk about coincidences). I love dressing up as a woman, and doing things society might regard as girly (gardening and cooking), as well as reading books and playing video games. I want to transition MTF, but I'm okay with keeping my you-know-what. Try not to worry about how you should identify yourself, just be the you that you want to be, first, then you can figure the rest out, later.
     
    #3 SophiaK, Jul 1, 2020
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