I’ve gone to a couple LGBTQ+ meet ups near me and they make me feel better but I feel like in between my confidence in my sexuality dwindles. Like half the time “I’m definitely gay, 100%, like why would I ever date a guy?!” and then other times I’m like “well….maybe there is one guy out there…and if one guy exists then maybe I’m straight…and then I don’t have to deal with coming out and the stress and all that…” but also “I really want to date a girl now, for the first time in my life I actually want to date” I’ve watched a lot of YouTube videos and someone said if you’re bi (which is what I silently told myself I was for a long time) your percentage is maybe something like 60/40 70/30 but you’re probably a lesbian if it’s like 99/1, which made me feel so seen….except my brain keeps trying to rationalize the 1% instead of accepting the 99%. My mom doesn’t know that the group I’m going to is essentially my gay support group so she doesn’t understand why I feel the need to go every event I can but I still don’t feel ready to come out : ( I don’t have any friends so I don’t even have anyone to talk to about all this, it’s just a constant fight in my head and now my head hurts Thanks for listening to my venting On the bright side I did update my orientation on here from questioning to gay
I personally don't think that there is some magical ratio between bi and gay. It's how you choose to define it. That being said, I am totally guilty of trying to define that ratio. However, I don't think 99/1 is anywhere near enough to call yourself straight, at least I couldn't.
I definitely don't think I'm straight and probably not even bisexual, I'm not sure I've ever been attracted to a guy and don't really like the idea of dating one. Over the years I've felt like my Kinsey Scale has gone from 3 to 4 to 5 and now is like a 5.75 the more I think on it, hence the 1%. I have a math brain so I'm always trying to figure out percentages and ratios for things that don't really need it. Part of me is really excited to realize and accept that I'm gay and that now the world of dating is actually appealing, it's just that the other part of me keeps wanting to cling to the possibility that I fit into normal societal expectations even in the smallest amount even if that's the small part of me that feels forced. Again I think I'm in my head waaaayy too much.
Intrusive thoughts can definitely lead to a chain reaction of overthinking. But from what it sounds like, you’re not straight. A straight person would exclusively be interested in the opposite sex. A straight woman wouldn’t be having these thoughts in the first place — and also wouldn’t want to date another woman. As for the ratio thing, I suppose there are a few different opinions floating around on what could constitute as bisexuality. I know what I personally believe in at least. Not all bi people have remotely evenly distributed preferences, so to me whoever said this seems a little ignorant of how diverse the bi experience can be. Some bisexuals are closer to 90/10. And I know of a few bi women (including myself) who have much more dramatic ratios than even that. I don’t know how far I’d trust people on YouTube nowadays to inform others on sexualities — there are many misconceptions going around. I also think it can become an easy cycle of seeking external sources to help you feel validated in some way, rather than learning to find truth and acceptance within yourself (which is a mistake I once made). I understand how hard it can be to not hyper-analyse yourself though! No matter what your orientation. In the end if you can only see yourself being happy with a woman and want to date women and not men, you have every right to do so and embrace this. And it’s a good and natural thing. You deserve to be happy. You don’t need to pressure yourself to envision any future with a man, even though society may often push that agenda.
