1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I suspect that I am trans but I am not sure

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by MDreams, Jul 27, 2021.

  1. MDreams

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2021
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Argentina
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Hi!, first of all I want to say that I am from Argentina and I am using the translator. I say it in case something is misspelled.

    I'm a girl, but I'm not really sure. I have been feeling unhappy for quite some time but lately I have become more aware of that unhappiness. It became clearer when one day with my cousin we dressed up as a boy and made our hair appear shorter. It was a game but I felt very comfortable and happy. I came home like this and even at school it made my hair look shorter. My colleagues started calling me by the male version of my name jokingly but I really liked that. At that time I did not think about it but I do not know why now I have that doubt. Now I usually imagine myself as a man living normally, I also buy more masculine clothes and wear hats to hide my long hair. I asked my parents several times to cut my hair but they always refused. I also try to hide my breasts with clothes to hide them. I enjoy the company of other men more because I feel that I fit in there but I feel bad that they never see me as another boy and do not treat me as they treat each other. I'm not entirely sure, I've been reading that many trans people are aware that they are from a very young age, but as a child I did not feel unhappy with being a woman. Even today I feel reluctance to, for example, undergo any treatment. It also brings me many fears. If I am trans, that means that I am a boy with the body of a woman who does not want to undergo treatment and that would bring me a lot of problems when finding a partner. There is also the fear that I have of the social change that I may have. I like the social treatment that I have as a woman and I am afraid that this social treatment will change if I identify as a man. I do not know what to do or where to start to resolve this question and I do not want to tell anyone close in case it ends up being that I am not trans, I do not want to worry them or make them believe something wrong.
     
  2. MDreams

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2021
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Argentina
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I haven't told my parents yet, but I asked them if I could cut my hair and they said yes. So I'm sure in no time to have a new, more masculine hairstyle. I want to go little by little to see if I feel comfortable.
     
    CharlieLuca, Mihael and DragonChaser like this.
  3. DragonChaser

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2021
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    US
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hello, MDream. I'm going to try to use simple English in case there are any issues with the translation, but I feel I got the point from what you posted and, as a transwoman, I want to offer what help I can.

    First, I want to say that if you feel like changing your gender expression, like how you dress and act and what you want to be called, would put you at risk for direct harm, like you would be attacked, I must tell you to keep it hidden for now. I hate to say this, because I know it is painful to hide it, but it is best to be safe even if it means you must stay private.

    Second, being transgender has many meanings. In my case, I want to be seen only as a woman and I am seeking hormone therapy to assist me, but I am a more common example. There are many transgender people that do not use hormone treatments, surgeries, or name changing.

    These are people who are called "non-binary." I don't know if there is a translation for this in your native language (Spanish I assume, forgive me if I'm wrong) but it basically means you do not fall into either male or female and prefer to express yourself somewhere in between or change them from time to time.

    Even if you want to be seen as a man, you don't need hormones or surgeries to do so. Plenty of transmen and transwomen are happy and valid without them. As far as your comfort with yourself as when you were younger, this is normal. Children have a simple understanding of gender and the baggage of being one or the other is a little too complicated for them to grasp.

    For another personal example, I was happy to be known as a boy when I was a kid, but I have lots of memories of the times I asked my grandmother to put makeup on me or how I played with Barbies with my sister or the way I loved cute stuffed animals or all the times I wanted to try on girls clothes and styles or how I wanted to be a girl scout.

    That said, if you find some days you're more comfortable as a woman, don't be ashamed and don't feel like that means you aren't who say you are. So often people think their identity was just a "phase" when their feelings have changed, but feelings change because we learn more about what we really hope to gain out of transitioning. There are no instructions for us. We're all just following our hearts.

    My point is to always remember to be who you want to be, not who others expect you to be based on a label they don't understand. Transgenderism is not a switch with an on or an off. It's an identity and those are often as complex as the stars.

    I would encourage you to keep exploring at the pace you've chosen. Slowly. Figure out how far you want to go and then take small steps to bring that person forward. Sometimes friends and family can figure things out themselves. Sometimes, even with years of changes, you still need to explain it to them. But I must again say that you should be careful and always keep safety in mind.

    Don't risk losing your home or your life. If you can find a way out of a bad situation, I would say you should take it. It may mean leaving some people behind. I'm sorry to say this, but it is just the world we live in. Don't let go of who you are, of course, but be careful. There are still many places that are dangerous for us, but there are also many places we can find acceptance and love.

    There's one out there for you too. Be proud of who you are. Celebrate it. Find your place and let yourself grow. I believe in you and I'm here for you :blush:
     
    Mihael likes this.
  4. Mihael

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2015
    Messages:
    2,842
    Likes Received:
    582
    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Me too. I live and pass as a guy without that. My passing could be better with hormones, but what I have is enough for me.
    Same here. I mean, I think I paid little attention to gender. I identified as a girl, because this is what I was told.

    It's great that you can get shorter hair :slight_smile:

    It's okay to take your time and take small steps.

    And about worrying that you're not trans enough - those stereotypes do a disservice to a lot of people. Follow what you feel and what makes you feel good and comfortable.
     
    DragonChaser likes this.
  5. Odyssey

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2021
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I joined this forum for a similar reason, so I get what you're dealing with. While I still tend to identify with being a cis female, a lot of the time I hate it and want to be perceived as non-binary or just masculine. I don't want to medically transition or be a full guy, but it can be really hard to just handle it on a daily basis. The thing that keeps me going is the fact that I don't have to be fully a trans guy or fully a cis girl. There's a middle that I can find, and I'm on my way to getting there. It's really scary to actually admit this to others, though. I'm not out to anyone, and I don't plan on coming out anytime soon - I don't even know what I'd come out as! I'm no master of advice, but just try to keep on going. Take each day like it is, and it's okay if your identity is extremely weird sometimes. We'll both get through this!