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i suck at titles: transgender FTM?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by elboman, Mar 18, 2017.

  1. elboman

    Regular Member

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    i'm in advance going to apologize for any spelling mistakes or if my sentences do not make any sense, i am not a native english speaker.

    so anyways i'm really confused about my gender I've been questioning myself so much. because well i'm so sure i'm not cisgender and i think i am transgender (FTM) but i'm not really sure. i'm scared that if i all of a sudden come out or idk take T or something i'm going to realize i am not transgender which freaks me out so much.

    but i feel like a boy. i love being called a boy. i love when i go at the supermarket and the cashier is like "its "3.55 mister" it brings me joy. i love when people call me by the pronouns he/him and i do hate she/her. i hate when we call me girl and gurl even if boys are called gurl for fun or whatever.
    i also really hate my chest i cry about it, sometimes i dream about me being a boy and i wake up crying, because its what i want. and unfortunately i don't have a binder which i want so much

    as a kid i always hated girls toys or girls. i used to play with boys and cars. i was a boy. and then in middle school every one was like you're a girl you should dress like so. so i did, but i was so unhappy. i forced myself to put make up, but i hated it, it was so uncomfortable.
    and so this year i started wearing guys cloths again and i cut my hair really short which made me so so happy.

    also i used to play basketball in a "mix team" (there was only boys and me) and so about two years ago i had to go in a girls team. i didn't like it, the way they played, the way they acted. guys were so much cooler. and i have no idea why and now maybe i'm wondering if its because i didn't belong in a girls team

    and there are so many other things, but i have no idea if i'm trans and its eating me out. so if anyone could idk help me? i also really want to see a gender therapist but i don't want to bring the subject to my mother any advice?
     
  2. Irisviel

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    well, you sound pretty sure of it even if you can't really come to terms with it. All you wrote feels like a need for confirmation which is a rather distinct sign of its being true most likely.

    Well, you don't need to go to a gender therapist. Can be a psychologist, best if clinical. If your country is alright then maybe a school counselor if you need your parents not to know but that's always an iffy thing. But perhaps if you have problems that come from your gender issues, you could talk your mother into getting you a therapist, with whom you would talk more honestly and prepare yourself for a talk with parents. That's assuming you want to try with not telling them first which can be reasonable depending on the parents.
     
  3. elboman

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    thanks :slight_smile:) i guess its better a psychologist but i'm scared to ask for some reason. and i wish i had a school counselor :// and i do think my mom is really open, just like my sister but i feel like i don,t have the guts to do so?
    sorry if i don't make any sense
     
  4. Rickystarr

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    You have a while to think it over, you don't have to decide right away. But from what you've said you may very well be trans.

    Also as a side note your English is pretty good but one rather hilarious error you did make was saying "It's eating me out" rather than "eating me up". Eating out is slang for oral sex (if you say it about a person). Just pointing out because it made me laugh haha. And so you understand why people may look at you funny if you say that.
     
    #4 Rickystarr, Mar 18, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2017