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I screwed up

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Bazinga87, Jun 7, 2018.

  1. Bazinga87

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    So I have a love hate relationship with alcohol and not last night but the night before I over indulged and over shared with the wrong person.

    So my wife's step brother, that I have been friends with for longer than I've known my wife, comes to visit for a week from time to time. It's been a while since the last time but he came this week.

    We usually drink and game when he comes around. Well I over drank and came out to him. Never planned on it but it's just bubbling out at times and especially when I'm drunk now I guess.

    So I pleaded for him to give me time and to not say anything and he agreed. Fast forward to yesterday, I had group and when I got out I had a text from my wife saying he has been drinking since 2 and I knew then I was in for some shit.

    I get home, eat dinner and as the night progressed he started hinting at things and would not drop it. Side note, my wife knows I'm bi but I'm feeling really fat at the moment. He is calling me out to fight and saying he is a better man than me. I stood my ground by telling him if it makes him feel better that this queer fav is lesser of a man, than I'm lesser of a man. I told him that he had three options, beat my fag ass and go to jail, go to sleep and/or leave tomorrow to go home.

    Once I called myself names in front of my wife and him and made it clear he can't hold me hostage in my own house he changed his tune some and didn't attack me but my wife and I went to bed and told him to do the same.

    His dad is on his way down to pick him up, he is not allowed back and I lost a friend of 16 years because of what I am.

    My wife is calling her parents to talk to them about me so they can hear it from the source and not him. I was ripped out of the closet in this instance and that sucks but I have faced my worst fear. A homophobe that I stood up to with dignity. The situation sucks but I feel good about it. That's probably weird but it is what it is.

    Sorry for the rant but wanted to share that
     
  2. Bazinga87

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    Lol, it auto corrected gay to fat up there. That's a different issue and the reason I'm on keto . Also I wanted to add that his closed mindedness and homophobic reactions ended it, not what I am, I'm done blaming everything on what I am
     
  3. Lia444

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    I’m curious to ask what happens now? Are you going to stay with your wife? I would assume that now she knows you’re gay and not bi that she won’t want to stay in the relationship? Do you have kids? Don’t feel bad but at least now it’s out there so maybe it was meant to be.
     
  4. TravelerMe

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    You may or may not have lost a friend but not because of what you are but because of his reaction to the truth; something out of your control.
    You cannot control his actions only how you perceive and deal with them. Reminds me of 2 of my favorite stoic quotes:
    "To make the best of what is in our power and take the rest as it occurs"-Epictetus
    "Someone despises me, that's their problem" - Marcus Aurelius
     
    #4 TravelerMe, Jun 7, 2018
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2018
  5. HDIGH

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    It sucks that you lost a friend but congratulations for standing up for yourself. It sounds like your wife is ok with your bisexuality and she and you are the only ones who count in this equation. Good luck and keep strong.
     
  6. SevnButton

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    Hey @Bazinga87, that's intense! And admirable! When I read the line about losing a friend of 16 years because of who you are, I said out loud, "No!". It's because of who he is. There may have been a good friendship on the surface, but that it crumbled so quickly in the presence of truth shows there wasn't much depth to it. The way you stood up to his bullying is totally impressive, and I've learned from you. Thanks for posting!
    =Sevn
     
  7. Bazinga87

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    I was able to damage control enough to keep the status quo of being bi until I have things figured out. I love my wife and have been best friends with her for so long so I can't answer what is going to happen but I can answer that I go to group and on the path to find out.

    We have no kids just some fur babies so no extra tangles in that aspect.

    Thank you for your support though it means a lot to me
     
  8. Bazinga87

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    You are right, things could mend eventually but as of now I don't want to and don't feel I will put that effort in. Thanks for the response and those quotes are good and you are right, I can only control what I can and have to love with what I can't.

    I really appreciate your continued support over the years and feel for the first time I'm finding myself rather than blaming myself
     
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  9. Bazinga87

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    Thank you for that. She is a very open person and throughout my journey I have learned that I am very lucky in that way and at times feel I probably don't deserve it.
     
  10. Bazinga87

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    Thank you for reading and your support too. I'm glad that you feel that you have learned from it. I did try to edit that sentence but was too late (5 min window I guess). My mind has always thought the way i typed that but I'm trying to train myself to think the right way now.
     
  11. SevnButton

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    Those are really powerful words! Good on ya, mate!
     
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  12. Lia444

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    I don’t doubt that you love your wife and you don’t want to lose your friendship etc and I don’t know your story or what your relationship is like but I can’t help but think that, doesn’t she deserve to find someone that is attracted to women physically and emotionally? If I was her then I would like to know, so we can work through it and decide what is best to do for both our futures.
     
  13. Bazinga87

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    You are exactly right, I am on that path to do so. I'm just not ready yet. She does deserve that all and I will have to face it and feel close
     
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