Hey everyone, I wrote this down as best as I could. Maybe some of you can offer advice on what I should do... At the end of last year, I was dating a guy who I really liked. He was exactly my type and we hit it off very well. I enjoyed his company and wanted to get in a relationship with him. For reasons that I still don’t know until this day, he ghosted me. I tried texting and calling him for several weeks until I gave up. I still haven’t heard anything from him. After that, I was ready to give up dating because I was feeling very bad mentally. However, I got a match with a Japanese guy. Initially, I didn’t want to respond, but I did, because I’m learning Japanese and I wanted someone to practice with. So, we texted for a few days and decided to meet up. We immediately liked each other; we shared very private things and talked about serious topics. However, at the end of the meeting, I told him that I wasn’t looking for a relationship right now because of my past experience. He understood and we agreed to become friends. We have been meeting regularly ever since (every week, sometimes every two weeks). I consider him a very good friend and I’m looking forward to meeting him every time. He’s also helped me moving and visited me in my new apartment. After two months, I was contemplating whether I should ask him to date me, because I had realised that I really liked him. But, before I could ask him, he finally opened up to me that he was seeing another guy and that it was pretty serious. He asked me for some advice and how he could best communicate to him that he wanted a relationship. I didn’t expect to feel like it, but I was emotionally done; I kept face in front of him, but when I got home I cried for the first time in years lol. Since then, he has talked to me about his relationship and asked me for advice and I’ve told him what I think (they are officially together now). He shares almost everything about his relationship with me and I can see that he’s really happy and that the guy is treating him well. I feel happy for him, but at the same time, I’m jealous and I hate myself for it. I can’t help the way I feel, but it is what it is. I’m still seeing him regularly. I’ve been dating another guy recently, but I can’t stop thinking about him and that makes me feel even worse. I feel like an idiot because I initially rejected him and now I’m unhappy. But I also can’t imagine to “cancel” our friendship because it allows me to spend time with him. As it is, I feel sad and happy at the same time whenever we spent time together. What should I do?
You probably need space from this friend. One thing I've seen both in others and sometimes myself is that even in platonic relationships, people want some kind of mutual attention. When romantic feelings are involved, it's very hard to think focus on just friendship. You could if you really wanted to reveal your feelings, but you have to be prepared for the consequences. It might be safer to wait and see how his current relationship goes before revealing your feelings.
I would never say that I'm not looking for a relationship to someone I'm attracted to. You put up a wall between you two right from the start. What I would do at this moment is just confess to him and wait. I would hope that maybe he likes me more than his new friend and after I removed the wall he may decide something. I can't advice you to do it though, it's just what I would do.
I think it was off for him to “match” w you (I presume on a dating site), get you emotionally invested, and then treat you like just a friend. Secondly, I tend to draw a clear line between people I am dating or interested in dating and friends, because in my experience trying to be friends with someone I like just leads to agony. As much as you might like this guy, I would leave him be and find somebody else.
Really sorry for that.. You can talk with him about your feelings, I don't think you will be together, but letting go of emotions and feelings is very important
