I realised I kind of act like the opposite gender of whatever I look like/am treated as

I realise how bizarre this might sound, so let me explain (I hope someone might relate).

I’m AFAB and I’ve been questioning my gender for a long time (like, years). It’s fluctuated between transman to androgynous to agender to genderfluid but nothing quite seems to fit.

I’ve come to realise through trial and error that I feel uncomfortable identifying/presenting entirely as either a girl or a boy. I have short hair and wear typically ‘male’ clothes, but I haven’t come out to anyone so socially I’m still treated as a girl. In these situations, I like to act a bit masculine because that’s what makes me comfortable, and that’s what I usually feel like. It also makes me uncomfortable to wear really girly things in these situations - fun sometimes, like putting on a costume, but I don’t feel like myself.

And recently, I realised the flipside of that. Basically the only time I’ll feel comfortable being stereotypically feminine is when I’m alone and cross-dressing as a guy (i.e. packing and binding), or when I’m out at a gay bar dressed like a dude, and i feel great and flamboyant and kinda girly (despite being often read as a guy). On these nights I feel almost like a super sexy, beautiful man in drag, in the best way.

Can anyone relate? I’m thinking it might be because of what I mentioned before, how I feel uncomfortable being 100% boy or girl so my brain compensates by playing up femininity or masculinity. It’s like I’m only comfortable being either a really masculine woman or a really feminine guy. Is there even a word for this kind of gender identity? Is this a common thing for nonbinary or trans people? Thanks