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I realised I kind of act like the opposite gender of whatever I look like/am treated as

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by rainbowdolphin, Feb 14, 2018.

  1. rainbowdolphin

    Regular Member

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    I realise how bizarre this might sound, so let me explain (I hope someone might relate).

    I’m AFAB and I’ve been questioning my gender for a long time (like, years). It’s fluctuated between transman to androgynous to agender to genderfluid but nothing quite seems to fit.

    I’ve come to realise through trial and error that I feel uncomfortable identifying/presenting entirely as either a girl or a boy. I have short hair and wear typically ‘male’ clothes, but I haven’t come out to anyone so socially I’m still treated as a girl. In these situations, I like to act a bit masculine because that’s what makes me comfortable, and that’s what I usually feel like. It also makes me uncomfortable to wear really girly things in these situations - fun sometimes, like putting on a costume, but I don’t feel like myself.

    And recently, I realised the flipside of that. Basically the only time I’ll feel comfortable being stereotypically feminine is when I’m alone and cross-dressing as a guy (i.e. packing and binding), or when I’m out at a gay bar dressed like a dude, and i feel great and flamboyant and kinda girly (despite being often read as a guy). On these nights I feel almost like a super sexy, beautiful man in drag, in the best way.

    Can anyone relate? I’m thinking it might be because of what I mentioned before, how I feel uncomfortable being 100% boy or girl so my brain compensates by playing up femininity or masculinity. It’s like I’m only comfortable being either a really masculine woman or a really feminine guy. Is there even a word for this kind of gender identity? Is this a common thing for nonbinary or trans people? Thanks :slight_smile:
     
    #1 rainbowdolphin, Feb 14, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2018
  2. Secrets5

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    The word is gender non-conforming. It isn't a gender in itself but just describes how one presents their gender. Everyone experiences gender differently so there isn't a catch-all label for everyone's unique biology/experiences. Below I'll list the commonly used genders (at least in lgbt groups):

    Male
    Female
    (Agender - no or refusal for gender
    Demi-gender - somewhere between male/female and Agender
    Bigender - combination of two genders
    Genderfluid - moving between genders
    Genderqueer - nonconforming gender. Rejection of traditional gender binaries and/or gender expression)

    The purpose of labels is to quickly explain an experience that can be universally/culturally felt or understood. If you go outside male and female, it tends to only be useful in lgbt/feminist groups since no one knows really about non-binary. Within lgbt groups if you go beyond the commonly accepted non-binaries one is further making it difficult for people to understand them even if at first it seems to be helpful.

    I'd say go with the label that best fits your gender and any 'anomolies' in relation to yourself and that label is just human variation.
     
    #2 Secrets5, Feb 14, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2018
    AlexJames likes this.