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I need to shave my hair off

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Butterfly6, Apr 13, 2020.

  1. Butterfly6

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    Since being on lockdown my mind has been racing a mile a minute and I have been thinking a lot.

    I identity as bi and at certain points of my adult life I think I've felt dysphoric to my gender (I'm born female).

    I was always the girly child and teenager. I'd say since I have really dived into my sexuality I have these dysphoric moments. Such as now; I have this insane urge to chop my hair off...I guess into a boys cut or just shave it all off, I get anxious when I see it.

    My son nurses and during these moments I feel disconnected to my female parts. But then other times I like them...its really weird. I just feel horrible now.

    Doing girly things feels so foreign to me right now, can anyone relate?
     
  2. Hawk

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    Hi Butterfly6, I recall you aren't able to speak privately with a therapist/counselor at the moment due to this pandemic. I do recommend speaking with a professional who specializes in gender identity and LGBT people, and there are counselors who have taken their practices online, as well as counselors where you can text with them if you're worried about privacy being in close quarters at the moment.

    If you do speak with a counselor online, the people at pridecounseling, both on the customer service side and the counseling side, are very great when it comes to serving clients.
     
  3. Mihael

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    Okay. Not all of us have the luck to discover being LGBT early.
    Especially when sitting at home, people still want to express themselves and feel attractive. Nothing strange about this situation making you want to cut off your hair. If short hair is attractive to you, then that’s okay, you don’t have to be like most people.

    I would say a certain amount of disconnect from your body is completely normal and to be expected, though.
     
  4. Marble Jar

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    As a temporary thing that might ease your anxiety a little, could you wear a hat to cover it? If it's long, you might be able to tie it up and tuck it underneath. This would give you a bit more time to consider what you would like your hair to be like, without rushing into something.
     
  5. ChescaC

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    I'm going to reiterate something I stated on another forum:
    Don't chop or colour your hair.


    Yes, it grows back, but still.
     
  6. Butterfly6

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    Theres so many new feelings and I feel very disconnected from my old self, almost like I don't recognize the person in past pictures from a few weeks ago.

    I've actually done something like this before and chopped my hair really short, after a few weeks I regretted it and a few years later (when I felt more fem and straight) I hated seeing those pics.

    These feelings are too much for me
     
  7. Mihael

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    Oh. And why did you feel disconnected from the short haircut? Did you not get used to it? Did you start to feel more feminine after getting a haircut?

    What makes you feel disconnected now? What specific things could you change to feel less this way?
     
  8. Butterfly6

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    For me being bisexual feels like a major personality shift and when I stop entertaining the homosexual side of myself I become straight and fem again, it's really weird sometimes.

    I just have a lot of time to think and feel right now and I feel like I'm going crazy. Am I on my way to becoming trans?

    I think if I was in a relationship with another woman I'd feel more male and lose my fem side.
     
  9. Hawk

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    Unless you feel like you've been repressing your gender and you've always felt like a man, a person can't "become transgender", and a person's identity can't be manipulated, much like how a person can't change their sexuality. However, expression (the external) can be manipulated and changed. Perhaps when you imagine yourself in a relationship with a woman you feel more apt to express yourself as a man due to heterosexual expectations from society.

    You can always explore the middle ground as well. If you're uncomfortable looking 100% feminine or masculine, you may want to experiment with androgyny.
     
  10. Mihael

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    It isn't always the case, though. I mean, I can't relate to shifting feelings of gender, but shifting understanding definitely can happen.

    Yes, unless something serious like surgery is involved, or getting a legal name change, no hurt in trying.
     
  11. Linning

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    Out of curiosity, why not? Why shouldn't someone try out a new hairstyle and see if it suits them when they feel the urge to? As you pointed out, it grows back.
     
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  12. ChescaC

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    Color can be gotten rid of with "ColorOops"
    A haircut is more permanent.
    Out of the two, I go for a colour when I get that urge to "Colour or Chop"

    But part of my reticence to cut comes from when I was younger and would be forced to have haircuts
     
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  13. Butterfly6

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    Sorry I'm not meaning to cause a debate here. I do have a therapist but they are unavailable due to quarantine and talking to anyone in my house is a nightmare with everyone home. There is no where to breath atm.

    I'm 36 and I've had times in my life where I felt unfeminine. 7 years ago I felt disconnected but it went away and now it's back again...but even worse, I feel like I need to get rid of my hair, breast and cant even look at myself in the mirror anymore. It's never gotten like this...
     
  14. Hawk

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    I do want to reiterate to look into pridecounseling. They're not a typical counselor/therapist support. Even if your house is a bit crazy at the moment, they do accept text conversations, and they're not a pay-by-the-hour service unlike many in-office therapists. If all you can manage to tell them is a 5 minute post every few days, they're very good at replying and typically get back to you in less than 24 hours. It is very convenient and I highly recommend looking into it and they'll help you find ways to deal with some of these thoughts.
     
  15. Mihael

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    Wow. Cool company. Seems very convenient.