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I need to come out but I can't find the words

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Tartanskrt, Sep 11, 2020.

  1. Tartanskrt

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    No you can't have someone removed with a joint mortgage unless there is a legal reason for it so he would either have to go willingly or I'd have to move in with my parents, with the kids, for a while. He could get his own place but I can't see him being accepting and willing. I know no matter what happens it'll be a long and difficult process to separate and the first step of that is me kicking the puppy and telling him it's over.
     
  2. LostInDaydreams

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    Oh, I see. It’s joint owned.

    My situation was different to yours, but also an awkward process. My ex was emotionally abusive, so I couldn’t tell him I was planning on leaving and had to do everything without him knowing. It wasn’t pleasant and so many times I just didn’t want to go on anymore, but things are so much better on the other side. The sense of relief and freedom make it so worth it. I still have to communicate with my ex, as we have a daughter, but it’s so much easier and less stressful to do so from a distance.
     
  3. Frankie46

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    Hi. I’m glad you like chatting as I do too .
    Can you separate your feelings for this woman with the rest of your situation? Would the situation seem more achievable if she wasn’t around? Is it your desire to be with her that is making this problem all consuming, or is she just a catalyst to what will be eventually anyway?
    If there is no chance that the feelings will be wholly reciprocated please go easy. A bit of fun and flirting from one side can be heartbreaking for you if she doesn’t realise the true extent of your feelings towards her.
    There is no significant other or anybody on the horizon. Whilst I would love to meet someone, and am only attracted to women, the thought of a relationship equally excites me and terrifies me. I can swing from enlightened euphoria to self loathing in the space of an hour and can’t bring myself to call myself a lesbian. Shoot me now!!!
    I split with the ex 6 years ago after a few miserable years together. I didn’t want my kids to think that being miserable and not talking was the norm. I am quite outgoing and love to laugh and my ex is the complete opposite. At the time the logistics of splitting (kids were 2 and 5) seemed impossible. You do get there though, little by little. Eventually you will look back and be amazed at your progress. Hark at me sounding all together and not in the least screwed up.
    Keep going, I need to read more messages.

    Frankie x
     
  4. Tartanskrt

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    The best way I can describe it is I know two versions of her, the real her and the her who keeps me entertained at night. She is actually the more flirty one in real life but I can see it makes her feel bad. I know nothing should happen and accepting that has helped me enjoy it more often than I feel overwhelmed by it. That's a gradual and still evolving process for me but I'm getting there. I'm grateful to have met her because she had sparked me in a way that has allowed me to accept myself. So yeah maybe she is just a catalyst, a very enjoyable one.
    She is the one who let me accept my desire. I've never desired a man. I can like them but I've never wanted to pleasure a man not the way I want to know her body and her pleasures, it's intoxicating to me. Of course I'd love the fairy tale but I'm realistic and if my desire for her can push me on the way to someone I could actually be with then that is maybe just a part of the journey.
    I get that the thought of actually being with another woman is terrifying. I think for me it's because I'd actually have to embrace my desire to do it. The thought of actually being able to do the things with my body that my brain has been imagining for more than half my life now feels so very vulnerable and that is scary but it's also freedom.
    You are together in some parts of your life. My hubby and I have a similar dynamic I'm very social, involved in everything with a daft sense of humor and he's all miserable all the time, it's just draining, we are too different. I know what I have to do.
    Btw I think you might be a lesbian Frankie.
     
  5. Frankie46

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    Tartan, I think you may be right .

    It is so bloody refreshing being honest. Thank you.

    Frankie x
     
  6. Frankie46

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    Hi Tartan. How did you get on with your sister? I’ve had everything crossed for you. Frankie x
     
  7. Tartanskrt

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    Honestly, it didn't. She had a bit of a go at me for not leaving my husband already and it just left me feeling a bit stupid and I didn't really feel like adding 'oh, btw, I'm gay' into the conversation was going to help. I psyched myself up on the drive over there but yeah I bailed.
    I was thinking about the last 30 years of my life and how I've been slaying so many demons and embracing myself. But this demon, no matter how many times I've stabbed her refuses to die. Probably because she never was a demon at all, she was just desire. I think what's happened now is that I've stopped stabbing her and she's now running free in my brain but she's still an adolescent in some ways because that's when she first raised her voice to tell me ' the reason you don't want to get a boyfriend is because you want to kiss Kirsty'. I stabbed her then to survive and I just kept right on doing it. But that's how I feel when I want to tell someone that I like women, I feel like an adolescent because those feelings have never really been given the space to grow properly. I refuse to stab her again though, no matter how much easier it would be. I'm 40 in a few months and I owe myself the honesty and I kind of love the spirit, she lights up my eyes when I feel like I can't keep going.
    So I'm not ready yet to let the spirit out of my head into the world but I will be, one day.
    Well that was rambling at it's best. Hope you have a good day.
     
  8. Frankie46

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    Hey, I hope you’re not feeling bad about it. I am pretty sure we have all decided that ‘today’s the today’ and then bottled it. I think I could honestly say this has happened on at least a dozen occasions (I may be underestimating ever so slightly).
    At least your sister agrees that you should leave your husband. There is obviously an issue visible to other people and not just you
    and your demons.
    I’m in bed feeling full of cold and ‘blah’. Think the walking has caught up with me.
    Keep chatting.

    Frankie x