1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I need help hiding

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Guff, Sep 11, 2016.

  1. ABeautifulMind

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2014
    Messages:
    354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Third Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    Ok... first im really sorry about your birthday...

    My mom is the same way dude... Let me try to put it into a general outline instead of a specific story... she enters a room. starts to ask something of you... she thinks your going to argue about it, so instead of risking arguing with you, she just blows up and leaves throwing a tantrum... I am not positive your mom does that EXACT outline, but it sounds close... that outline is what my mom tends to do... I think it is a defense mechanism... It got to the point before she had to move into the hospital for my niece, that we didnt have a real conversation for a couple months... I actually liked it, as much as it sucks to say.

    But i digress. I think your mom and dad both need an injection of honesty man... I hope that they are being insensitive because they dont understand what your going through. Let me just tell you though. Suicide is not the answer... I know you are thinking your parents wont care and you want to please them, they will care... I know a few people who committed suicide. They said outright that their parents hated them in their suicide letter and that was what led to it... His parents never recovered... Losing a child is not something that you can just accept. I know me and my mom have a terrible relationship, but if I killed myself, she would be devastated...

    Please talk to your parents Guff. I know its embarassing as hell, and I know it is uncomfortable as hell... But while your being rational (relative to when your brother saved you) you should really talk to your parents... You are at a point where you are seriously considering killing yourself. Remember what I said before? You have to attempt all other outlets before that. You havent. Dont you want to be happy? because suicide doesnt bring you happiness... I really think you should tell your dad and mom that you were not trying to be mean to her at breakfast, but your so upset lately you cant help it. I would argue that debating whether you were mean is not worth the time... hell, your mom will probably hear you say that and think to herself, what? But just tell them you cant help it you are not happy and you feel like your parents are just fine with that fact. You have asked for help and have been refused... You feel like your at the end of your rope. You need to tell them your suicidal. There is not an easy way to do this but the alternative is starting to look like suicide. You dont want to kill yourself. I can tell that, everyone here can except maybe you. You just dont want to deal with the lack of control, fear of rejection, and complete apathy towards your problems... Therapy can help with that. I think the issue is, you need to convince you parents that your not just being an attention seeker and that you genuinely need help. Scanner had a really good point, you may want to use some shock value and just outright tell them, if things continue and I cant get help one of you will find my body one day. There really is no such thing as overkill in your situation. Even repeat what your dad said about using cutting as an excuse and tell him, how dare he insinuate that. You have been very upfront with the fact you want help and your parents, who are supposed to love you, are spitting on that and offering goddamn oils. There is no such thing as overkill. You might even consider not stopping until they agree... Keep yelling. Keep screaming. Cuss. Do whatever it takes to get it through their head that they are at risk of losing their son permanently. NO SUCH THING AS OVERKILL. I can only assume your parents are unaware of how serious this is. MAKE THEM AWARE. Dont do it for them. Do it for you. You need help Guff. If you want to survive this, and it is abundantly clear you do, you need to be assertive. You need to not take no for an answer. Demand help. Scream at them. Seriously. Let it all go and bare your soul. Make them understand. Even if you cant with your words, do it with your temperament. Do it by acting crazy and screaming. NO SUCH THING AS OVERKILL. If you can do that and get the help you need, this will all seem like a bad dream in a few years when your happy, outgoing, and headed to college to start your actual life. Please do not hesitate to make that a reality. I really hope you realize that there really is no such thing as over kill or over doing it in your case. You need to do something drastic enough to get there attention and make them realize you need help...



    Lastly I really just want to say I feel for you. And just so you know, even if you dont think your parents will be upset, know this, everyone in this thread would be devastated... I for one would feel like I failed... And your baby brother.... I mean, just imagine if he was the one to find you... You have so many people who care about what happens to you, I really want you to keep that in mind when you start feeling down. I care. Quantum cares. Scanner cares. Killswitch cares. Barbatus cares. faustian cares. We all care. We are all trying to help you with a "save Guff" movement. We are really worried about you. We all want what is best for you. I really hope you take my advice about freaking out on your parents to force them into getting you help, but either way, please know, we care. Please dont leave us buddy.

    ---------- Post added 16th Sep 2016 at 11:27 PM ----------

    Yea, I do want to point out, I have known scanner since I joined, though I havent spoken to him in ages... He is not mad at you. We are all terrified of saying something that upsets you. We understand what your going through and how fragile your situation is.... we dont want to be the one to send you over the edge. When he saw your response, he didnt want to attempt to fix it because you were not responding well and WE ARE WORRIED ABOUT YOU BUDDY.
     
  2. Guff

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2016
    Messages:
    253
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kentucky
    I know this thread somewhat died, but I don't really wanna lose it. It's my only place on earth where I can be honest and my only outlit beyond this tiny community I live in.

    I feel rude whenever I don't reply to someone. There's a bit I'm behind in... A lotta people saying things to me, if you're ignored I'm sorry. I think we can all agree this is 1 huge thread... Some things are forgotten. And I suck at keeping up with wall messages and PM's.
    @Beautiful I'm pretty sure there's some link or something you wanted me to see at some point? I kinda lost it on here... If you re said it I'd find it, but I understand if not.
    I know what you mean about your mom.. It's like idk, it's not humanely possible to not somehow "do something wrong" when literally everything is wrong once shes decided she wants to play a victim.
    I somewhat messed up my arm more the other day, you mentioned before it becomes addictive. I thought it was a 1 time thing for me tbh, but I'm wrong.. And wanna ask was there anything that helped you quit?
    And actually I've been a full member on her a long while and once almost PM'd you. I didn't because you weren't a full 1 and couldn't have replied.

    ---------- Post added 18th Sep 2016 at 04:57 PM ----------

    @Patrick sorry I flat-out ignored your PM and comment. I intended to reply to your PM, but just never got around to it... And didn't even notice your comment until a day after it was made. I was re reading my posts and was like huh where'd that even come from. LOL I totally missed it the 1st time around.

    ---------- Post added 18th Sep 2016 at 05:04 PM ----------

    @Reality I know Scanner was being nice. I even said makes me wannabe "unreasonable" because I knew it was unreasonable. I just couldn't help it.
    Awhile ago when I said add you, I meant as EC friends.
    And on a strange note I had this weird day-dream where you (Or whoever the dude in your photo is) walked into my room and said hey Guff LOL I was like seeing things. I thought it was weird and decided to say it here XD Risking looking like a weirdo.

    @Beautiful My only blog is actually embarrassing because I didn't like realize there are forums at the time and it's basically my hello to EC post. Just embarrassingly misplaced LOL

    ---------- Post added 18th Sep 2016 at 05:15 PM ----------

    Has I mentioned on my birthday my mom has been acting more unreasonable than she usually does. These past 2 days shes been yelling at everybody and some angry at everything. I believe it's my fault for asking her for help, I regret bringing my parents into this so badly now.
    Last time she got this bad was a few years ago, I remember her constantly being upset like this. 1 thing that stuck with me since than was when she screamed at me for over 45 minutes because her ice water I got her didn't have enough ice. I've never given her anything less than 5 cubes since.
    The last time she was like this she went outside and just started walking away, my dad had to take a car and go find her. She almost decided to get a hotel room and just leave us, I remember hoping she would tbh... Things are just so shaken up right now and it's clearly my fault shes upset. I just feel so bad for my siblings, if shes unhappy no one is.
     
  3. Guff

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2016
    Messages:
    253
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kentucky
    And something I really wanna say because it made me happy... LOL My soccer team for PK's (penalty kicks) unlike most teams that just have their forward or some offensive player take the shot we always have PK "tryouts" where everyone regardless of position is "supposed" to get a chance. The last 4 years I've always done the best or tied for the best on them but they never let me take the kicks despite out doing everyone because I'm a defender or I was to young LOL Its always really bothered me that they say we have PK tryouts so everyone has a chance but they never actually let me take them lmao. I mean I literally went 2 years without missing a single PK at practice and in a indoor league scored all the ones I took. So yesterday they FINALLY let me take the kick when we got 1 LOL Only took 3½ years of almost perfect shooting to get a shot... LOL Literally only missing once ever on this team.. So anyhow I scored and I was so freakishly happy! Like HA FINALLY! I was so sick of being told everyone had a chance than doing the best and not getting it because I never actually had a chance. XD So yeah... Finally got it, and scored it. Being a defender that was my first varsity goal.
    It felt great to finally get what I kinda felt like I was owed... LOL I mean they said whoever does the best gets the shots... I always did and never got them so I'm real happy now. My anger about this has been building up over the years XD
     
  4. Quantumreality

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2016
    Messages:
    4,311
    Likes Received:
    329
    Location:
    Arizona, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Guff! Welcome back! We are so relieved to hear from you again. This thread didn’t die, we were patiently waiting (o.k., maybe not so patiently) for YOU to come back and talk to us.

    Don’t worry about replying to each of us. It seems like you get the most out of using this site as your own personal Vent thread. That’s great! And, we can listen and try to provide encouragement and support, but don’t feel obligated to reply to each of us by any means.


    No harm. No foul, Guff. Scanner wasn’t mad, mostly just concerned that you had taken his post so badly and the last thing he wanted to do was cause you more frustration. We understand what you are going through as much as we can from your posts and we know the incredible strain you are under. We understand why you went off on your little brother and made him cry. For the same basic reason, you saw something in Scanner’s post that just rubbed you the wrong way and you got mad. But the good news is that WE are adults and we are focusing on what’s going on with you, not incidental remarks or insults you may make. WE won't take offense - or even start crying (although I’m not sure about ABeautifulMind...)

    Sure, anytime you want. Feel free to send me a Friend request. I don’t normally initiate Friend requests because I don’t want anyone to feel obligated to accept.

    Uhhh, o.k. That wouldn't make you a weirdo, it would make ME one… I didn’t do anything really creepy, did I? Oh wait, I just walked into your room. That’s CREEPY! *chills go down spine* I sincerely apologize for creeping out your daydream, Guff!

    The picture on my profile is one I found in the archives, but it’s Nicholas Brendon (at least I think it is) from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV series. (I never really watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but one of my former military bosses was a huge fan of the show when I worked for him many years ago. He was obsessed with that show and talked about it every chance he got. Then, when the spinoff, Angel, came out, he was even MORE hooked on that show. I kinda thought he might be gay considering how obsessed he was with these TV shows – and the fact that, as a senior officer he was still single. But it didn’t really matter.) I’ve found that lucid dreaming like you experienced most often happens when we are so exhausted, our bodies have trouble switching between consciousness and sleep. Lucid dreaming can be really weird. (I’ll add a lucid dreaming war story in a follow-on post.)

    Wow, Guff! That sounds really bad. Don’t take this wrong, but it kind of sounds like your mom has some actual mental issues. The type of behavior you’ve been describing for her is NOT normal. You and the rest of your family are suffering for it. BUT something like that is NOT your fault, so don’t add that to your worries and frustrations. I am concerned, though, that your Dad isn’t doing anything to get her the help that she obviously needs. He just seems to be covering for her… and that doesn’t help anyone in the longrun.

    Congratulations on the PK! **And he SCORES!** :thumbsup: Maybe now they won’t be so reluctant to let you kick PKs in the future!

    Take Care and Stay Strong, my friend!:slight_smile:
     
    #84 Quantumreality, Sep 18, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2016
  5. killswitch0029

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2015
    Messages:
    1,084
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    New England
    First off, on a positive note, congrats on the PK :thumbsup:

    As for your mother, like Quantumreality said, that behavior is not normal. I haven't really kept up to date with this threat cause I was away without internet access for the weekend, but how have things gone in regards to you dad trying to help? I remember you mentioning that he was being more reasonable than your mother. I know that your situation is pretty terrible, (this is quite a stretch, not trying to shift the focus away from you but I feel as though the idea needs to be addressed) but it sounds like your mother, as well as you in the longer run of things, would maybe benefit from some type of family-therapy thing.

    Again I know it's a stretch like I said and possibly unlikely given your mother's nature, but if you try to let your father know just how much her behavior is affecting you and really try to push (passively) the likelihood of him at least being able to do something to help you out will get a lot better. I know the whole family therapy thing sounds and seems very unlikely, but if you at least try and plant the seed in your father's head it'll be something he can sit on as he tries help you get through things.

    Also, please don't blame yourself for your mother's unhappiness. As I said before, and as Quantumreality said, her behavior is completely out of the ordinary and, to put it bluntly, entirely irrational and downright immature for someone who should be a parent; you cannot be help accountable for her unhappiness when it's clear she's not very stable mentally in the first place.

    Sorry if this came across as rambling/useless advice/attacking your mother. Just keep your head up, keep fighting and keep your eyes on the prize (beating the bullshit and making it out on top).
     
  6. Quantumreality

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2016
    Messages:
    4,311
    Likes Received:
    329
    Location:
    Arizona, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Lucid dreaming War Story.
    So I was on a military exercise at Fort Knox, KY as a Cadet. I had been awake patrolling, standing security watch and conducting operations for about 36 hours straight. I finally got a chance to rest for a couple hours so I made an impromptu tent with my rain poncho strung out over a low-lying tree branch. Since we could be called to alert at any time, I used my backpack as a headrest, kept my boots on, and just laid my rifle across my chest. I had only been ‘asleep’ a few minutes when the VC attacked – or at least that’s what happened in my lucid dream. (We had recently been studying some battles from the Vietnam war and the Vietcong (VC) were the Communist guerilla force in South Vietnam.) They overran the guards on our perimeter and one even came into my makeshift tent. I struggled with him and he grabbed for my rifle. And then I ACTUALLY woke up to find everything quiet, but I suddenly realized that I was struggling with myself for control of the rifle across my chest. There was no one else around. It was really weird and freaked me out. I couldn’t get back to sleep the rest of that night – which was o.k. because it was almost dawn anyway.

    I know this doesn't have anything directly to do with your situation, but hey, you know I like to tell stories.:grin:

    Take Care, my friend:slight_smile:
     
  7. Guff

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2016
    Messages:
    253
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kentucky
    I'm sorry but please don't call my mom crazy. It's not her fault I'm like the hardest kid to have, and she has a disease. She exaggerates a lot but shes not crazy.
    1 rather weird thing I'll say in my defense for my parents being upset is this one time I heard my mom and dad talking and my mom said to him she hates how she's stuck with him. *Implying a divorce/separation*
    She said about how she couldn't take the social damage of it *Implying our community's standards on that sorta thing*
    So I do feel bad that they feel stuck by the community's pressure, something I totally understand. Though I mean I'm happy they aren't split obviously, but idk I hate that they feel stuck. I'm also happy in a twisted way they also feel the negative effects of the outside conservative pressure. Even if it's what's keeping them together. idk what my opinion on the hole thing is but I think since than they've gotten better and are happy-ish together now.

    ---------- Post added 18th Sep 2016 at 07:55 PM ----------

    A weird lucid story I have, is this 1 time I'm fast asleep and my friend walks into my room and tells me I'm sick. I wake up realize it was a dream, but was actually sick. Than 3 nights later my same friend came in and told me he's sick because I'm healthy. I was healthy the next day but my friend I had no interaction with this hole time missed classes that day because he was actually sick.. LOL
     
  8. Quantumreality

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2016
    Messages:
    4,311
    Likes Received:
    329
    Location:
    Arizona, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey Guff,

    First off, don't be "sorry." This is YOUR thread. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don't apologize for your honest feelings.

    Second, we didn't call your mom crazy. We said that the behavior you have described is not normal and that she seems to have mental (health) issues. Although, from what you just said, she is also under a lot of pressure between her physical health and her possible unhappiness in her marriage and could benefit from professional counseling, too. But we can lay off that subject if it bothers you.

    Third, your lucid dreaming story is eerie..*chills* but cool!

    Take Care.:slight_smile:
     
  9. ABeautifulMind

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2014
    Messages:
    354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Third Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    Ok so first, I am really glad you posted again... I was genuinely concerned... Precisely because I think this is your only outlet. Before I go too far into what I am sure will bea novel, this is the link I wanted you to watch:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYoapICIfeE

    You said something in your post that had me literally say oh my god out loud. The victim statement. Dude me and my sister constantly talk to each other about how my mom ALWAYS has to play the victim... I FUCKING hate it. I really dont know the answer outside of her getting therapy of some sort. My mom still has never but I am old enough to confront her about it and so she has let up a little... And as for not being able to keep from fucking up because she starts out with the "goal" (not like yours, congrats :grin:) of being mad at you. An example I can give, is that my mom will frequently ask me to give her a ride somewhere, while im watching a movie or something... I will hear her, pause my movie, and by the time I turn and listen to her, because I didnt immediately say yes, she blows up and storms off talking about she will just fuckin walk, which unfortunately by that point I am pissed, and I typically just yell, fine fucking walk... I have to own that, but it is really hard when she is so confrontational all the time... Trust me, I understand... And I wish I could tell you it will change. The important thing for you I think, is to just try and remember it really isnt your fault.. She is starting the conversation with a goal of being upset.


    Its not your fault. Its not your fault. That is what my therapist used to tell me all the time, because I would go into his office all worked up.... I used to think it was just him patronizing me. Right now, I see more than ever that he was right. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. I know when I was a kid, i would think, man if only I had realized and done such and such... dont do that. It is in no way your fault. You the kid. She is the adult. And you are not doing anything wrong.

    In my previous posts I have been over analyzing and pointing things out with one goal in mind, but im just gonna lay it out instead of just providing evidence.

    You are blaming yourself for too much. I feel you are blaming a lot of your problems on the fact your gay... The problem with that is 2 fold... first, it makes you feel hopeless because you cant change it. Also, the fact is, it simply isnt the case. Being gay is jsut one of the things weighing you down. You have a lot of other issues going on in your life, and if they were managed properly, im not saying being gay would be easy. But it would be less trying than what your going through. In other words, your life can improve without coming out of the closet. It will take time but dont lose sight of that.

    As for cutting, therapy helped me. I didnt quit right away. I was still cutting while going to therapy at first.. IDK when I quit. maybe a couple months into it... I also relapsed a few times throughout my life. I never ended up back in therapy, but it never got worse than 2 or 3 times before I would kick myself and quit... The last time I felt the urge, I started working out... That was the end of an era to me. Suddenly I could release my anger, release endorphins, AND it was viewed as something that was positive. No worries about it being dangerous. Or infecting anything. The soreness is able to keep your mind off your problems, and it improves your physical health which can actually improve your emotional health. I have been using working out since then... I honestly never told my parents thats why I work out because I thought they would worry about me needing something to take my mind of problems... but I think EVERYONE has problems they need to take their mind off of, the real difference is how they do it.... Working out has been a great outlet for me... But I honestly did relapse time and time again, usually maybe 4-5 months apart... Everything would just seem too much to handle, so I would fall back on old habits... Until I started working out of course... So my suggestion to you? find another outlet. Working out is a great one, but if you dont have the required equipment it can be hard, maybe ask your parents for some simple dumb bells... Or you can run, which I believe you already enjoy doing.. That is another good outlet for frustration.. I usually jam music when working out to keep myself from sneaking thoughts about my problems... that is not what the time is for, it is specifically to keep your mind off your problems for an hour or so a day, so bring headphones if you can... I think that might help... I know this will sound fucked up, but the goal is to find something you can do that causes the same sort of "discomfort" normally associated with self harm, but isnt harmful... Pretty much any sort of severe physical strain... When I was in college swimming was a great outlet too... The idea being work yourself until it hurts, and when your body feels better it is actually improved, but yet you get the benefit of taking your mind off problems.... I really hope this makes sense, because along with getting help in therapy with my issues, it is the biggest reason I havent cut in over a decade now.

    I still think you need to get into therapy, but I am worried saying so might irritate you because you have tried so much already. IDK if you read my last reply, but I still think you should consider letting go and demand therapy... Just let go of everything on your chest... Yell.. scream... cuss... demand help.... But I can understand not wanting to, although that might be the fastest way to get the help you need... otherwise it may take a while to convince you parents... Please dont think I am trying to force this on you, but I want to make sure you do consider it... I already think I know how your mom will react if you continue... She will say basically turn it into her son needing therapy makes her the victim. I was really worried about that, and who knows if my dad wasnt there. I wonder if your dad will be able to do what my dad did though. He put his foot down and brought my mom around... I think atleast, IDK because when I asked for help, he immediately responded with let me and your mom talk a little bit buddy... I still think it was him that helped me get into therapy, but IDK I could be wrong... Just look for opportunity to mention it with your dad... An example would be when he got onto you about your mom throwing a tantrum on your birthday, you might have said something about asking for hellp an not getting it then. I was originally against talking to only your dad, but the more I learn of your mother the more I fear it may be your only choice. Im just trying to give you some ideas, once again please dont feel like im trying to force anything on you...

    Do what makes you comfortable..


    I am going to close with this. DO NOT BE CONCERNED WITH ANYONE AT EC GETTING UPSET. We are all here for supporting people. We are all used to people lashing out, because everyone does when they are going through emotional turmoil. This is your lifeline. Dont let go of it for any reason buddy. We are all working to help you find additional outlets, but we dont want to lose you at this one. We understand how important it is... We all have come here for support at some point. We have all lashed out at someone at some point. This forum wouldnt work if we could not overlook what was said when tensions were high. I can honestly say that I would rather you lash out here at me (seriously) than cut your arm... Anyone here would rather you lash out at them then hurt yourself. This is what the boards are here for, getting things off your chest, venting, emotional catharsis. Dont let yourself think you have lost your lifeline because of something you said when upset... Trust me, we will be far far far far far far more upset if you stop posting, than if you just yell at us once in a while....

    I was a little worried you were not commenting here. Please dont hesitate. Letting everything build up... well, Im not entirely surprised you cut again. I know it sounds like the two are not linked, but trust me, bottling everything up impacts you. I know it does. You can take my word for it, or you can consider your last 2 days... IDK for sure, but I would bet some stuff happened that you havent mentioned yet that just pushed you over the edge. With cutting there is always a trigger.. something that upsets you past the point. Getting online and talking about what that trigger was, will help. I promise. If you dont believe me, just try it a few times... whats the worst that could happen...

    I do have a small VERY SELFISH request of you, related to that last bit. In the future, when your online and dont want to post, just say, Im not in the mood today. That lets us know your ok, just not in the mood... Im not saying for the rest of your life at all, but just while you are going through so much.... We really were getting worried about you.. You may not realize it, but you have made quite a few friends who genuinely care about you and want your situation to improve drastically... You would be really surprised I think by how many times I checked this thread to see if you posted. And if you do post that your not in the mood, the only thing you will see in your replies are words of support and encouragement. Hope things get better. We are thinking of you. Dont worry it gets better. things like that.

    Now then, I am going to finish reading the other replies, because I just wanted to comment on yours for now, and this is getting long, but if someone said something I think I should expand on I will add it..

    Otherwise, remember, it gets better bud.

    ---------- Post added 18th Sep 2016 at 09:38 PM ----------

    I dont like other people calling my mom crazy, mentally unstable, or emotionally unstable either... I do want to point out though, whatever is up with my mom, seems to be up with your mom... I honestly dont know what that means for sure.... But I hope when I say things about your mom, you know it comes from a place of trying to understand and help. I genuinely do not want to attack her. I want to help you. If it sounds like I attack her, I do apologize.

    @Quantum, if you were in metal gear solid, I would have taken you out from 400 meters out :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: I always get the guards who are sleeping :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    ---------- Post added 18th Sep 2016 at 09:40 PM ----------

    BTW, I was rereading my post for errors, When I say I "asked" for help, Im sure you are aware that is an oversimplification
     
    #89 ABeautifulMind, Sep 18, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2016
  10. killswitch0029

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2015
    Messages:
    1,084
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    New England
    I apologize if anything I said was interpreted as me trying to call your mother crazy. I tend to be rather blunt and it tends to rub people the wrong way at times. I was attempting to address some of the self-blame that you seemed to be placing on yourself in regards to her happiness. Now that you've mentioned some of the other issues going on brings things into a new perspective.

    Again, I apologize and didn't have the intention of offending you in any manner and am truly sorry. Also don't be sorry if anything was said that makes you feel uncomfortable, it's natural to feel that way and isn't something you should have to apologize for.
     
    #90 killswitch0029, Sep 18, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2016
  11. Barbatus

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2016
    Messages:
    685
    Likes Received:
    108
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi Guff,

    First, glad you are posting again. Like Quantumreality said we were waiting for you to post again as this is your thread - we don't want to feel you have to post if you don't want to so it wasn't disinterest but patience.

    Second, sorry to hear you didn't have a great birthday. I'm going to suggest an alternative interpretation of your mother's behaviour. Based on what you said about her feeling the social pressure to stay with your father it sounds like she in a situation similar to you in the sense of feeling trapped by the expectations of others. The problem might be that she doesn't know how to handle this situation and, unlike you, she hasn't sought help from anyone or tried an online. Problems in life can feel overwhelming until we have an outlet or someone to talk to and this might explain why she behaves the way she does. I am not justifying her behaviour towards you or anyone else - I'm just proposing a possible explanation. At the end of the day she is your mother and she's an adult - she should be able to put your interests first. I don't know if that is the case but it might be worth thinking about and if you ever end up in a serious discussion with her you could ask if that's how she feels and relate it to your own feelings. It's just a thought.

    Most emphatically, you are not to blame for her being angry (it sounds like there is completely separate cause for that). From what you say it sounds like you are helpful round the house, help look after your siblings and place a great deal of importance on the wellbeing of your family - these attributes make you a good son. The fact that you are going through huge emotional turmoil and your parents aren't doing what would be best for you is going to make you feel like shit but don't think that is a reflection on you. When I was going through a difficult time all I could think was how I was the cause of these problems - but it wasn't true, it was my mind turning on itself because I didn't address the problems I was facing. (On that score you are far stronger than I was at your age.)

    I do think you should try and speak to your dad so that you can exercise some control over your life and so that you can see someone who can give you professional cover from your parents. I hope you are feeling a bit better and from the responses here that people are with you on your terms and that we do think of you when we aren't online.

    P.S. Well done on getting your long awaited PK. :slight_smile:
     
  12. ABeautifulMind

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2014
    Messages:
    354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Third Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    Ummm I just wanted to say....

    ^^that. 100% that.
     
  13. PatrickUK

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2014
    Messages:
    6,943
    Likes Received:
    2,359
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Through this thread, I hope you can see that many people on EC care about what's happening and how you are doing. I'm sure you would like to have the same care and respect from members of your family, but I hope it brings you some comfort to read the many responses and see the number of thread views.

    When you have an outlet for your feelings and you are safe to express your thoughts without fear of judgement or criticism it can do a lot to alleviate the distress and despair Guff, so do remember that we are here for you if things seem very rough. It's got to be more positive to tell us how you feel and type everything out than resorting to harming yourself again. Even if the thoughts of harming yourself are extremely strong I hope you will consider some of the many alternatives to cutting or self injury that exist (see my previous post in this thread).

    Self acceptance and coming out is a journey that all of us are travelling, or have travelled at some point and we do understand how very hard it can be when family members and the wider community seem intolerant or unwilling to accept that which is unchangeable. At this stage it may seem as though you are trapped and going nowhere, but even now there are things you can do and should do to move on towards freedom and being the person you want to be and we can talk about all of that some more, if you wish.

    Talking is a sign of strength, rather than a sign of weakness. You know we here and you know we care, so keep the communication going when you need us. There may be days when you feel okay and don't post, but you can return to this thread or take up my offer to talk if you wish. These are options that are open to you.

    Sending positive thoughts.
     
  14. Guff

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2016
    Messages:
    253
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kentucky
    Please excuse the fact I'm not quoting, I just think it takes forever..
    I just wanted to say I am very thankful to the people who read/reply on this thread y'all seriously mean a lot to me.
    Anyone who said I'm doing good at my age is wrong honestly, if I was did okay than I wouldn't be so bad to myself or hard for my parents.

    And on a weird note today while I went out on a jog there was a stop light and a car stopped next to where I was running by and a group of guys in it who were joking around looked at me and told me I looked gay af.
    I replied thank you with a big smile and than added and proud. The hole car stopped laughing immediately and made these looks of disgust/shock. LOL Honestly their reactions made my day. Than 1 guy called me a fag and threw his half empty can of mountain dew at me.

    All in all, the look on their faces made me so happy idc I got soda on me LOL They just looked so shocked. The weird things that bring me joy..
     
  15. Quantumreality

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2016
    Messages:
    4,311
    Likes Received:
    329
    Location:
    Arizona, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey Guff,

    That's a great story!:thumbsup: It had to be very liberating for you! Plus, hey, besides the fact that their joke turned into a bunch of frustration for them, one of them even wasted his soda! Good for you!

    Also, please learn to take a compliment. We aren't sitting around making up nice things we can say about you. We are reading what you write and trying to understand the context of the your life and your the living situation. All of the people you've been talking to here on this thread on a regular basis have a lot of experience. We have a lot of admiration for you, your character, and how you are handling your distressing situation.

    Take Care, my friend!:slight_smile:
     
  16. ABeautifulMind

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2014
    Messages:
    354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Third Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    So your saying I was doing bad at my age as well then? I did the same things, I had the same sorts of fights with my parents.. If your bad at your age, I was too... I like to think I was more a victim of circumstances.

    You should cut yourself some slack. You can not even vote yet buddy. You should be busy being a kid and instead you have the weight of the world on you. I would have to say your doing pretty damn good.. Better than I was... So again, do you think I was doing bad for my age? Because if not the neither are you, and if so, damn this backfired :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    but seriously buddy, you are doing really well for your age, not perfect, but NO ONE IS PERFECT, even Jesus smoked weed...

    That was pretty brave to say that to those kids... I sort of feel like there is more to this story though... Im assuming you live in a small town, based off some of the things you have said... Any chance your hoping your parents or siblings hear something so you dont have to tell them yourself? Because if so, I might reconsider and wait til college, you have quite a bit on your plate already... I will just leave it at that, and let me know if I am way off base and I will drop it... I hate over analyzing every little thing sometimes lol...
     
  17. Barbatus

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2016
    Messages:
    685
    Likes Received:
    108
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hey Guff,

    By stronger I think most of us mean that you have a great deal of conviction in yourself despite being in a homophobic environment, you've accepted that you are gay when you are going through stuff that would send some people back into the closet for life, you've taken action to try and deal with the problems you are facing head on (I know that hasn't exactly gone to plan but you can still take action when you feel able to) and you've come on here and shared some painful experiences you are going through. There are many kinds of strength, not just the heteronormative ideal of an isolated male who can solve everything without help - it takes strength to live your life as you want, to be yourself when the everyone around you is telling you something else and it takes strength to admit and accept help. Screw those people who expect us to solve all of our problems ourselves when it is a mentality that perpetuates discrimination leaving those subject to discrimination alone and depressed. It is especially unfair when the problems are caused by the behaviour of others, not our behaviour. (Sorry that ran away with me there but I think it is important that you judge yourself by your ability to accept who you are and your ability to tackle your problems head on - those traits are signs of strength.)

    On a lighter note, I like your story - those guys obviously expected to humiliate and embarrass you but you turned it back on them and threw it in their face. No wonder it made you smile. If, as ABeautifulMind said, these are guys from your town (no idea how small it is) and someone does bring it up you could always just say that you were winding them up. Just a suggestion if you think it might come up. Either way I wish I could have seen their faces.
     
  18. Guff

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2016
    Messages:
    253
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kentucky
    My town is on the smaller end of things, but it's not tiny. I'm not at all worried about seeing those guys again, they looked like they were like 30.. I'd be shocked if I ever saw them again.
    Thank you @Barb. I'd still say I'm doing a bad job, but I really do feel better hearing that perspective you gave.

    I'm somewhat trying to stop using this thread just because, it's like huge. Were almost at 100 comments, I think I need to let this die out.

    I wanna say thank you to everyone who helped me, I mentioned before the "pressure" you gave me really helped me actually ask my parents for help. My mom is starting to calm down some and I feel like things are actually getting better now. They aren't to great, but just a little better than before is all I feel I really needed to help break out of that (as I like to call it) funk.
     
  19. Barbatus

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2016
    Messages:
    685
    Likes Received:
    108
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi Guff,

    I'm glad it helped - it's difficult in that kind of mindset to see things in another more positive light (I still fall into that trap and find it easy to put myself down but I have become better at handling it).

    There's a famous quote from Milton (which is the origin of the phrase 'every cloud has a silver lining'), the original is much more poetic:

    Was I deceived, or did a sable cloud
    Turn forth her silver lining on the night?
    I did not err; there does a sable cloud
    Turn forth her silver lining on the night,
    And casts a gleam over this tufted grove.

    Don't know if you are into poetry (I'm not) but this kind of sums up how I feel sometimes.

    I know you feel like this thread is too long but keep using it or set up another one if you want. Alternatively, you can always get in touch through my profile (I'm sure the others will say the same thing about contacting them). Not sure, but I think the limit on a thread is 200 posts so you are only about half way done by that count. I'm glad you are feeling better and hopefully your Mum will calm down some more and things can move forward. Either way keep talking and I'm really pleased you are feeling better.
     
  20. Quantumreality

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2016
    Messages:
    4,311
    Likes Received:
    329
    Location:
    Arizona, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey Guff,

    A long thread is no reason to stop posting here – heck there are many longer threads on EC.

    But if you feel you don’t need to continue to post like this for now, we understand. (ABeautifulMind may cry, but we’ll send him a box of electronic tissues.) Your posts have definitely sounded more positive the last couple of days and we’re very glad of that. It is always your decision whether or not you want to continue on this thread. As Barbatus said, you can always come back to this thread if you need it. You know you have friends here who will continue to support you. You can always post on any of our Walls or start a new thread, if you feel the slightest need.

    I wish you only the best in all things, my friend.

    Take Care and stay strong!