I need help hiding

So...
First happy birthday

Im really glad you had a good day.. How long is your brother there for? Was he coming to celebrate your birthday?

On your birthday, I would suggest trying to have a good day, but if it doesnt happen, dont feel guilty. And if you end up in a conversation with you mother about how your being so down on your birthday tell her you have already said you want to seek professional help and your being forced to settle for the same overbearing (may consider over protective since you catch more flies with honey, up to you) mother who has been raising you your entire life... If you were not happy before now, why would you be happy now?

What I am trying to say is, try your best to have fun, and IF that doesnt work out, use it as a chance to have another private even more influential conversation with her... I mean, if you can not even be happy on your birthday, maybe your mom get worried enough to get you the help you want and need... Oh yea, your dad will most likely be there right? So it might be a chance to have a more influential private chat with both of them...

Now then... I am not sure what to say about the mother thing because I am in a very similar boat working up the nerve to tell my mom myself... And I am 29 years old.. Dont be so hard on yourself... I cant tell you it will all be ok because I honestly dont know... I will tell you a bit of my story, but it is a little pessimistic when I consider it from my 15 year old state of mind... I spent the years distancing myself from my mom. A lot. It would start out with small things... Splitting up at a theme park going with my dad instead of her and making my brother go with her.. in the past it was vice versa... Not wanting to sit beside her during a movie... Not wanting to invite her to parent type functions at school, opting to just invite my dad. Not talking to her... At all.. Like I would respond, but I didnt initiate a conversation with her for.... hell prolly around 2 or 3 years... Even when she finally forced me into therapy because our relationship got so bad, all it did was make me realize if I dont talk to her occasionally my life is gonna get very complicated and it is going to destroy my routine, which at the time was FAR more crucial to me than it is nowadays... So I started chatting once in a while.... When I left for school the first time it didnt work out... I had anxiety issues that just crushed it... I ended up coming back home... But when I was there and I would try reaching out I would always talk to my dad, pushing my mom further and further away... By the time I reached my twenties if me and my mom were speaking... well it was because she wanted to smoke some of my weed, or we were yelling. I cant tell you how many times my dad would have to get involved to stop it... I just refused to budge an inch on any issue when it came to my mom... My therapist told me at the time the reason I kept doing that was probably related to me thinking that she wont accept me which is making my life worse, so I am trying to make her life worse.. I was too young to see it at the time, I was only around 22 or 23... But I think he might have been right.... Even now when I go around my mom I am automatically on guard, more tense, and my anxiety usually consistently increases to a point... I wish I could tell you the answer, but I cant... What I can tell you is that the path I took kinda sucked too... I missed her a lot... Just being able to really talk to her.... I mean, I still have memories of when I was a kid with her playing LARP He-Man edition lol.... I know she is your mom. I know its hard. Trust me I know... I can remember late nights as a kid crying myself to sleep because of my relationship with my mom and what would happen to it.... I am very sorry I dont have all the answers for you. But I think I might have one. Whatever you do, you need to make sure your own personal happiness is priority number 1. Right now I dont think it is.

Right now you have to figure out what you want to do. You could follow my path... It is painful, but it avoids the possible pitfalls of leaving yourself vulnerable to your mom. Or maybe it is worth putting the LGBT issues aside until you can be independent and just appreciate your mom for who she is trying to be... I honestly dont know the answer... I just know what one choice can lead to, and thought I would share... but make no mistake, there is no guarantee that trying to appreciate her wont make you hurt more if you come out and she does reject you... I suppose it is a sort of balancing act as far as you try to appreciate and love her without being so attached you cant accept it if she rejects you. I know thats harsh, but its also honest.

Ever considered saying you want to go to public school? Just a brief thought...

BTW I would have laughed at your mug too

That girl that came to sit by you, make friends

In what I have personally seen in real life, girls are more accepting of gay guys than guys are...

Your teacher is just an ignorant blind worshiper of the invisible man in the sky... They are just not usually bright enough to interpret and understand there own religious text... I know it would be hard to say this then, but in your head you can think, even according to your religion the laws of the old testament were nullified when Christ was sent. God told us to stop following those rules in the old testament, start living your life by the example you see in my son... (The first school I went to after highschool where I had to come home, was Baylor... baptist university... IDK wtf I was thinking going there... I was not yet out of the atheist closet, having come from conservative christian parents...) But Christs example is the difference between Christianity and Judaism... That is why Judaism has all those outdated ineffective laws from the old testament...

I really do hate going the religious route, but I know sometimes Christians believe the Bible trumps all, so you have to learn to argue using the bible to have an impact... But talking all this religious stuff as if I still believe is leaving a sour taste in my mouth...

I think that is all I wanted to say.. Did you listen to that spectrum song? I know it is a weird style but it has a message that I think you will relate to... It is all about waiting until you are safe with the support you need before coming out...

Other than once again, Happy Birthday... it gets better

---------- Post added 16th Sep 2016 at 12:21 AM ----------

I just noticed your other comment... Are these things you told your parents when you told them you want to see a therapist? I understand not saying your gay. Truly I do.

HOWEVER, these other things your talking about, thinking your a disappointment, thinking your freaky, etc.. those are normal teenage fears that your anxiety seem to be expanding on more than other people usually do... What I mean to say is, you should have told them these things when asking to get help. I know you think it is embarrassing, but your parents used to think the same things... Most people grow out of it... but because you have so many other issues going on it is amplifying these...

You really need to consider being open and honest with both of your parents I think.... NOT ABOUT BEING GAY, But I suggest honesty in every other case... I know it sounds scary, but when you asked for help I can only assume the next day when you talked again, you mom started downplaying your problems? If you come to them now and your honest, youi can even tell them you were embarrassed to be this open but that if being honest is what its going to take to get help you will do it, because your worried about yourself... and then unburden yourself. Tell them everything (NOT GAY) that you have been putting in this thread...


Anyways, I really hope you have a great birthday... and remember, it gets better...

 

Hey Guff,

You sound like me in high school in terms of a lack of self-esteem (not the height, I’m only 5 ½ ft tall; you’d tower over me :lol. Your actual physical appearance is irrelevant. You are YOU. And who you are is far more than your outward appearance. The real you that that I 'see' on this site is as I described in my last post and - if one of my other friends on this website will indulge my use of his username – it is clear to me that YOU are A Beautiful Mind and a beautiful person. I’m not saying this to try to make you feel better (well…that, too) but because I BELIEVE it! And so should you!

And, if you’ll forgive my bluntness, your parents are just plain wrong to put you down by calling you a Freak; by acting as if their expectations are more important than your talents, intelligence and accomplishments; if they make you feel like you are an embarrassment to them; or if they make you feel that you are a burden when they have to do their job as parents by helping you with school work and taking care of you when you are ill or in need. The job of parents is to nurture, encourage, support and offer unconditional love to their children. Parents are supposed to build up their child’s self-esteem and help that child prepare to meet the world on his/her own terms.

I can tell you just in terms of maturity, responsibility and your thoughtful attitude alone, you are in the top 10% of the kids in my neighborhood, alone. I really wish you wouldn’t underrate yourself so badly, but it seems pretty clear that your low self-esteem comes from your parents’ attitude towards you. In my case, my parents were always super supportive, so my self-esteem issues were of my own making. And once I got to college, I was able to overcome them. (And my training in ROTC and the military completely changed me into a much more confident, stronger, and better person.)

I’m sorry for the rant. It’s just that what you said kinda set me off.

Take Care, my friend!

 

And enjoy your brother visiting, maybe talk to him about stuff if your close like that...

Ok, Im gonna stop adding stuff now

---------- Post added 16th Sep 2016 at 12:43 AM ----------

I just realized I am so concerned with trying to help you help yourself I didnt address that your parents were wrong...

I am really glad Quantum picked up on that, because it is a VERY important issue... There is nothing wrong with being tall, hanging out with girls, being bad at basket ball, etc... You should not feel bad about any of the things your mentioning.. I honestly havent heard you say one thing I thought was wrong with the exception of cutting your arm, AND YOU DID THE BRAVEST THING POSSIBLE AND TOLD YOUR PARENTS. You really are a great kid... I can tell by reading your posts... Its not your fault you are in this FUCKED UP situation, and if there was any way I could help you with it, I really would... But please dont become the next victim of religion... no matter what they say or what happens, remember, it gets better....

 

Guff,

Well I'm back again, the guy you love to hate. I'm ready to offer more overly simplistic advice to inadvertently offend and alienate. : / (ok well hopefully not, but I guess we'll see)

Well after reading this thread I can understand now why you wanted to quit soccer. For the same reasons you mentioned you have bouts of insomnia, fatigue and sleepiness. No Joy. Lack of interest in activities you used to find enjoyable. As others have said, all are classic signs of depression and stress.

I'm a little late coming to this thread, but for future reference, Neosporin, or if you have a dollar store in your neighborhood it's also known generically as triple antibiotic oinment. (You'll often find little one-use packets of this in first aid kits). This cream will not only stave off infection but heal you 2-3 times faster and help reduce scarring. They also sell medicated bandages that will help heal your wound.

Not that I'm really trying to help you avoid getting the help you need, but I probably would've just said I was fixing my bike(or whatever) and my hand slipped, or say I fell and cut myself and then bandaged up my wrist and called it good. Then I would've put that wrist band you had on over the bandage and said I was using it to help protect the bandage and keep it in place.

********
Now on to the main part of my reply to you...
********
You have a lot of great support on here. A lot of people on here who care and I would definitely like to count myself among those. So even when things are at their darkest at least you've got one lifeline in this storm of yours.

The advice I would like to offer you is a little different. I can empathize with your situation as I've been there before myself. It seems like right now you're stuck in these infinitely revolving logic loops that only serve to increase your fear and anxiety which adds to your stress. I would like to help try to break you out of some of these and help you see a light at the end of the tunnel.

So what I mean by being stuck in logic loops is simply this:
Oh god, Why am I gay?
No, I can't be gay.
My parents are going to hate me forever if they find out, I just know it. I'm a bad child, a freak, everyone hates me,
I just want to be myself, I can't be my true self to anyone, I can't be me, no one will accept the real me. I can't tell anyone.
I hate myself, I don't want to be gay ---I don't want to burn in hell, I don't want to live like this, I can't function, I can't be gay...(and then the loop starts over and continues)
Oh god, Why am I gay?

I don't know if this is exactly what you're going through, but it was for me. Growing up, in high school, in considerably less accepting times. I NEVER uttered "I am gay" to a single living soul until my late 20's, I couldn't even look myself in the mirror and say it until I was 20. I was just kinda hoping it would go away. But I couldn't accept it because it would be death - at least in the back of my mind the sense of dread I felt told me that - I lied to myself enough I believed that it was death because I always imagined the worst case scenario. I'd say I was gay and everyone would hate me for it. When I actually came out, I was very wrong - didn't lose a single friend.

Remember those two general bits of advice I gave you in a previous thread?
1) Learn to live up to your own expectations and not what others think you ought to be - or even what you think they think you ought to be.

2) Don't let anyone presume to tell you (especially clergymen) what God thinks of you.

Number 1 is what we all go through to become a well adjusted adults. Its not just a gay thing either obviously. Its a gradual process but if you're gay you sometimes have to grow up faster and live it sooner. Number 1 is about asserting your individuality and having the confidence to do what makes you happy. Loving yourself first before you can truly love others.

Right now, you're doing about the opposite of what number 1 says. You're a people pleaser. You don't want to make them unhappy so you'll just deal with the pain like you did with your stomach from what was it? ..age 3 to 11? But it seems you've reached a point where coping with making others happy - well, it's literally killing you and driving you crazy.

You know that if you have to adjust the way you live your life to the point where you have to scratch your face raw and stab yourself to keep your parents happy is completely unhealthy. You just need to think about that for a minute and let it really hit you that that's how bad things have gotten. You don't have to live like that. That isn't love.

Not that they should, but are they or would they go through the same hell you're putting yourself through to be loved and accepted by you? What are they doing to earn your love? I'm just saying this to suggest that you look at it from both sides and remember that all you ever really have to be ...is yourself and that is more than enough to be loved. You are overworking yourself so hard, fighting an uphill battle you can't possibly win to be something you're not. It's okay, you don't have to. You don't have to kill yourself figuratively or literally to make them proud.

You are You. You are Guff(real name, real you). The sickness you feel will subside when you understand you don't need to WORRY about simply being yourself. You don't have to do anything more than be yourself to be good enough. Now you're gay and you're their son. If they can't deal with that its their problem, not yours. Let them worry, not you.

The same goes for your whole home-schooled community center and all your potentially hateful friends and team mates. If they don't like you, its their problem. One of the happiest things about coming out of the closet for me was letting go of that feeling that everyone is out to get me. That everyone would hate me. That one little slip up would end it all and my world would come crashing down like a house of cards if anyone found out.

Know the power they hold over you is only as much as you wish to give them. Let me tell you..if every single person you've ever met didn't accept you, then you can STILL go out into the world and make friends, find love, a career and live a happy life. Its right there waiting for you. IT IS possible.

My suggestion to you is that you take number one to heart and begin to live it more everyday. You can't change overnight, but you can change gradually and become more independant and begin to cherish your own successes. We all have choices to make and we accept responsibility for those choices and live with the consequences. Parents have a habit of reminding us about responsibilities and consequences when we're teenagers to the point where I think we all begin to see the whole concept as a bad thing when its really a blessing. We make our own fate and we are very in control of how our story plays out.

So I know you might feel trapped right now. Stuck in a world you feel like you can't control trying to be someone you're not meanwhile not able to be the person you are. Well right now your parents are responsible for you, they take care of you and all your living needs. You depend on them for love, food, shelter. But remember that if you look ahead and see the entire span of your life that they aren't going to be there doing this for most of it. You'll provide your own livlihood and then you'll be in control and you'll make your own choices. In fact, you'll probably be free sooner than you want, lol. You'll be in college or an apartment heating up a pizza in your crappy little toaster oven wishing you were back home eating a "real meal". But even that gets better.

I guess my main theme here is change your perspective. It's all in your head (just as it was mine) Remember your parents and friends don't hate you for being gay or anything else..you've just imagined the bad outcome of them knowing to the point where it's become unhealthy mentally. You treat that imagined bad outcome, that worst case scenario like its reality and ITS NOT. Think hard and imagine a different outcome or plan for day when you can be safe and secure and whether they know or not, you can still be happy and live your life the way you like.

***Your Mother***
Now your Mom, bless her heart, but if I had a child who just told me he's feeling really sad and cut himself on purpose the last thing I'd be doing is offering him essential oils and aromatherapy as a solution. As you're young, you probably don't have the experience to be assertive and confronting..now might be a good time to practice.

If not, I don't know, you can always just agree with her and be like, "Oh yeah Mom, I'm starting to feel better already, those oils really did the trick" and then stay under her radar and seek help elsewhere. The other option is "shock and awe" and just be like, "unless you'd like to come home from work one day and see me swinging by the neck at the end of a rope in the garage I'm going to need to see a therapist".

I don't really mean that as advice per sey, I just read your post on that and then I drove home from work thinking about that the whole way home, thinking about what I'd do if that was me and it was my mom. Thinking about what I'd like to say anyways.

***Suicide Solution***
Either way, your suicidal ideation is something you need to nip in the bud right now. The safe advice is always, seek professional help, but ultimately you have to decide for yourself that's not what you want. For me, it was acknowledging that I didn't really want to die, I just didn't want to feel the emotional pain and be in the situation I was in. Life doesn't always go the way you want, sometimes you have to accept it and sometimes you can accept it but do your best to make a bad situation good.

But you can't feel better if you're dead because you'll be dead. Killing yourself would be a great way to hurt your family and friends and make them feel the hurt of losing you, and they deserve it for making you suffer the way you have. But then, again you won't be alive to "enjoy" the satisfaction of knowing that. Suicide is really no answer. There's also no pizza, hot fudge sundaes, sex, movies, cute boys and of course destination novelty themed hotels in beautiful Las Vegas with grand buffets, thrilling entertainment and REAL CASINO action, etc, etc, etc,. (and no I've never been to Vegas but its on my bucket list)

Based on some of your most recent posts though, it sounds like you are in a really bad way. You are lying to yourself and trying to convince yourself that your parents would be better off without you. Your death would create a hole in their lives they could never recover completely from. They would feel the pain of that loss EVERY SINGLE DAY for the rest of their lives. It doesn't matter how much of a pain you are to them, you are their child and they do love you.

And you, literally haven't seen anything of life yet. You have so much to do, so much to learn and so many good and happy things to see and accomplish. Give yourself a chance to see it all. Stop with those dangerous lies because you will begin to believe them, but they will NEVER be the truth.

Just know that you don't have to work so hard to be the perfect vision of what someone else thinks you are. You don't have to put yourself through that agony, you don't have to try so hard and still feel like hell. You really can be yourself and not only will they all love you, but they'll love you even more because they will know the real you.

***Reaching Out For Help***
As I mentioned earlier, EC is one lifeline but lets see if we can find you some more.
Phone Calls:
There are plenty of ways to make an anonymous phone call nowadays if you're worried your parents will look at your call log. You can look up and call whatever suicide line you want or trevor project.
On Mobile devices, there are apps such as TextPlus or NextPlus (Android) which you can download, create an account and for free or very cheap (sometimes you can watch commercials to get free minutes). You can download these apps, create an account, call whoever you need to call and then logout and delete the app. (Redownload later to make another call)

On PCs: Its a little known feature, but if you got a headset, or a mic and speakers on your computer you can use your GMAIL account to place FREE outgoing calls. Just login to GMAIL from your browser, click the phone icon on the bottom left and dial your number.

Make it a habit to get out of the house more. I know you mentioned you basically only have a few reasons to get out of the house. Create some more reasons. I'm not sure what your living situation is if you're in the country or city, but make it a habit of going out on the weekends if you can, or going to the library if theres one nearby. The idea is get your family used to you being gone on a regular basis at the same time every week so if you need use that time to find a Gay Youth Organization or Gay-Straight Alliance in your area you can do that. Maybe you have a library at your home school group center you can visit and read for an hour or two every week so that if you need to slip away once a month hopefully no one will notice. Then perhaps you can contact a nearby high school and explain your situation and maybe they'll have an after school LGBT group you can attend. Granted that might not be something you'll wanna do this week if you're still closeted at the moment but this is something to keep in mind to build a network of support later on.

Tell your parents you are lonely and feel like you need to make more friends. Be "somewhat" honest with your dad and tell him you the kids on your soccer team are all stupid assholes and don't make very good friends.

Maybe tell your parents you miss your brother who's off to college and you'd like to go visit him at his dorm for the weekend while you stay at a hotel. (By yourself) From your writings it seems your family adds to your stress and not just because you're closeted. Your mom (like my mom) sounds like a handful and then you have some responsibility with your younger siblings. Taking a break from that and enjoying some time away might help give you a fresh perspective. (Again, something to think about, especially as you approach college age yourself)

Basically do anything you can to reach out and find more friends and people you can talk to - gay or straight. I was in a Boy Scout club in high school called "Explorers" for computers and robotics - and no I didn't have to wear that campy uniform or earn any stupid badges, it was informal. Maybe see whats out there.


********
I really do wish the best for you Guff. I know what its like to get so entrenched in your own mind that we almost get lost if we aren't happy. But its just like if you have a dream and suddenly realize you're dreaming and start to control the dream.

You have to poke your head up every now and then and look around from inside yourself. See the world for what it is and not what you think it is. If you are unhappy then you can take steps to change that, or at least decide that you aren't going to let them have more power in the outcome of your feelings - you can take control.

Now being realistic and practical. A lot of your problems are in your head and how you choose to perceive things. But like anything else in life the things that are worth having take time, patience, hard work and sacrifice. You get a little closer every day. So keep your mind healthy and happy and this will give you the strength you need to do the rest.

Now I hope this doesn't seem to obvious to you, but for me, when I remind myself of things like this, I feel empowered.

Anyhow, I hope its a good birthday for you. Own your birthday, enjoy it. Don't be defeated and just "get through it", you can decide how you want to live it, live it how you want. Instead of imagining the worst, imagine the best day and live that day instead.

People who have ironic pet cactuses for best friends and name them Elvis Pricksley are far too valuable in this world to be lost.

GOOD LUCK (&&&)
-Scanner

 

Amen

Especially about perception being the issue... I was trying to point that out but that post says it far better...

Also a fantastic plan to start leaving a lot so your family gets used to it while it isnt for LGBT stuff, so you can use the windows for LGBT stuff.... where the hell were you at when I was growing up Scanner?

Happy Birthday Guff

I hope it is going great.

 

scanner007, big-ups to you for leaving such a helpful post. There's lots of great info in there, both for the OP and for someone like me who is trying to figure out how I can be an ally.

Just one thing I need to mention -- antibiotics like Neosporin should only be used for a few days. Based on Guff's question, I worry that this might be an on-going problem, and for that you definitely should not apply antibiotics. Good bandaging is the best thing to do, and there are of course plenty of online tutorials for that.

 

A Beautiful Mind and Filmmakingally,

Thanks to you both for the props, hopefully Guff will find it somewhat useful. I tried to help him out on a previous thread and it didn't go so well. But if it helps, then it was worth while.

ally: you're right this could be an on going problem. Its something thats somewhat foreign to my generation. Its seems like those 5 years younger than me and younger are the ones the began mainstream "cutting". Personally, I blame this on technology. Too much Xbox and not enough hugs. I grew up in the 80s and people came outside in the summer time and neighbors knew each other and talked to one another. People were friendly. Now we're more isolated, confined to our homes and in my own neighborhood I don't know any of my neighbors any more. People are afraid to go outside and interact with one another. I feel like theres something my generation got that younger generation now lack and for some it cause them to cut themselves to get relief --but what exactly is what I can't quite put my finger on. Was it more independance from our parents? That we got to go outside and play with the other neighbor kids? The cool 80's music? I dunno.

Beautiful Mind,
Well I'm here now, for what its worth LOL. And I haven't forgot about your message either, I read over one of your letters today. It seems you, me and Guff all have something in common - our mothers. As Guff said, "a bad sick person". But then, they are still our mothers and we love them. When I get some more time I'll be over on your thread and post a reply. I have some thoughts.

But I'd like to take this opportunity to point out a perfect example on changing your mind around and looking at things differently. Their our mother's and we love them, even though they can drive us crazy sometimes we put up with them because their our mothers. And it works both ways. Even if they aren't happy with us being gay, we are still their sons and they love us. So just as your mother said she couldn't imagine having a gay son, maybe as you think back over the years and some of the good times you had - maybe its hard for you to imagine having a mother who isn't compassionate and loving enough to accept her son no matter how he comes. See how I flipped that? If you remind her of what she'll be losing if she doesn't accept you with some stories in your letter and show her whats she's already lost by admitting you've distanced yourself from her to protect yourself then she might ...maybe ...begin to have some understanding.

Damn I hope Guff is having a good birfday...Cake and Ice Cream sounds pretty good. Chocolate Cake with chocolate frosting---or mint ....and some mint chip ice cream ..in a bowl ...I like to add about two tablespoons of milk and then stir it all up until it becomes something like a CAKE BLIZZARD ...delicious.

-Good Luck
Scanner

 

A cake blizzard? lol... that sounds horrendous... To each his own

As for the cutting, I think it was technology... you know things happen when you cut regarding brain chemistry... endorphins are released, it actually helps reduce stress, and has scientific evidence backing it up... The only problem is, its habit forming and dangerous... And the reason I blame technology is simply making it so people are not ignorant to the idea of cutting... I feel it basically puts it into peoples mind a lot of the time... I mean, who thinks to themselves, I bet cutting my arm will help with depression... But when you read that online, and your truly depressed, you will try it. I honestly dont remember if I had read it online or what... I dont mean everyone reads about it first necessarily, but that is why it has become "mainstream" as you put it lol...

As for mothers I have decided to take the rest of today off from even thinking about my mom lol.... Im trying to consider what you said, and that part about not being able to imagine a mom who isn't compassionate and loving enough to accept her son, well that is a hard sale for me... but we can get into all that later, I dont wanna hijack the thread, AND I am still on hiatus from hardcore mom considerations

I hope he is enjoying his birthday. I personally have always been a fan of red velvet cake... I always disliked chocolate... especially german chocolate with that fuckin coconut... excuse my language but that stuff is gross lol...

 

Hey Guff,

I hope you know that you only have friends here! Posters (including myself) may occasionally say things that ring untrue or badly with you, but I hope and think you know that we are only trying to offer positive, reinforcing encouragement and advice.

Take it or leave it for whatever it's worth to you, but if anything rings true for you, so much the better.

I, for one, understand pretty darn well - without actually living in your community - what you are going through in an ultra-conservative environment. I am a conservative myself, but I don't let my moral, religious, political and economic philosophies interfere to such a degree that I would intentionally oppress anyone. I think each individual has a right to their own beliefs. If those beliefs aren't in accordance with mine, I'd love to have an intelligent debate, but that is their right and I wouldn't oppress anyone and force them to 'accept' my beliefs. Sorry, if I went off on a tangent, but having experienced intolerance - especially religious intolerance - first-hand, I am unwilling to put up with intolerance like that. (Is THAT also a type of intolerance? I hope not!)

You were clearly pissed off and didn't post what happened to you today. Please do that! If only for your own purposes. But you have a lot of people here who truly care about you and respect you! I certainly do!

Take Care, my friend. Stay strong and proud!

 

80s music is not the answer... trust me

I really think scanner is trying to help you out Guff, Im not sure what has happened in the past, but even if you hate the guy, he really is giving you some good ideas. I can see that your upset, but I still wouldnt dismiss what he says. Maybe give yourself some time and re read it. He was just trying to enter the conversation by making a joke and lightening the mood... I promise he didnt mean you actually couldnt be reasonable...

Also, I think your stories are not as different as you think.. because tbh, the entire world used to be like conservative about LGBT issues. Meaning no one was really accepting... I know your situation is really really messed up, and to be honest, I did consider he might be downplaying what your going through, but he was trying to give his background to establish credibility as someone who went through similar problems. He wasnt trying to marginalize your problems.

I know the cutting section seems insensitive, that is why I posted some info on it... The younger generation has really made it more prevalent, but it has nothing to do with playing video games or just needing a hug. But not everyone has experienced this.. Some people are just a little ignorant, the answer is to educate. I know when I read that I cringed a little and hoped you wouldnt take it the way I did either..

And lastly Guff, no one is going to judge your response.. your young, which we have all been there and know it makes us act on our emotions at times. EVERYONE does that. EVERYONE. In reality it probably helps relieve a little stress to do that soit isnt even all bad... I do think you should try to take a break, and relax, and read the post again, maybe just ignoring the introduction, and part about cutting, because there really is some useful stuff in his novel ( ). But dont worry about your reaction, it is like we have been trying to help you realize, we only want to help. We dont care if you get mad at us once in a while. We dont care if you yell at us once in a while. We dont care if you just rant about random seemingly unimportant ideas... We honestly dont care about anything other than making sure you keep coming here for support when you need it, and that we can help you when you need it...

In other word, REALLY, dont worry about hurting our feelings... Just make sure you say what u need to while your venting..

---------- Post added 16th Sep 2016 at 10:30 PM ----------

Yea I almost forgot, How was the birthday?

Did you get a pony?

 

Guff

I'm sorry you didn't appreciate my ironic/sarcastic sense of humor. It was not my intention to offend. I can only assure you that I do understand your ultra-conservative situation well enough that I felt my input would be useful to you. Everything I say on EC is coming from a place of kindness, love and a genuine desire to be helpful and supportive.

Evidently, I am not the kind of help and support that you need. I'm truly sorry if I upset you. I hope you find the help you need so you can have a happier life. I will refrain from posting on your threads in the future.

-Scanner

 

Guff,

Please! Take a breath. We don't know you personally. Some of us have been talking to you longer than others, but nobody is perfect. And, like I said, NOBODY here wants to hurt you in any way - ONLY help you. Heck, remember, I made that comment not that long ago where you had to remind me that you are homeschooled. I knew that, but screwed up. My intent wasn't any less supportive, though.

You are in an extremely tough place right now and are super-sensitive. Totally understandable. Nobody here is going to fault you for rash comments due to what you are going through. We really DO understand. And the ABSOLUTE LAST thing we want is to actually ADD stress or frustration on top of what you are already going through!

Take Care, my friend!

 

Dude! Step back! Deep breath! WE ARE NOT OFFENDED! We understand! You don't look stupid. You reacted and we know very well why. Blow this off and drive on. That may sound simplistic, but I'm serious. You haven't burned your bridges here at all, my friend!

 

No, Guff. You are missing the point. This thread is all about YOU! We are all here to support YOU! If you think you are saying stupid things, then you are the only one. The rest of us are listening and trying to figure out how best we can support you at such as distance with only words of encouragement. The only way you could truly disappoint us would be to stop talking to us. But whatever you say, we will take within the context of what you are going through and I don't think you will find that any of us have such thin skins that a few bad words or even personal insults will leave you without friends here...

---------- Post added 17th Sep 2016 at 01:17 AM ----------

Scanner backed off because the last thing he wants to do is make things worse for you. But you haven't pissed him off. If you want him back, he will most likely come back. But he doesn't want to cause you MORE frustration or discomfort - just help, if possible.