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I need advice on being bisexual and in a straight relationship

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Yoto2170, Aug 1, 2021.

  1. Yoto2170

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    Hello everyone I need some advice, I’ve been in a straight relationship with a girl that I love deeply for a little over 2 years now but I’m beginning to accept myself more and more as bisexual. I’ve already came out to my girlfriend and she supports me fully but the issue that’s arisen is that I have a strong urge to want to sleep with a guy at least once ( I’m a gay virgin) meaning I’ve never slept with or had any sexual encounter with a guy before.
    I’ve always had this urge and want to sleep with a guy even before meeting my girlfriend. This goes back to me being in my young teen years. Ever since meeting my gf I haven’t thought to much about it because she satisfies me in every other way and we love each other very much and I couldn’t see myself being in a relationship with anyone else. I’m only sexually attracted to guys meaning I don’t like the idea of being in a relationship with one.
    Since I came out to my gf and I’ve fully accepted myself as bisexual this sexual urge of wanting a guy to dominate me and fuck me has only grown stronger and I’m not sure what to do about it. Should I talk to my girlfriend about the possibility of letting me try this with someone? I love my partner so much and don’t want thing to change between us so I’m worried about asking. Anyone else been through this and can share some advice? I’m really struggling and becoming sexually frustrated with myself over it.
     
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  2. Ingvermama

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    Hi, I can imagine how you’re feeling. I’m bisexual, married to a man for nearly 12 years, but the yearning for a relationship with a woman is stronger than ever. I don’t have any answers, I definitely wouldn’t cheat on my partner, but feel there is a part of me missing out on feeling truly happy.
     
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  3. Tikimon20

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    My girlfriend has been the only person I've came out to, and its made us closer. Since coming out about 6 months ago I've noticed that I had more appetite for being with a man. My sexual fantasies are only about men now.
     
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  4. J in Nashville

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    I thought I was bisexual as well. I was even married and had kids. When my wife and I were having some issues, I asked for a separation and told her that I may date while we weren’t together, even though I didn’t tell her it would be men. I always thought that my attraction to men was just sexual, but I came to realize that I was just trying to convince myself of that. That’s my story. Yours most definitely is different. You need to realize what could happen if you go outside your relationship, with or without permission. I still love my now ex wife, but it wasn’t fair for her or me to live a lie. I realized that the emotional connection I had with men was way more than I was expecting. I am a gay man married to another man now. I hope the best for you, and let you know to be totally honest with your partner. It may hurt to sometimes, but it is a must in any relationship.
     
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  5. Jakebusman

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    I get it Bisexual married guy of 10 years would love to sleep/ have relationship with a guy I never got the chance.
     
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  6. BiGemini87

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    I know this feeling well. I'm 34, came out as bi just before my 32nd birthday. I've been with my husband for nearly 17 years (half my life; married for nearly 9 of those years) and I've never been with a woman. As a result, those urges come on strongly now and again.

    In my case, my husband opened the door for me to have a one-time hall-pass. It hasn't happened, because the person I want it with (despite our feelings being mutual) is unavailable in that way. Nor would I ever do anything to hurt her happiness.

    She might not agree to anything like that, but unless you talk to your girlfriend about it, you'll never know. If you talk to her, be as open and honest about your feelings as possible, while also making it clear that you love her very much and won't do anything she's not okay with. If nothing else, putting it out there might alleviate some of the pressure. And even if she needs time to think about it (or is against it right now) she may feel differently later.

    @Ingvermama Very much the same.
     
    #6 BiGemini87, Aug 29, 2021
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2021
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  7. quebec

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    Hello All.....First of all, I don't think that there is one answer for all of you. However...there is one thing that you all need to do (some of you already have) Communicate! Whether you actually end up having an experience that fulfills your bisexual urges or not, communicating with your partner is absolutely paramount. In some cases it may be as difficult as coming out. Nonetheless, if you keep that part of you hidden...even if you never act on it...it will just cause you to have more and more depression and guilt over keeping a secret from your partner. This will never "get better" on its own. It may work out that your partner can handle you having a bisexual experience and it may not work out that way, but keeping the secret WILL start to affect your relationship and your mental health over time.
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  8. Chip

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    I would not recommend going outside of your relationship to try this. Your wife has trusted you, and you owe it to her to be trustworthy and honest.

    One option might be to have a threesome, if she is interested in exploring that. Another is honestly discussing it with her... but that means honoring whatever she is comfortable with (and it my book, it also means not putting undue pressure to try to convice her it's OK, and to genuinely read what she is saying, not what you want to hear.)

    I echo the thoughts of others: If this desire is getting stronger within you, you owe it to yourself to at least consider the possibility that it may not be bisexuality, but awakening same-sex feelings. If that's the case, it doesn't really change things, because the feelings aren't going to go away, nor will you likely be happy (nor successful) trying to suppress them. I'm not suggesting anything in particular, but simply realizing that you're acknowledging a part of you, and that's a good thing, and that as you explore this, it may bring up stronger feelings that could ultimately impact your current relationship.
     
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  9. Nickw

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    @Yoto2170

    I don’t know if you are still reading this forum. But, I thought I would respond.

    I’m bisexual and came out to my wife of 30 years about 5 years ago. My wife was cool with it. After some time, we discussed my desires to be with another man. I had never done anything. I expressed that it was a fantasy and I felt I needed to do that but I needed her more. After a time, she approached me and gave me permission to seek limited intimacy with another man with clearly defined rules. A couple years of that and we changed the rules to include intercourse with a man. Now, I have a boyfriend who my wife adores. It isn’t easy balancing it all; but it works for us. This process took several years. If I would have pushed my wife it would have never happened.

    The key, as others have pointed out, is to be honest and caring through all of this. It also helped us for me to clearly define an exit strategy for the open marriage. If my wife became uncomfortable I agreed it would stop.

    Chip suggested a threesome. I’m not sure that works all that well. Your same sex experience might need to be something you experience for yourself. Although, your wife may be more interested and it really depends on you and your wife. I would be OK with a threesome now. But, I would have been very self conscious the first time in front of my wife.
     
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  10. Sp3ct3re

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    I am definitely no veteran to this lifestyle, but I will tell you my piece in the hope it means something to you, yes I also have these same urges, yes on a certain level it makes me feel guilty as if im betraying my partner, BUT, that does not make them wrong, me and my partner had a talk about this a while ago and my urges have been eased, sometimes a little communication can do wonders
     
  11. SilentM

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    If you don't have someone particular in mind asking is of lower risk than having someone particular in mind and not asking.