So I've been thinking a bit over the last few days. I probably will end up not going back, but I am looking into the idea of going back to therapy. I'm going through another bad patch for the last couple weeks. I'm feeling really low about myself. I can't see any sort of a future. And I still have these chronic suicidal thoughts. I get so angry about life, and I just dont see the point of any of it. I'm pretty sure that it must be depression. Even though I don't think therapy will help (it didn't last time), I should probably try again. I can't go to a doctor for a few reasons, and I don't think meds are the right thing to do either. So therapy may have to do. Problem is, therapy is really expensive where I live. I also work full-time so it will be hard to find time to go. I can't go back to the place I went previously because I feel like I used up their time for a year and a half, and I just didnt make any improvement. Probably through my own doing though. Also, is there any point when my outlook is that's it's not going to help anyway?
I think therapy is always a great idea, because, if your therapist is a competent professional, he/she may work with you to improve the situation you are in. I strongly advise you to consider therapy, if you aren't feeling well. And it is totally ok to look for another therapist, if you weren't satisfied with the previous one. Sometimes, we just don't "click" with a certain professional, and that's ok. However, it is also important to note that therapy is a process, and, depending on the situation, it may take some time until you notice significant changes. Think of it like physiotherapy: It is extremely helpful and necessary on many cases, but you won't completely recover the mobility of a broken arm in just one section. It may take some time (which can be a short time or a longer time, depending on the case). I also recommend you talk to your therapist about your expectations on therapy and any doubts you might have about it. Long story short: I think it is great that you are considering therapy, and I think you should do it.
I'm a big proponent of therapy as a long-term use. Even when you think you are doing fine, I would always see a therapist at least once a year. Like a a doctors check up so you can catch things before they become chronic and harder to solve. That being said, because therapy is expensive and time consuming, it is a good idea to learn how to do it correctly. There is a way to fuck up therapy. Why do you think that therapy didn't work last time? What did you like? What didn't you like? If you want to answer those questions then we might be able to guide you to resources so you can learn how to do therapy in a way that is helpful for you.
Hey guys, In the past ive spent a bit of time with a few different therapists. I dont really seem to click with anyone. Or maybe thats just how therapy feels, i dont know... or maybe im just the one that isnt clicking with the therapist. Yeah, this is something i should have done last time. Haha, yeah i think thats me! I just felt like after on and off sessions for 2yrs, things just werent any easier. I had accomplished some things but basically felt as bad as ever....i still kind of do. I found that i was using the session as simply an outlet. Where i could dump a load of problems for some temporary relief, and that i became too dependent on that. I would struggle to make it to the following week, counting down the days that i could come back. I used to hate the feeling when the session was over, i had to leave, and i knew i hadnt solved my problems and would have to endure another week. Then the therapist started reducing the frequency, and i realised how dependent i became on the sessions. I know its not better to hold stuff in, but by going to therapy i would literally count the days until i could go back. (And then freeze up and say barely anything for the first 3/4 of the session anyway). I also found that things that i rationalised in there, just didnt follow through when i was out in real life. What did i like? The relief, no matter how short-lived is generally was.
One of the things about therapy is that you have to be as honest about your feelings as you can muster. For example, I suffer from an anxiety disorder. One week for some reason I got some serious thoughts that my therapist was incompetent and overwhelmed. I was able to catch the anxiety but in order to truly appease my anxiety I had to talk it out with her and her some reassurance that 1) it is my anxiety 2) we got some real life practice on how to quiet those very specific thoughts down. But if I hadn't told her then everything from that point forward would have been wasted time. You gotta talk it all out. This is a fairly common occurrence. If you want, I would suggest that in the first couple sessions with a new therapist you ask for advice on how to use the therapy correctly. Talk to them about how you felt before, tell them what you told us, and then get tools on things that you can do in-between therapy. Your therapist should give you some tips on what to do when shit goes down in-between. If the tips don't work, next session tell them that and keep trying things until something works. Something will work. Promise Something that helps me a lot is to have a journal of my thoughts and topics I want to make sure I talk on my next session. This allows me to not waste any of the precious time and jump right in. Tell your therapist "why is it taking me so long to open up when therapy starts but I look forward to it the whole week? Why do you think that is?" and then talk it out with your therapist. See what is going on that makes you feel terrified to open up. See if there are things that you and your therapist can do to make it easier. But the trick is that you have to talk about it all. Also talk to your therapist about this. How can you create a support network that allows you to talk about this stuff with friends etc.
So i took the first step.... I got in contact with the organisation that ive previously had therapy with and im meeting my old counsellor in a months time. Im glad im not going to someone new, it means i dont have to start from the beginning again, but at the same time i fear that the therapist will be thinking, "oh god, here he comes again with the same old crap" - honestly he's a lovely man, and thats probably me just getting stupid things in my head, but i kind of just feel bad that he has to take on my case again... ...but this time im going to try harder. Im going to be honest. And im going to try and make it work....i dont really have any other choice.
