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I might be trans.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by mychemromance99, Jul 21, 2020.

  1. mychemromance99

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    I'm AMAB, and for most of my childhood I was pretty gender noncomforming.

    I first experienced gender dysphoria at the age of 15.
    I distinctly remember feeling disconnected with my gender, it didn't feel right.
    However, this didn't last for too long, I experienced (and recognised) brief periods of gender dysphoria that would for a couple of weeks.

    However, at the age of 17 I experienced my longest and most intense experience of gender dysphoria.
    For about 6 months I felt varying degrees of discomfort with my gender, I would picture myself in third person, as a girl and it felt right.

    I'm 21 now. I've always experienced dysphoria since 16 but it has gotten pretty intense over the past few months.

    Is this common in transwomen?

    I've identified as genderfluid but the pronouns don't feel right.

    i feel ridiculously out of place as a cis man and I'm unsure if I'm trans or not.
     
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  2. Mihael

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    I think this is a dilemma that a lot of gender nonconforming people go through. The question is - is transtion (or its elements) a solution for you, how to solve your discomfort. For some people coming to terms with and learning to deal with what their gender nonconformity causes suffices. If you feel that you would rather have a different looking body, then medical transition is for you.
     
  3. mychemromance99

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    Initially I adopted a gender non comforming style which relieve much of my dysphoria.
    I adopted gender neutral pronouns for the same reason.
    Funnily enough, the gender neutral pronouns trigger some dysphoria now.
    Unlike most trans people I haven't had a lifelong struggle with gender dysphoria.
    However, it's been bothering me a lot lately.
    I'm from a country where homophobia is pretty common and transphobia is non existant because most people are unaware of the phenomemon itself.

    Ideally I would have visited a gender therapist but there are several instances of these professionals neglecting patient privacy.
     
  4. Hawk

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    It’s very common for dysphoria to fluctuate, or to not know since early childhood, as those cases are very rare. When you were presenting as non-conforming, why did that feel better than presenting masculinely? Was it because people weren’t seeing you as a man, or because you don’t like the masculine stereotypes associated with men?

    I assume you can’t easily experiment with gender expression or identity very easily where you are, which would be my first suggestion to try and to see if being perceived as female feels better.

    If you’re considering therapy, there are also online counsellors. One site I recommend is Pride Counselling.
     
  5. ChescaC

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    Dysphoria is rough. The process of pre-transition can also be rough. I know that before I began mine, I'd treat what would later be the transition almost as a game, "Frankie is coming to visit." or "Frankie is going out tonight."
    Things got really confusing for me once I started doing Drag, because there'd be times where I'd go to a show "in character" even if I wasn't performing. I started doing shows for fun in February 2017, first professional show was in June 2017, I had my "This is me" moment February 2018. (A Friend of mine actually started using female pronouns to describe me before i even came out to him, starting around August). It became confusing for me because i felt complete when I became my character.

    Growing up, I never really knew there was a word for what I was feeling in that I didn't exactly 'feel' male.
     
  6. mychemromance99

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    Except my close friends most people saw me as a man even when I presented myself in a gender nonconforming manner.
    It felt better because I don't feel comfortable with the gender stereotypes associated with men, in this regard I have always identified with the feminine stereotypes to a certain degree.

    Also, my discomfort with masculine stereotypes arises out of a sense of not being (conventionally) masculine enough but more importantly because I feel a sense of comfort when people associate me with feminine stereotypes.

    Thank you for your reply Hawk, I recognise you from a few years ago. I'll check out the site soon.

    I've asked a friend to use female pronouns and I have felt a tiny bit of comfort?
    I dunno how to put it, it feels right.
    I'll continue on this for a couple weeks and then decide how to proceed.
    I might move to a different country within a couple years and I'd like to figure out my gender identity by then.
    Meanwhile I'm trying to find a gender therapist in my city.
     
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