I love my best friend, but what am I to him?

I'm heterosexual and panromantic, which means I just love people I love regardless of their gender but still sexually attracted to females.

I have a best friend whom I have met in school since less than a year. We became best friends in about a month or so and this is the first time I'm experiencing a friendship this fast. As we are really close, I started to love him. I want to hug him, cuddle him, spend every single moment with him, help him whenever he needs, etc.

Although we have a really great friendship, I can see the differences between our friendship and his friendships with others. We would tease each other, hit each other, get close to each other and have a lot of body contacts, care for each other, always being lovely. He also gets jealous when other people get really close to me, and will do something to "grab" me back. We talk a lot too, and would call or text each other outside the school. I have told him that I love him, and he has done so too, but I don't think we took each other seriously.

However, he does act totally different when others are around. He acts like a man, talks about girls and about his crush, which he has talked about it with me before (when I first knew him) but tries to avoid this topic eventually. He does still desire to have a relationship though, which is pretty sure that he's completely straight. He is just another person when he's with me, and will show a different side of him when there's totally no other people around. He is fine when others say that we are lovely too, which I'm not fond of it as he might think that it is a joke.

I have a few honest questions to ask: What do I mean to him? Is he not straight? Am I just fulfilling his desire for a relationship?

Thanks.:icon_wink

 

Thanks a lot for the reply!

May I know more about the touchy/emotional thing and why it is not "acceptable" by male standards?

I'm still really confused why does he avoid topics about his crush or girls which other people usually talk when he's with me. Could it be because he noticed that I have feelings for him? Or is he just trying to blend in with other guys (as they talk about girls and stuffs most of the time)?

 

Thanks and sorry for posting in the wrong section.
I'm quite new haha.

 

Thanks for helping me buddy, you've helped me a lot, at least some answers that lead to possibilities for me!

Yeah I agree with you, he is not tough but always acts like he is. Sometimes he also jokes about how tougher he is than I am. I'm actually tough, but when I'm with him, I would like him to be tougher than me as it seems that he enjoys being the "tougher guy" and takes me as a "non-tough guy", and this is also why I'm afraid that I'm actually an alternative.

I'm also in the fear of getting backlash too, although I'm a panromantic, as it's actually under the same LGBT umbrella. When I say I'm heterosexual panromantic, people just don't care. They will just take you as a homosexual and homoromantic, it's kinda sad..