I like my friend but I don’t know if I should ever tell her

Hey that is a really tough decision and there really isn’t a perfect answer to it. On the one hand I totally understand your concerns about ruining the friendship and her finding it weird. On the other hand what if she is sitting at home thinking exactly the same thing. I think I would lean towards telling her but of course it’s easier for me to say that as I don’t have anything to lose.

 

When you say you will be leaving, do you mean the area or the country or what? How big is the age difference?

 

In general I would say a couple of years isn’t much. It all depends how old you are (you don’t have to tell me), I’d say if you were 16 and 18 then 2 years seems quite a large age gap. Whereas if you were 21 and 23 then that is much less. are you seeing the move as permanent? I guess it depends exactly how you feel about her and how much you might regret it if you don’t say anything.

 

What's more important to you, friendship or opportunity? I've had friends I've liked but I chose friendship over opportunity because I decided something was better than nothing. Had they indicated they were interested, then this may have changed but I decided not to risk it. It's definitely not a fun situation to be in. I hope everything works out for you whatever you decide to do.

 

This seems like one of those times when each of us has to decide what we need to do and the choice we make can go either way and have consequences we might not like, but doing nothing doesn’t get us anywhere right? It’s amazing how much power we give to fear doesn’t it. Wish you the very best.

 

Sounds like you’re asking yourself the right questions. Wondering where your friend is with this? Have you asked her? Loving others is full of hard choices and risk….. the alternative is to second guess everything and stay stuck. I hear your confusion and fear. We’re here to support you regardless of how it goes. Keep us posted. We’re here…

 

I hear you. What I know is if we don’t do something how we feel about someone, there’s never any clarity to the relationship. Does she know how you feel about her? That’s simply your truth and it sort of make sense that you would want her to know that right? I wonder if the best move is to share your feelings about her with her. That kind of sharing is limited but makes the point. That’s a certainty right? It’s also honest..

 

I do understand how scared you are Anxious. Where you are is pretty miserable. I’m guessing your choice is to stay miserable or put it out there. These choices are so hard. No rush though. It’s still your choice.

 

It's not just enough, it's everything. She would be very lucky to have you.

There are other concerns to think about of course, your moving away being a big one, but this is not one of them okay? When you come with nothing, you are really coming with the most valuable and important thing, yourself.

Your age difference concern was adorable. Sorry if that sounded like I was making fun of it, but 2 years? Seriously? I'd date someone 10 years older if they were the right one. Queer people, on average, tend to not be as ageist as straight people. Probably because when 4.5% of the population is queer, beggars can't be choosers? Sounds like a cynical thought but I bet it's based on at least some truth.

 

So 2 years - 6 Years? You’re old enough to make your own decisions, she’s old enough to make her own decisions. I’m not understanding the problem with the ages. Help me out here.

 

What i did with a friend, one i could be open about with was i tested the waters, it can be something as innocent as a joke, where you can still play it off. So, for example we were eating together and i was joking about, 'good that we split the bill, otherwise one of us would have to have sex with the other' his answer was 'i'm not ready for this yet' and that's it. No awkwardness, everything was out in the open and in the end both have plausible deniability to play it off as a joke.

If you are too shy, you could try to get her drunk, not in a predatory way, but simply in a way that you can mess and probe around a bit more and feel less inhibited.
I think what can be important is not to force such things, when there is an opportunity to test the waters, you may could think of the right joke, the right question, an opportunity to build body contact.
Another way would be voicing a vague need without her being explicitly included, like 'i'd love to kiss a girl some time again' stuff like this could be a good opportunity to gauge her reactions. Maybe she says something like 'oh me too' and you could half jokingly engage with 'so, why aren't we right now?'
Stuff has still lots of plausible deniability, and you could even voice your concerns in a joking, yet honest matter.
If she wasn't bisexual i would not feel as comfortable with this approach, but if you have a good connection, i in my naivety and from a distance would assume that even if she knew that it was an honest attempt how she could feel anything but empathy for and flattery from her good friend who basically just made her a very honest compliment.
And if you can still be her friend besides the rejection, then, where would be the issue?

I hope this was not some kind of unsolicited advice, it is of course a thousand times easier to rationalize such a situation if you do not have the full picture and don't have your own skin in the game.