I know I’d be happier out but I can’t bring myself to do it

I share your concerns and observations (though trans, not gay - in my case). At 50 I wonder if it will be greater trouble than what I gain. But at 50 I also realize it is never too late to look at who your authentic self is. I haven’t come out - so I don’t know what best advice to give - except to say taking only a few steps towards my authentic self has so far been more rewarding than I ever expected. However you choose to complete your journey, you are not alone in feeling unsure about the next step … I hope you find your path.

 

I knew I liked both boys and girls at a young age I came out at 29 im 33 I agree love seeing teens today being there true selves.

 

Too late at 31? Nope, not at all. It's just safer for people to come out younger now, hence why you see kids and teens coming out sooner now. (And even some of them supress it due to bullying or the way they were raised- I did, so deep I had no idea or awareness of my sexual orientation or gender identity until I was seventeen. I should've known six years beforehand at least.)

What consequences are you afraid of?

 

It is never too late. I will turn 49 next month. I came only two months ago. Best thing that I ever did for myself.

 

I think a lot of us middle aged feel like that. It's the fear of the unknown that keeps me in the closet. I have an idea of how family would react. The older members would not be happy whereas the younger members would be more accepting. The reaction would simply mirror society in that respect. It seems silly that sexuality in young people today is far more wildly accepted than it is for a middle aged or older people, yet apart from age, there is no difference. Sexuality doesn't have a cut off age but society seems to act like it sure does in my opinion.

I believe in some ways I definitely would be happier being out but in other ways, not. Its risks vs rewards, pros vs cons and eventually the pros will out weigh the cons. I feel something will change that will shift that balance and that most likely will come in the form of a partner, as I think it would be unfair to him to stay in the closet and keep the relationship a secret. It wouldn't last long being built on that foundation.

I believe you need to take some time and learn to accept and love yourself for who you are. There's nothing wrong with being gay. There have been gay people since the dawn of time and there will still be gay people at the end of time. I've always believed that the only choice you have sexuality wise is acceptance. You don't choose your sexuality, you choose to accept it or not. I believe self acceptance is the first step of many in one's sexuality journey. Acceptance doesn't mean coming out. It means no longer fighting yourself and if the fight is gone, you can the spend more energy in the things that matter, moving forward, towards the day where you can openly be who you are. Good things take time. Being in the closet doesn't make you any less gay.

You cannot change the things in your past so there's no point dwelling on them anymore. Draw a line in the sand and think, better late than never. Being late to the party doesn't mean you're not at the party.

I wish you well in your journey.

 

Hi @DC10704, I have recently restarted my coming out at age 29 and I identify so much with everything you said. The time and environment I grew up in (and maybe you as well) was so much more tolerant than previous generations.. and yet... I couldn't bring myself to do it when I went to college and instead, promptly catapulted myself back into the closet for the past 10 years. It makes me both really happy, and really sad, to see so many beautiful young people who are seemingly so fearless. I know that may not be the complete picture, but I feel like they are a lot braver than I have ever been.

So with that, I am rather short on advice. But I will say just take it one day at a time, one problem at a time... It's taken some time to get to this point, and it will take some time to work through it. As sad as I feel sometimes, I am so thankful that we have all made this decision to start, because that's what matters! Nobody ever guaranteed life would be perfect, and I have no doubt that we would have different struggles in an alternate universe. But this is the struggle that we have right now, and I'm trying to make the most of it. I hope you can start on that process with us and do the same!!!

It's never too late friend

 

It's not uncommon to experience these feelings when you haven't had the opportunity to come out at a young age; speaking both from experience and from the many stories I've read like yours, the "what ifs" and "if only's" play havoc on many older LGBT people. I won't say it's easy to overcome these feelings (or that you will necessarily overcome them in full), but I do find it gets easier if you let yourself feel them and while you do, you work through them by going over all the reasons you didn't back then and hesitate to now.

For instance, you can reflect on things like the nature of your relationship with your parents, siblings, or other close family members. Examine your friendships, the dynamic between you and your peers in school, the kinds of things you might have heard any of these people--or even complete strangers--say about homosexuality. Oftentimes, the biggest roadblocks to coming out are the negative viewpoints we've internalized from others, or the messages we've seen/heard in media.

Take your time to think about how coming out might impact your important relationships: do you believe your loved ones will take issue with it? What have they said/done to make you think so? If they haven't said/done anything, where does this fear come from? Do you feel ready to come out at all, or does it feel like an obligation? If the former, is there anyone you trust, perhaps someone else you know to be part of the LGBT that you can come out to?

 

I feel for you. At 34, happily married to a woman and I have two beautiful daughters. I don't know how coming out would look. Would it change how people look at me? Probably. But how would people act towards them? That's what worries me.

 

It was hard for me to come out to my wife did it 4 years ago

 

Im in my 50s and coming out to a few people in the past few years , but feel better for it. The hardest was to my husband and adult son. We welcome you

 

I have came out to my wife, but that's it. When our kids are old enough to understand I will tell them as well but nobody else knows.

 

Who all else do you want to know ?

 

My wife has asked me that same question and I don't have an answer. I just don't like being mid conversation about something regarding my sexuality and having to cut it off when we get around people.