Ugh okay, so I lived with my girlfriend for theee years with her parents. We were fighting a lot and i was losing myself, so i moved out to gain independence and space for myself. At the same time, her relationship with her parents worsened (she lives with them still), and she wanted to move out with me to another place to get away. She was mad at me initially because I wanted to live by myself and not her. We eventually came up with a compromise that I would stay at my new place until we found a place to move into together. Now she found a place and we've been approved. But i realized im conflicted. On one hand, I love having my own space. Its like a refuge for me and it helps me have space for my identity (which is often kinda fragile). On the other, her own mental health is suffering from staying where she is. She barely sleeps and she has depression. On the other hand, I wonder if the relationship is really working....But im her only chance of moving out and she's really excited and it would suck for her if i backed out. Plus, her mental health. I feel a lot like a kid that doesnt know what she's doing. I have a lot of anxiety and i want to do the right thing. I dont wanna be selfish. I dont know what to do. Advice?(&&&)
It's important that you don't do something you don't want to do. If you can't live with her, be honest. For whatever reasons you have, and you can say it nicely, but you need to be honest with her. It will be best for you. And although you don't want to be selfish, and I understand this, you would not be doing her any good by moving in with her and making each other more miserable. You're very young and moving in with a girlfriend that you're not ready to live with again like this, compounded by the reasons you moved out in the first place, seems like a move that could really hurt both of you down the road.
Oh God, this is difficult. As terrible as it seems you do have to look out for yourself. You don't want to move into a place and be miserable. Since you are considering this it does show me that you do care a lot about this woman and her mental health is a major issue here. My concern though is if you do move into together in your own place and fighting starts than you have two people that are having issues and it will most likely end up back to square one with one or the other moving out. I ultimately can't tell you what to do, but if it was me in your situation I would choose keeping my own space and not move in together.
Gosh, I really don't know what to say, I feel bad for you both honestly. I'm sorry I don't know the right words to say. I can kind of relate because I have depression and I am currently in a place where my own mental health is questionable anymore. But this ain't about me. My best advice is you have to do what is best for you. In the end you're the one that knows what to do. Even if you don't know it right now. I wish you the best honey, sorry I couldn't be of more help, :icon_redf
So here's the thing, if I'm being 100% honest, if I were in this situation I would move in with her. BUT...big but...I am a people pleaser and generally fear disappointing others, especially those I love, and also take on helping other people with their problems instead of fixing my own. In other words, I'd put her first instead of myself. And that is not the way it should be. It doesn't make you selfish to do what you need to do for yourself and put your needs first.
Thanks guys for commenting. I'm really overwhelmed and its so nice to have support I keep thinking that i can reach a compromise. Maybe we move in, but i set really good boundries? Truthfully, idk if it will work. I, too, am a people pleaser and I tend to lose myself so easily. Im just so afraid and stressed. Its tough. I'll let you guys know what I decide
