I need to get my thoughts out. So I have been having doubts about being transgender, but thinking, that maybe I'm just trying to convince myself that I'm not, so that my life would be easier this way and wouldn't have to come out. The doubts come from little things, like sometimes, being completely okay with wearing dresses (I know that wearing dresses does not indicate anything, but still sometimes it feels off to me and sometimes I'm okay) and about my body overall and other times I feel really off and get dysphoria. Another example, that I am using male products, just bought myself even aftershave and got all happy about it and using them helps ease dysphoria and it just feels good, same with wearing male clothing and compressing my chest area. Also, when I'm imagining being in my female body for the rest of my life, then overwhelming sorrow out of nowhere comes over me. Maybe it's just bipolar disorder or depression, that does this? Sometimes I'm wondering, if it's all just one big mistake. I feel like an imposter and that I don't belong. The euphoria I got, when I first figured I was male, was so amazing and I keep chasing that euphoric feeling and it all just made sense to me. Why else it felt like all the puzzle pieces finally fit in place? I just wish to be comfortable in my own body and be happy. Thank you for reading my ramblings.
Doubts are more common than you might think. There could be a number of reasons as to why you are doubting yourself. What I found that might help is to keep a journal and write all your thoughts (good and bad moments, dysphoric and euphoric moments), and log how long and persistent these waves are. If you are experiencing doubts, don't try and rush yourself into anything, either. If you have a therapist, you could mention this to them as well to try and help you through some of this. There's a video you may be able to relate to here explaining imposter syndrome:
Thank you. This is very helpful. I watched through the video and what I noticed that I think there is still a small part inside of me, that haven't truly accepted it all. Keeping a journal about these things is a good idea, but I have to be consistent keeping it and that might be a problem, because I keep forgetting stuff, but I will give it a try and see if it helps me.
Thanks for this. I’ve recently made a decision to change how I present my gender identity to others. I’m still figuring it all out - and as bit of a pragmatist, wonder if I ever really will . Just want to say thanks for pointing me in the direction of Dr Z. I’ve watched a few of her videos, and while not everything applies to me, it’s been very helpful getting a professional perspective on some of the thoughts I’ve buried or tarried with internally for 50 years.
