Hello there ! I don't know if you can call this a good introduction, since I feel like I just talk about my life, but still ! Life is part of who we are. A few days before 2020 I found the existence of emptyclosets when I googled "i'm gay and i'm in the closet". I found a place where there was, finally, people like me, questionning as much as I did... I'm 20, and I just arrived to a point where I just can't keep on pretending or erasing who I really am... All of my life, it's always been about finding who I really am on every aspect of my being, what I am on Earth for. It's still is, but after all I am so young, it's always hard to live knowing that you don't know who you are and what future awaits you... I always had a lot of anxiety about life and self-doubt in general. The fear of "not fitting in" and not finding my place has always been very present, maybe it's because I experienced rejection very early as a child, because of my personnality, habits, tastes, etc. I kinda just deeply integrated the fact that I would never be fully accepted if I showed the others who I really am. Of course, years passing by and, having a loving family, helped me evolve when I grew up. Like every child and teen, I searched myself, I made mistakes... And the day I became an adult, I think it's when I realized everything that was behind me - people I've met, things I've done and think - actually have a meaning and helped me shape who I am. Growing up is learning to love life, loving other people, and loving yourself. And it really takes a lot of years to know how to love and how to live. I am lucky to never have experienced rejection or violence specifically related to my romantic and sexual attraction. Instead, I struggled internally with internalized homophobia as a teen, and I only came to term with my sexuality a few months ago. But when I finally came out to myself "I'm homosexual, I finally know the truth", the anxiety of being left out just came back. I know it's silly, but I felt like the kid sitting alone again, apart from the others simply because the way I am is not the way the others are. I suddenly noticed that everyone around me is straight. That's why I am so happy to have found emptyclosets. We all struggle, but we stand up still... At new year, I have posted a blog post when I basically told my story (how I knew I was gay because it was complicated to find out), if you're interested in reading it : https://forum.emptyclosets.com/index.php?blogs/the-next-decade-is-coming-and-i-have-to-come-out.579/ I hope it can help someone to figure out their identity too. I still haven't came out to my family but I'm waiting first to go better with myself, having less anxiety about the future and less self-doubt. I'm on a good path, I'm already better than a few months ago. Life is good ! To the people reading this, take care
