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I just came out and I feel awful!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ellyy, May 15, 2016.

  1. ellyy

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    Hey, guys. Nothing can really make me feel better right now than advice from fellow LGBT+ people.

    So, I just came out as a lesbian to four of my friends and their reactions were amazing! They were really happy for me and I'm so grateful for them. BUT, afterwards I felt an intense wave of shame fall over me and I don't know how to handle it. I just feel like there is something wrong with me for being a lesbian even though I don't necessarily regret coming out (it was also about time). I just feel so ashamed and I don't know how to handle it.
     
  2. YuriBunny

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    Just try to cheer yourself up for now, by distracting yourself with something you like.

    It'll probably pass once you adjust to the situation. (*hug*) It'll take some getting used to.

    Congrats on coming out!
     
  3. Totesgaybrah

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    It's great that you told your friends and that they were supportive.
    Honestly I think it just takes time to accept yourself, not just accept but fully embrace who you are. Time and conscious effort.

    I only finally accepted that I'm not straight last October and since then it has been a part of my thoughts every single day. and it has been a pretty hard to embrace it and not feel a little shame every once in awhile, but each day gets better and easier, at least for the most part.
     
  4. ellyy

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    Thank you guys. You have no idea how much I appreciate you responding to my thread.
    I agree that it will probably take some time to accept myself and I'll need to be patient :slight_smile:
     
  5. Silver Sparrow

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    Hi ellyy, that feeling definitely happens, especially when people start coming out. Be patient with yourself and practice self care. I'm proud of you!
     
  6. SillyGoose

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    Congratulations..
    You've done one of the bravest things you'll do in your life..
    You have done something great..
    Don't let shame that doesn't exist get you down..
     
  7. silverhalo

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    Hey congratulations on coming out. I think sometimes we build up to coming out so much in our heads running through every possible reaction and all of the bad reactions that we could get, that when we do come out and everything is positive it can almost feel a bit like a let down. I know this sounds strange because how can you feel let down when you got the best reaction possible but it definitely happens.
     
  8. Loppox

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    Hey Elly congratss! So brave

    I'm glad your friends responded so well :slight_smile:
    There is nothing wrong with being a lesbian although you feel that way. A lot of us feel that way, so you are not alone :grin:

    You already know what to do haha. But being patient can be a hasle and it feels very frustrating just to wait for it to pass (because when will it pass????!!). (the feeling of shame I mean)

    Distract yoself with stupid movies or any kind of distracting activity.

    It's real nice to see this man. I mean I've seen your previous posts and such. so, yeah :grin:

    Have a great day Elly. :grin:
     
  9. PlaidGlove

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    Congratulations!! Well done!!

    Hey, it's OK to feel awful. Consider this: What you just released has been repressed with a lot of painful feelings, like shame, guilt, whatever label you want to put on them. The point is that you can't release a truth repressed with emotions for so long without releasing the emotions that kept that truth under wraps. It's like opening a present: you've gotta make the wrapping paper all messy if you're going to look inside. Does that make sense?

    So for now, just be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to feel those emotions, maybe ask yourself where they come from: Are they connected to any specific memories? Did someone shame you or make you feel guilty or scared or different? If you were to re-experience those memories today, how would you feel about them?
     
  10. Girlluvva69

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    Hey Ellyy good on you but don't feel awful it's a magic transformation you have all of us for support, you will live with it and everyone else will get on with their lives and it feel like nothing ever happened except for you it will feel like being on top of the world and nothing to be ashamed about go for it
     
  11. CharacterStudy

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    Congratulations! You are a very brave and honest person. I am glad your friends were supportive.

    Plaid Glove's answer is excellent.
     
  12. Butterfly2016

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    Congrats on coming out ^^ it will take some getting used to. But trust me its gonna be worth it.
     
  13. A Mindful Wolf

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    This is the time when your true friends will shine ^^ Don't let anything get you down, you'll be better for it once this period of time passes.
     
  14. jacotime45

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    i think it is really cool that you had the corige to come out
     
  15. Sandmann

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    When I came out I felt really bad too. It will pass because you just let out a big secret. Now after 3 years I don't think about my sexuality very much at all. Give yourself time. Congratulations on having the courage.
     
  16. Bubbletea

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    I understand the shame 1000%. When I came out to my best friend (who is a bisexual woman) as tg I felt ashamed and when I came out to my gf I felt like I was a dirty freak of nature who needed to be put down.

    Suddenlymy secret was out, people knew. People knew!!! I was so abnormally ashamed. SoI guessthe feeling is normal.

    Please remember you are just as normal as straight humans or even nature (since 1500+ species have gay trades) so dont worry. If people dont accept you thenleave them behind cause they will never understand. And those that stay with you will always do so from now on.

    Love yourself the way you are. At the end of the day that is all that matters. That YOU love yourself. And if you do your environment will eventually love you too.

    Also, good on your friends :slight_smile: