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I have noticed a theme among gays and lesbians

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by dudette, Mar 4, 2018.

  1. dudette

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    So, I have noticed that many gays feel comfortable around girls and many lesbians feel comfortable around guys (I mean maybe its just in my environment, but as kids (under 12 years) gays would hangout with girls and lesbians with boys). How come? it is not like lesbians are guys and gays are girls, but I have noticed that they tend to hang out with the opposite sex (not all of course).
     
    #1 dudette, Mar 4, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2018
  2. I'm gay

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    I think this is similar to the idea presented in "When Harry Met Sally," that men (straight) can't be friends with women because attraction gets in the way. It seems fairly common that gay men have more difficulty being friends with men because sexual attraction gets in the way as well. Naturally, gay men often have more female friends because they aren't attracted to them.
     
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  3. Earthfae

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    I personally grew up around all boys at home. So I related more to the boys than the girls growing up. Then came the am in so judgemental middle & high school years. I hung out with boys so i kust be a slut... so i started spending more time with girls. I wanted so much more during all those sleepovers... see now? Lol
     
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  4. azzi

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    I grew up in a family with just my dad and my brother. In highschool though, I mostly had girlfriends, and then in college, mixture of guys and girls. I think I'm still more comfortable with more girls around.
     
  5. Chip

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    The interesting thing I've noticed is... with some gay guys that's totally true (all their friends are girls). With others, it's the opposite... friends are all guys. I've not seen any particular rhyme or reason to it, but I'd hazard a guess that I'm Gay's theory is correct.
     
  6. Devil Dave

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    As a kid always preferred to play with girls, because the boys were always running around being noisy and playing football and I didn't like that. As an adult I find a lot of men around my age or older are not interested in football, or they are able to reserve their interest in sports for more suitable occasions. Like they got all that running around out of their system when they were younger and now they prefer to chill out and behave a bit more like the way I've always wanted to behave. So I find it easier to be friends with straight men these days because they have matured and are open to being around men who aren't like the boys they grew up playing with.

    I do seem to feel uncomfortable around other gay men, though. I tend to think they are going to judge me and criticize me (a lot of gay men have in the past) and I also avoid being friends with gay men I don't find attractive in case they end up liking me (which has also happened)

    Women can be annoying, though. Especially when they try to be my fag hag.
     
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  7. angeluscrzy

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    I always preferred the cocompamy of girls because I didn't feel I had to play along with any of the "macho" crap.
    Didn't like sports, didn't like cars, and i found talking lustfully about girls to be distasteful, and just not me.
     
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  8. becKEY0011

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    Gay guys befriend only girls, lesbians only befriend guys...so following that analogy, bisexuals should be just sore loners, eh? That's not how it works sweetie.
    Well, back to the question, I generally feel more comfy with the guys because they are more straightforward and open about stuff (usually), loyal as friends and less likely to be selfish. My mom always said me to go befriend guys.
    Girls I befriended were always feeding on hideous rumors, gossips, how their skin isn't so clear, what makeup brand to use et cetera, and also used to be very judgmental and selfish, didn't like seeing me succeed, got jealous and started drama if I even breathed at their boyfirend's direction. Doesn't feel awesome to be treated that way, it got toxic at one point...so I ditched 'em. Never did my sexual orientation interfere with my friend choices.
     
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  9. Creativemind

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    I've noticed this is true for gay guys, but with lesbians....actually, not so much. Most of the lesbians I know are uncomfortable around men and have a completely different reaction to them. Well, especially as adults. It might be different with younger kids, but I think that has more to do with gender stereotypes.
     
    #9 Creativemind, Mar 11, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2018
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  10. Naters2000

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    This isn’t necessarily true for me. I have a lot of girl friends, but I have a lot of guy friends too. It really depends on your preference.
     
  11. Devil Dave

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    I've also noticed that if a social occasion turns sour and unpleasant, it's normally likely because a female has become offended at something and thrown a hissy fit. I think my male friends are less likely to ruin a good night out if they are bothered by something.
     
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  12. Earthfae

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    THAT!! Yes. Lol
     
  13. OGS

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    I sometimes think it has a fair amount to do with how out you are. Most of the gay guys I know have mainly male friends, but many of them did have mainly female friends when they were younger--pre coming out.
     
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  14. Chip

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    That seems pretty consistent with my experience as well, and I've seen younger people shift from almost all female friends to mostly male ones as they met more gay people.
     
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  15. Chip

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    I dunno. I've seen an awful lot of dramatic gay guys get offended and storm off in a huff. I don't think one can make the generalization that either sex holds the award for most easily offended.
     
  16. dudette

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    me too, thats why I was more curious about your childhoods and not adulthoods
     
  17. Devil Dave

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    and that's probably another reason why I often feel uncomfortable around other gay men. It is a gay stereotype to be bitchy.
     
  18. Rhyan7

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    I grew up with two sisters and have always had more female friends than male. i found it easier to talk to females and open up to them because of this, even though I'm bi. attraction can get in the way but I find that only happens when I'm really good friends with someone.
     
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  19. Niagara

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    This does not apply to me at all. I've never had a female friend and only a few significant acquaintances. I'm much less comfortable around girls compared to guys too. I don't even know why, I just get really quiet and guarded when a girl is around, especially in a group where everyone else are male like when someone brings their girlfriend with them that day.
     
    #19 Niagara, Mar 17, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2018
  20. Lexa

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    I'm bisexual and I've always had way more female friends than male friends but that's probably because me and macho behaviour don't go very well together. I actually do get along with men really well as long as they are not the macho type.

    I think it's an interesting question though because I've noticed I look differently at new colleagues than my straight colleagues. We have a new male colleague, I met him, decided I liked him and concluded I probably would get along very well with him as a colleague. Case closed, I feel no need to discuss the way he looks etc. My straight female colleagues on the other hand have whole conversations about it. I really don't understand why, he's not that good-looking, but apparently since he's a man (most of my colleagues are women) for them it's still an issue while for me, it's not. I'm just like "yeah, I'm so glad we'll probably make great colleagues". That doesn't mean I wouldn't notice it when he looks better than he normally does at some point, I do notice that in men as well as in women, but I tend to rarely talk about it. I react the same way concerning new female colleagues. I categorize people differently I think? Other people's thoughts on this are welcome :slight_smile: .