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I have feelings for a friend, need advice

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by hbm6867, Mar 3, 2018.

  1. hbm6867

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    To start off I'm 15 y/o male, 16 in a month, and I'm new here. I signed up for advice after reading some other threads. My story starts about 7 months ago when I met my friend, who I will refer to as C. I later started having more than just friendly feelings for this person. I have never had feelings for a guy but I've also never felt this strongly for someone before. I don't know how to approach it or even if I should tell him. He is a senior (I'm a sophomore) and he has a girlfriend but sometimes he gives off vibes that make it seems like he might not be strictly straight. I haven't been able to sleep at night and I really need some advice. Part of me wants to pour my heart out to him before he graduates but I'm not sure. I'm afraid word will get around that I'm "gay" and let's just say my family is not exactly accepting to homosexuals so i don't know how they will react. Please help.
     
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  2. leonel

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    are you considering coming out of the closet at one point in your life? 'cause i understand it must be hard to come out right now, while you still live with your parents. i think it would be best to let C know what you feel (since you can't sleep because of it), but it's very likely that he'll tell someone about it. i mean, you could tell him not to tell anyone, and hope for the best. in any case, i think you should express what you feel but also be very careful!
     
  3. hbm6867

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    Hey I know it’s been awhile but let’s just say I’ve been busy. So I had a school trip with this guy and we bunker together in the hotel which I was excited but nervous about. It turns out he’s very cuddly and that’s what ended up happening in the bed on the last night there, cuddling. Anyways I wasn’t able to sleep that last night and I found myself laying awake not being able to sleep because I knew this would be the last time I would ever be this close to this guy. Well I accidentally moved his hand and apparently that’s something that wakes him up and he did, but he didn’t let me know he was awake. He did start doing things that made me question if he was asleep like pulling me really close and his breathing was heavy. He could tell that I was super nervous at this point because my heart was beating out of my chest wondering if I should say something and see I he was awake. He decided to start talking to me and got me calmed down and we both ending up admitting that we both had feelings for each other. There was some more cuddling and some kissing and maybe a little more which might seem like moving a little fast but we’ve both been watching each other from the sidelines for 8 months now. Neither of us have ever had a relationship where everything feels so natural like this. This was about a week ago and since then we have been in a closeted relationship which is difficult but both of us are not ready to come out due to judgemental parents. He does have a girlfriend and we’ve been discussing how to handle that in the best way possible. Any more advice would be great but all I know right now is I’ve never been so happy. I fell for this guy the first time I saw him and he’s even better than I could have imagined. He’s sweet, caring, understanding, and he just has this way of making me feel calm and safe no matter what’s going on. Thanks for listening and the advice.
     
  4. wardrobeescaper

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    Wow. Ok these things don't usually happen. Though I would see what he is going to do about the girlfriend. It's not going to be a good relationship if he's got both of you. Also how old is this guy?
     
  5. hbm6867

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    Yeah, I know I thought I had absolutely no chance with this guy. As far as the girlfriend he plans on breaking up with her soon there just isn’t a firm plan yet. He is 17, he turns 18 5 days after I turn 16. Things are only staying quiet until he graduates because if it comes out before then his mom would flip.
     
  6. Chierro

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    Like wardrobeescaper said, these kind of things don't usually happen, but they make my heart happy when they do. I love seeing people happy.

    The key things to keep in mind here are definitely that he still has his girlfriend. It isn't fair to her for him to be dating both of you, even if he's dating you in secret. Also, are you ready to be out? You said things are staying quiet until he graduates which will be in June, I'm guessing. He'll have graduated, but you'll still have two years of high school left. Obviously you have strong feelings for C and secret relationships aren't exactly fun to keep, but you need to consider if you're ready to be out and dating him.

    Best of luck, friend :slight_smile:
     
  7. wardrobeescaper

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    17 and 15... Bit of a gap there if you ask me. I know it's not many years in age terms, but it is a lot in maturity and life milestones. People change a lot when they go off to college/uni. In the UK where I am from, it is illegal to have sex with an under 16 if your over that age. Also the girlfriend is still in the picture. I would be asking him to choose. Doesn't mean he has to come out but stop stringing the girl along. She's a person too. He can't have his cake and eat it. Perhaps one of the older mods can also advise
     
  8. hbm6867

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    To answer your question, yes I’m completely ready to be out and dating him. But like I said that can’t happeb until he’s 18 or his mom would take his car, phone, etc. the girlfriend will soon be out of the picture as I have told him he has to make a choice. He said that he knows but he can’t just bluntly break up with her and give no reason so he needs to give it a little bit so he can start creating some distance. It’s hard to understand from an outside point of view but there is no doubt in my mind when it comes to trusting C. I know that he’s only doing the best he can and he really is a good person. He knows stringing her along is hurting her but he also knows that dumping her right before prom would crush her as she was already asked by him before I came along.
     
  9. hbm6867

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    Yes I understand the age gap but I’m quite a mature person, and that’s not just me saying it. I typically make more friends with older people like the senior class. When he goes to college next year I will be visiting as I have a lot of friends graduating this year that will be in the same college. I know it’s only been two weeks and I don’t want to seem naive but I know that C cares about me. Whenever problems started coming up with my mom he didn’t waver even when he thought that my mom might tell his and that he might be on total lockdown at home. He’s been there for me through the shitstorm that came along when my mom figured this all out and that’s more than I can say for my own family.
     
  10. wardrobeescaper

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    I hope it all works out for you dude. Was your mum not happy with you being gay?