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I have a plan

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Fritzcoop, Feb 20, 2020.

  1. Fritzcoop

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    Hi friends, well in case you haven't read my saga, I came out to my family in October. My wife did know, we were friends way before marriage and I was out. We've been married over 30 years. I have been planning to move out on my own since. Not just because I'm gay but I'm unhappy in our relationship. There are other issues. Well I have had a terrible time looking for a place. I will still have financial responsibilities with my family and then add new expenses. It's been overwhelming. So out of desperation I placed an add on craigslist. It was stupid to post " gay man looking to share rent..." but I did. I got some crazy responses but actually may have something even better than I imagined at the end of the month.
    Now how do I tell my wife its time. She's known it's coming but that won't matter. I've got a new account and have written a spending/dividing plan. I'm planning to have all my income transferred to the new account and then deposit the household money into the present family account. I want to go over this with my wife but I'm afraid she will sabotage it. It's happened before that's why I haven't left.
     
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  2. LostInDaydreams

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    I’m pleased to hear that you’ve got a plan.

    This is your income, so I presume you can inform your employer that it needs to go in a different account without your wife needing to sign anything, right?

    I think honesty is usually the best policy, but if you were a woman, we’d be calling any sabotage on your husband’s part controlling. So, given the situation, I think you can say you’ve tried to do things by being completely honest, it hasn’t worked, so now you’re going to do what you need to do get this done.

    If necessary, don’t tell her where you’re going until it’s finalised, and if you think it’s needed, not until you’ve actually moved out.
     
    #2 LostInDaydreams, Feb 20, 2020
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2020
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  3. justaguyinsf

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    You might want to talk to a lawyer.
     
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  4. Fritzcoop

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    Yes it's my income
    She has income too. And you are so right about not telling her my address . She is and always has been very controlling.
     
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  5. BiGemini87

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    Glad to hear you have a plan moving forward. I don't recall, but do you have children, as well? If you're hoping to conceal your living arrangements from your wife, I assume you mean temporarily? With kids in the picture, I imagine it would be difficult to keep it secret, especially if you're looking at shared custody.

    Of course, if you don't have children, I guess that won't be an issue. ^^;

    In either event, it sounds like it's been a rough time all around. I can see some of where your wife is coming from (if my husband came out gay after our 15+ years together, I'd be devastated), but at the same time, I definitely don't blame you or condone her actions/attitude.

    I hope once you move out, things will get easier for everyone involved.
     
  6. zuice

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    Here's a thought. If you have to conceal where you are moving to, she may have narcissist personality disorder (NPD). Someone with NPD
    is intent on disrupting the goals of others and witnessing failure of others to succeed. There are great videos on this condition on YT.

    The must important thing to remember: at any moment be kind to oneself.

    EC is a great site for encouragement. When I am down, I am comforted by the supportive comments left by others.