So I'm an 18 year old girl and I think I may have a crush on another girl. Now, the reason I say I'm straight is because I'm attracted to guys and imagine myself being with one in the future, of course I can acknowledge if a girl is good looking but that's as far as I ever think about girls, it's different with guys. Now the first time I saw this girl, I didn't really think anything, actually that's a lie I did think she was kind of intimidating based on her appearance but that was pretty much it. The next time I saw her, she was with another girl and I could tell they were dating, which pretty much cemented the fact that she was gay but I pretty much figured as much (I know you shouldn't stereotype but woops). I've literally only spoken to this girl maybe two? three?? times but she just seems really nice and sweet. She's also really really cute, at least in my eyes she is. Whenever I make eye contact with her I get so nervous, sometimes if I find her looking at me because I'm talking to someone I feel like burying my head in my arms that's how nervous I get. Wow that's kinda embarrassing to admit out loud, yikes. I also think about her a lot. I don't know what to do. I know I shouldn't do anything. I don't even know what I expected from typing all of this. Maybe advice on how to stop feelings ? lol. Thanks if you've read all of this I know it's a tad lengthy.
Ultimately, you have to judge for yourself who you are attracted to or not because it's your experience and your feelings. Yeah, it is embarrassing to admit it out loud even on a message forum. I still find embarrassing things to say. You are in good company Since you're not sure what you're wanting, I'll give my perspective. You sound like you have a crush on this girl, as you said yourself It sounds like to me the early stages of attraction. I would say if you wanted to explore those feelings (and you don't have to) you might find you are bisexual. You might find you like men mostly, but could date a women if the right one OR you might find you are straight OR something else entirely. That's for you to figure out. I completely understand wanting feelings to stop. At times in my life I've been very successful at this. Ironically, accepting our feelings is one of the best way to be in control of them. We can't stop them, but they become an ally rather than an enemy. I'm not saying to pursue this girl. It's just important to be honest with and accept ourselves. When we are dishonest with ourselves, we bottle up our emotions and they either explode on us and we do stupid things because of that or those feelings seep out in ways we aren't proud about that hurt or confuse those we love. Feelings don't stop and deeply impact how we act. When we face our feelings, we can make smarter choices on what we want to do or not do. Moreover, when we reject our feelings we are telling ourselves somehow we are innately wrong, bad, or inappropriate. That weighs us down in so many ways. It takes a lot of energy to lock feelings away too. Numbing emotions, if you ever go down that path, normally numbs both the good and the bad. Like I said, I've been very successful at times with stopping emotions. It doesn't really work and I wasn't happier for it. So, honest to goodness, the best thing is to just accept how you are feeling and make a choice on how you want to proceed. If this girl is taken atm, you may just need to accept she's not available. Go spend time with others and pursue relationships elsewhere.
Thank you for this I really appreciate it, this was solid advice. Unfortunately, I'm the kinda person that when I develop a crush on someone I just think only about that person and I don't care/think about anyone else. The same thing has happened to my past crushes on guys. Well, I've moved on from them so this won't be any different I guess aha. Thanks again!
Girl, I feel you on this one! I am the same way! It's not easy, but eventually you can move on. Just don't shut down or lock away your feelings. Be true to yourself
Hey I'm just going to chime in with some thoughts. Cinnamon bunny has given some great advice so I'm more adding than saying anything new. I think the main point is acceptance and allowing yourself to be attracted to her, to crush on her etc and making sure you feel ok with that. If she is taken regardless of your feelings it is highly likely that nothing will happen even if you had wanted it too. It may be that she is the only girl you ever crush on and you can just chalk it up to her being your exception but if there is one that can grab your attention I'd be surprised if there weren't no more. Don't worry I'm not saying you won't still crush on guys but just that society and life leads us all to assume we are straight before anything else and it can be easy to over look or brush off same sex attraction because of society and because we see ourselves as straight. You only have to read a couple of threads in the later in life section to find people who maybe had a hint in their teens but brushed it off or repressed it or didn't notice only to find out in their 30's etc that it was then bursting out of every seem. I'm not trying to scared you or tell you that you are turning gay more that the fact you are investigating it and talking about it here is a great thing.
Hey, thank you for giving your point of view on this! I've been thinking and I'm probably not as straight as I think I am and am most probably bi/pan? I just remembered when I was a kid, like really young, I had this intense fear that I was gay. I even wrote in my diary "I wish I wasn't gay" and even started balling my eyes out at my mum because I thought for sure I was gay! I cringe now thinking about it haha. I also have a very vague memory of me fooling around with a girl when I was really young. I guess I just chalked it up to me being young and not really knowing what I was doing? I feel like I may have a bit of internalised homophobia as well, like just a smidgen. I'm sooo 100% supportive of the whole LGBTQ+ but when I think of myself coming out to my family I feel ashamed? I know that sounds horrible but I'm just being honest. :/ This may have also stemmed from some of my family members (my parents and sibling are open-minded tho) saying some derogatory things about the LGBTQ community, like lesbians are scary for example. Even if I was 100% in my sexuality I probably won't ever tell them, I wouldn't be able to do it. I'd probably just eventually tell my mum and tell her to keep it a secret. Sorry for this lengthy rant and thanks again for your comments ^^
No I doesn't sound awful at all. I have a simialar story in that I always though I was straight although I was never that interested in guys. I always put that down to being shy or quiet or whatever and at the time I thought there were guys I liked. That was until I was in my mid 20's and then I questioned my sexuality, I ended up here, confused, embarrassed etc and despite the fact I come from an open liberal accepting family with a gay uncle, I still had some internalised homophobia. As you say I had absolutely no problem with anyone else being gay but me. So it's a really common thing. I think you have to go through the process one step at a time, work it out a little bit at a time and don't worry about coming out to extended family until you want to.
Ahh it makes me feel better to know that it's a common thing! I'm definitely gonna take your advice and take it one step at a time, there's no rush I guess, and then eventually let my mum know because we're really close and it'd feel weird if she didn't know. In terms of my extended family, well, to me it's fine if they don't. Thank you for your help ^^
No worries anytime. There is never a right or wrong time to come out you will know when it is right to tell who. It's your journey
Hi there! Guess what? I'm in a very similar situation to you. Honestly, a lot of the advice I got was to see if you could imagine yourself cuddling with a boy, how about with a girl? What about kissing or going on a date etc? This helped me a lot but also in my opinion, I kind of thought I was, then I asked and people sort of told me I sounded bi and that I should try imagining stuff together. I really think I just needed that push. In the end though, it's your journey and you have to decide what you are feeling. Although to be honest, we all are at least a little gay, just some of us are more.
Hey, it's cool to see you're in the same situation as me aha. I've always imagined myself cuddling and being intimate with guys but I can definitely imagine cuddling this girl. I may or may not think about it from time to time <.< >.> I definitely hear ya on the whole "everyone is a little gay" thing haha. I'm just going to accept these feelings and not feel bad for having them and just wait for it to dissipate. Thanks for your comment ^^
Hey, glad you're feeling more accepting of yourself I also dealt with internalized homophobia. It is really common. Nothing to feel ashamed about! A lot of us in time find little hints here and there in our past about our sexuality. ...... did you read my journal
Hi @Ohsnapits! I am one of the ones in the later in life group who is now kicking myself that I didn't let myself explore things further when I first started getting a few crushes on girls when I was 18. I brushed them off as flukes or random, and never really explored the question of if I was bisexual or gay. I was never boy crazy but identified as straight because I just saw it as default. I didn't get my first real intense crush until my first year in college. I agree with others that you need to acknowledge this, and stay open to the fact that you likely have the ability to be attracted to women. It sounds like you definitely can be attracted to men, so you may just be somewhere on the spectrum For me, 11 years later I am separated from my husband because I came to terms this year that I am gay. While you are single and young, just stay open and see where that takes you!
Hey! Thanks for your comment I really appreciate it ^^ I'm definitely going to take your advice on board and allow myself to be open and free with my feelings, I feel a lot better about it now. The girl I'm crushing on is unfortunately taken so theres nothing I can do there sadly but I will definitely continue to be open if I were to get another crush on a girl in the future!
hmm.. i can't really understand if you just got excited by the thought you might be something else than straight especially when you saw her with the other girl or if you're actually attracted to her... these things are so complicated most of the times.. just be open to your feelings and time will show..
Hey thanks for your comment! Actually the thought of me not being straight isn't really something that excites me lol, if anything, first coming to terms with what my sexuality could be, I felt a lot of guilt and shame, especially as a kid, even though I'm feeling a lot better about it now. You do have a point about me seeing her with her girlfriend but I also think regardless of whether I saw her with a girlfriend or not I most probably would still be attracted to her. Also, actually thinking about it now, I wonder if I would be this attracted to her if she were actually straight? Just something I think about. Anyway, like you said I will just be open to my feelings and the rest will follow. I'm also sorry to see that you're feeling crappy and hope you overcome what is making you feel that way!
