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I have a crush on a friend but want to stay friends...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by GhostOfRazgriz, Dec 27, 2013.

  1. GhostOfRazgriz

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    Hi, everyone. I'm guessing my problem is a little more common than I first thought, so I decided this was the best place to ask for advice. I would appreciate it if anyone took to time to read this, and would greatly appreciate any response.

    I have this friend who I made this year. She's the sister of my sister's boyfriend. We know each other because of after school activities, and we've gotten really close recently. She said I'm like a sister to her (she knows I'm transgender). She's so beautiful, smart, and kind. It's like she's able to be the most amazing person on the face of the planet without even trying. She always cares about me, and always has time to listen. I'm falling in love with her, really hard. I've had dreams about her for several days now. She can tell something is up, and asked me about it tonight. I told her that I've been having weird dreams lately, and that it's nothing to worry about.

    I want to tell her how I feel, but I don't want to ruin this friendship. It's one of the best things I've ever had, and I want it to last a lifetime. I'm almost certain she doesn't feel the same way, and even if she did, she wouldn't be interested in a relationship right now, she wants to focus most of her time into her class work and after school activities. I don't want my feelings to create strain on our friendship, but I fear that it already has started to.

    Should I tell her how I feel, or should I wait for to stop trying to find out what's wrong?

    Thank you in advance!
     
  2. BookDragon

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    You have one thing working in your favour here. You actually WANT to stay friends with this girl.

    One of the weird things about crushing on people is that your brain feeds on the secrecy. If they don't know, your mind can run wild with it. Sometimes it dies down, sometimes it doesn't. But it always gets more intense the longer you keep it in.

    I can totally relate, I had a MASSIVE crush on a girl who I've now been friends with for 10 years. I had a crush on her for YEARS before I eventually told her. She then shot me down and then started dating my best friend and they've now been going out for 6 years.

    It. Was. Shit.

    Having said that, I now realise it was the best possible outcome because holy FUCK it would not have worked out. Like, at ALL. We've also been closer as friends since then.

    If you tell her you think you have a bit of a crush on her because of all the things you said in your post what...she might be a bit weirded out, but come on, she's your friend. The chances are she'll say "I don't think of you that way" and you'll just say "Yeah, I know, it's fine". It isn't fine, it sucks. It WILL be fine, after a while.

    Personally, I'm of the opinion that the greater strain comes from you hiding these feelings that tend to grow. I mean nothing is going to screw a friendship like realising you can't even hug one of your best friends without knowing you never want to let go. More importantly, there are few things more difficult than killing a crush in secret. Perhaps it's because your brain likes to tell you that not knowing is better than being rejected, I don't know.

    But that's just me.
     
  3. GhostOfRazgriz

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    Thank you for your response. Sorry I didn't respond more quickly, I just woke up. I'm sorry that you went through all that, it must have seemed like hell. In the end, you completely convinced me that it's best to let her know. I can't keep this in.

    Last time I had a crush on somebody, it was also a close friend, and it took me three years to tell her. Before, I was scared that telling her is what hurt our friendship, but I think what really injured it so much was that I kept it in. Also, that made it hurt so much more when I found out she didn't feel the same.

    I'm going to tell her today, but I'm also going to say that I'm not ready for a relationship, and I still want to be friends. And those statements are 100% true.

    Thank you for replying again! :slight_smile:
     
  4. BookDragon

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    No worries, I hope it goes OK :slight_smile: