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i hate the way i am..

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by jenne, Mar 13, 2018.

  1. jenne

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    i was born a girl but i just look like what we call "tomboy" but i think i'm something in the middle.. i don't feel like a girl or a boy either.. but i wish i was just born a girl who feels like a girl or born a boy who feels like one!!
    i definitely know who i am now but i'm not happy with it because people just see me as a confused person or like someone who needs therapy!! jesus.. that has caused my social anxiety to get even worse..
    i guess i should just accept who i am but it's really difficult when all i do is to give explanations to almost everyone i know.. explaining why i dress like that and why i don't act like a girly girl.. or why i don't have a boyfriend.. my social life is a nightmare
    does anyone feel the same way?
     
    #1 jenne, Mar 13, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2018
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  2. Harjus

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    Yes, sounds really familiar. Luckily I am starting to get so old that people shut up when they realize how old I am. Aging helps. People sometimes start thinking you know what you are doing. I look very young though so sometimes they don't realize that I am even an adult. That's when I hear most of the sh*t. Some people really like verbally tearing others to little pieces. Looking gender nonconforming (and young) gives them an opening. Whatever you do, don't go changing yourself for those people! They don't deserve it. I did that mistake when I was younger and it didn't end well.

    I hate being the way I am too. I like being a man but hate being trans. People can be really nasty. Still I often hear things about the way I look although don't usually notice I am trans anymore. I really understand the angry short man syndrome now.

    When it feels like it's too much I just spend some time alone. It helps. After that I can handle it again without even thinking of flipping tables or destroying the world. Try to find your own way to recharge yourself. Give yourself mini vacations or something like that. People will always critisize others for everything. It's actually kind of funny sometimes.

    Also, start practising assertiveness. You don't have to be aggressive but you can take your space. If you don't want to answer to some stupid questions you don't need to. "This is the way I am and that's all." Then just keep changin the subject. Google "how to be more assertive". Learning assertiveness has really helped me with my anxiety.
     
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  3. emerry

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    Why are you unhappy? A lot of people are this way and I can assure you we all live lives just like everyone else. Is it you disliking that younare gender non conforming or is it because of others that you are upset? People see you as confused? Which people? Which person who stereotypes people by things such as sex or ethnicity in a dead serious way is worth caring about? It's a really superficial way of looking at people. You don't owe them the explanations. Any explanation. You can just roll your eyes as if the question asked was really dumb (it probably is...) or mock them or anwser with a joke (I do). Why you dress like that? Because you like that? Isn't it enough of a reason? How on earth not? Like... it is the only good reason to wear something, after all. Same goes for behaviour. You have the same right to being yourself as everyone else.

    It's just... the wrong kond of people you're hangingnout with... I don't know... you should definitely try befriending some more liberal people...

    May the force be with you, fellow gender non conformer.
     
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  4. jenne

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    at the beginning when i found my true self i was happy but then other peoples reactions made me so self concious and unhappy and wishing i was just "normal" .. or what they consider normal..
     
  5. Richard321

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    I think therapy can help us sometimes - not because those judgemental others are right in their thinking of us needing therapy - but because we need help in order to be able to live around judgemental people.
     
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  6. emerry

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    Hugs if that it is not awkward.

    It's them being wrong, not you. You need to find a crowd you fit in with, seriously. I find that with people who have the same interests as me, such as science or art... I hope you could find something like this too :/
     
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  7. gravechild

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    Boys and girls come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Some folk are "lucky" and able to do what society expects of them without much trouble, while others stand out like a sore thumb. I personally love tomboys, butches, etc. but even I feel judged for shunning the girly girls. Like, "What is wrong with you?" or "That's weird".

    There are a lot of women who feel just like you in the queer and feminist communities. Some might not even identify as women, either, but not necessarily trans (they do acknowledge differences between chromosomes and upbringing, though). I'm sure they would agree that you don't owe anyone an explanation, either.