I hate that I'm transgender. Why could I have just been born with a boys body? Sometimes I forget how much the world hates people like me until I go online. On every transgender-related video I've seen there's always a bunch of people who are saying that its wrong and that wee all going to hell and no one could ever possibly love someone like that. They also say that were not "real". I find myself on this forum often telling others over and over again that they are real and that there's nothing wrong with them, yet I cant do the same for myself. I've been suicidal since coming to terms with my gender identity. No woman will ever love me because I don't have the right "equipment" down below. No man will ever love me because I won't have the right equipment. As much as I'm against conversion therapy, I have to say that Its something I've thought about. I don't want anyone else to get hurt by it, but if it fixes me than maybe Ill be happier. every time I take a shower I burst into tears because My body does not match who I am. I want to die. I wish I could just not exist anymore. I'm seeing people but the last clinic I went to they misgendered me and used my dead name multiple times after being told I was transgender and identified as male. The only person who I'm able to have a real conversation with is my art teacher and I cant see him because of the fact that its summer time. As weird as it sounds I miss school. The school was my safe place and now I don't even have that. I made a promise to my art teacher that I would be here next year. I think right now that's the only thing keeping me here. That and my painting. What if there is something seriously wrong with me? What if I'm never content with my body? I don't want being trans to consume my life. but I know if I start hormones It will. I'm 14 years old I should be playing outside with my friends (not that I have any) not stressing about my body and the fact that no one will ever love me or want to have sex with me.