Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by RJay, Sep 13, 2017.
L sounds awesome!! I think she is so right and great for you during this time. Get out there, @RJay!
Ditto what Searching1 said. No drama and a lot of encouragement coming from L!
I feel like we couldn't have planted a better friend for RJay around the corner if we tried.
Totally agree with this. Totally laughing my butt off reading it.
I was afraid this would happen to you, RJay. Please don't feel bad or think it's your fault. Many of us may be a grown or semi-grown person, but us late-in-lifers are all the same in that we become freshly reborn baby gays, just out in the world, looking at everything with big, fresh, gay eyes.
I think you should definitely get into a queer crew so they can help you navigate this. The gays are so great with whipping you into shape about falling for straight women, manipulative, attention seeking straight women...any kind of woman, really. Even the first big heartbreak women.
Now that I am post limbo relationship, I've had to relearn what I thought all along: relationships aren't hard to understand. Real, mutual attraction is natural and unquestionable. If you are in a relationship that you're questioning, the answer to your question is usually the one you don't want. If you're wondering if someone loves or likes you the way you love or like them, most likely, they don't. It's a tough thing to grapple with, but when people like each other, they like each other. Even if they just divorced a husband. Even if they're confused about their sexuality. Even if they're scared. No one is usually ever scared enough to not make their feelings apparent. And if they are, they're not ready to face them, so you need to move on anyway.
I have been tossing this thought around my head RE: V as well. I think the exhibits you offer are compelling. It I may also add to Exhibit C: there was the no prob for V with allowing RJay to wipe tears away AND kiss her face. This is mind boggling to me that there was there was NO reaction. ( and right, regardless of what team she is playing on,)
And right on-God Bless L. Somehow I swear she came into her life RIGHT at the right time! She is one rockin' chick!
My sentiments exactly!
Reminds you of your/my situation, doesn't it?
I find that I have also had to relearn how to navigate attraction and relationships.
So, I made a big step today. I've decided to be A LOT more open with V about the gay thing. I think I have really fed the nonsense between us by being very quiet about it. Like, she knows I'm gay, but I never talk about it, so she never talks about it, so it goes unspoken of for very long periods, and in the meantime all this tension builds up. Super not good.
So, today I texted her: "So... I joined a super secret online support group for women over 35 leaving straight marriages and switching teams. And get this... there are 900 members! It's an epidemic, haha. I'm in a bit of shock. "
To which she replied: "That's so great that you found that group and joined! Very proactive! Good for you!"
So, I think she might actually be supportive of me going out and dating, etc., if I give her the opportunity to be. I was just so crushed out on her, that I couldn't bring myself to talk about it. Much better if everything is out in the open, and I give her more of a chance to be a good supportive friend. And if she doesn't rise to the occasion, well then that says a lot as well.
So, next I'll tell her that I went out with these ladies tonight. And then I'll tell her I'm going to start dating. And we will just see how she responds. My bet is she will be relieved as hell!!! And our friendship will settle into something more light and normal.
Yay! That sounds great! Does she tell you about her love life? If so, it totally makes sense for you to do so as well
Yay you! So that was easy!
It's amazing how everything is magnified when the feelings are there.. when in fact it is so simple.
Nope. She has no love life. She is "taking a break from men". LOL!!!
hahah well, aren't we all
That's awesome. Really good strategy.
I agree with @OED27x, this is a really good plan. This takes the pressure off of you to pour out your soul to her and it gives her a better opportunity to step up and be a supportive friend. Allow the friendship to grow in a way that hasn't really been possible to this point and face the insecurities both of you may have as they arise.
Also, have a great time tonight and don't keep us waiting too long with a full detailed report!
Yay you, totally! I like your plan RJay. I think your friendship with V will enter a more peaceful state this way. Good job.
Yes me too, mine I see life long
I love it, @RJay! No terribly awkward conversations and it's just natural. If at some point she happens to be jealous or hurt, then you will see that or she will bring it up. The chances are she really is happy for you to see you taking that next step in meeting women. Good job!
I can't believe we haven't had an update in a whole week!!
I think someone else is going to have join in whilst RJay is actually going on proper dates.
YAY YOU INDEEEEED!!! Im super happy for you it took guts to finally reach this stage, i really hope you have reached a closure after all of this confusion and mixed signals.
You deserve to be happy