I'm 31 years old. Everyone assumes I'm a lesbian already but I deny everytime. Im not a very sociable person and unfortunately will always be single due to not putting myself out there.... I got drunk this weekend and told my best friends I'm gay! Now things are awkward between us, she is a very likeable person and I'm the opposite to her quiet and awkward...she hasn't mentioned since and I feel uncomfortable around her. We had a great friendship and I feel like she thinks I like her that way. Which just isnt the case! I generally want to pack my things up and move somewhere else where no one knows me.
Congratulations on coming out, but I’m sorry that it hasn’t gone the way you intended. Could you meet up with her for a chat and clear the air? Just explain that you feel things have felt different between you since you came out, that you value her as friend and that you don’t want coming out to impact your friendship (because there’s no reason it should). How does that sound? And, welcome to EC!
T I guess I'm not ready to come out as my personal life will not change so there is no benefit from her or anyone knowing. Just wish I hadn't said it. I'm just going to wait and see what happens. We are going to be alone after work tonight I will see if she mentions it and then hopefully explain that that I hope things dont change between us. Maybe I'm over thinking it. Guess only time will tell?
Who you tell is entirely up to you. I hope you’ll be able to clear the air tonight. Can you explain a little more about why you don’t feel ready to come out?
It wont change anything because I'm quite awkward person and wont put myself out there at all and nobody would want to date me anyway (this is not a pity thing). And this is going to sound really silly but the main reason I wont do it because people I know will say I knew it either to my face or behind my back.
Wow! Are you me? So I did the exact same. Was just one friend, she was really ok about it- not too many questions, no judging, etc. Even told me I should go on a date! We’ve never discussed it sober and she’s never brought it up. When I’ve seen her things have just been normal. Don’t feel awkward around your friends. Chances are if they were drunk, they may not remember or might see it as ‘drunk talk’ (like my work colleague telling the boss how sexy he was at the Christmas do when drunk! ). They’re probably seeing it as that or may just be waiting for you to bring it up. Not everyone wants people to tell their friends what they said while drunk so that’s probably why. If you want to discuss it with them do, if not then don’t until you’re ready. If they’re good friends they’ll probably just not say anything until you do.
That doesn’t sound silly, @Plain89. Nobody here can guarantee that won’t happen, but if it does then try to remember that it’s more about them than you and it’s not reflection on you. They are putting their need to share that they were right, over your need to be understood and listened to. It will also be over fairly quickly and then you can live openly as the true you. Are you interested in having a relationship? Putting everything you have said to one side for a moment, is that something that you want for yourself?
Of course everybody does want a relationship in some way, but I know it is down to me to decide what life I want. I just wanted to share as It was just very scary being in that position and I felt vulnerable and alone. I already feel better that I was able to write it down as its something I have dealt with on my own for a very long time now. And I appreciate the advice and time you have given as it is nice to say what is actually on my mind for a change.
You’re not alone. There are quite a few people on EC who have come out in their 30s or even later. If you take a look at the Later in Life sub forum, you will see that it’s not that uncommon. I’m glad that you feel better. You’re welcome to post and share you feelings on EC as much as you like. It can really help.
You’re welcome. I didn’t question my sexuality until I was 27/28 years old, so if you have any questions, I’m happy to help.
We have spent some time together tonight at work with another close friend of ours.it was strange because they were both like anything you gotta share, come on just say it, it was at that point I knew I wasnt ready and just wanted to run away and cry but like I said I was drunk and probably owned up to all the stupid things I have done and they might have been talking about something else lol. it will be just us 2 later and if it comes m gonna have to speak about it just so she knows I'm not ready.
I’m sorry that they were putting pressure on you to come out. That’s not good. It’s ok to not be ready. Everyone gets there in their own time. Hopefully you can let your friend know that you’re not ready.
