I got back in the closet...

I totally understand where this is coming from. What I do, is I observe people I consider coming out to then, if they seem accepting, I tell them. I encourage you to do this with close friends and people you trust, who will help you with others.
However, if it isn't safe to come out to some people, DON'T. People do crazy things, and I don't want anyone getting hurt. Be careful, stay strong, and be positive. I'm always here to talk. <3

 

I'm sorry that you're going through this. I hate how family members can use our own emotions as weapons against us. It's incredibly manipulative. Humans can be awful sometimes.

 

I know how you feel, though I've never been in any relationship[a story for later]. When I was younger, about 10, I started noticing that I thought that boys were "cuter" than girls. Of course I never told anyone because I knew that being gay would just get me bullied further. I was surprisingly educated for a 10 year old. Later that year I'm hanging out at a cousins place, super catholic and the subject of love comes up and swings around to gays eventually. My aunt straight out declares gays should and will burn in hell. I shoot back "Shouldn't love jut be love, no matter what?" The look of disgust and malice on that woman's face almost made me completely convince myself I was straight as a nail. I felt like I shouldn't be gay because if anyone found out they would react like my aunt or disown me. I didn't and still don't like disapproval of yours truly. It took me a good three years to build up the nerve to tell even my closest friend that I thought I was gay. Boy howdy am I glad I chose the right one. Long story short my closest friends and family now know and support my little gay/bi/pan/whatever the hell I really am[puberty is hard, okay?]. I am constantly harassed at school because at times I'm quite...flamboyant, the term "faggot" is dropped more often than "the" around me. I say, you should find a community of friends who you can talk to, to confide in and who can support you, that seems to be the answer to everything nowadays. Sorry for the long-winded answer.

 

I can see where your coming from. I’m still in the closet at school, but two of my friends started dating each other, and they started getting harassed. They got called fags and freaks and people always gave them the side eye. They broke up and started dating girls ( they were both bi ) and now nobody even notices them

 

Possibly try and tell people you trust not to say anything. If you want to keep dating your boyfriend you could ask him if he would be down for keeping it low-key.

 

-> . However, I have to give you all the bad news that things have not been going too great for me ever since I came out, so I just got back in the closet...

Welcome to planet earth. I can tell you that yours is the same experience I have had, and that I also went back into the closet, partly to survive, and partly to just move on with my life. My sex life took a hit, but my sanity did much better.

-> I used to be very open about my sexuality. I had a bf last year and I posted about our relationship on my Snapchat story. I ended up getting A LOT of attention at school. Girls were asking me a bunch of stupid questions about my relationship and guys either made fun of me or just acted extremely uncomfortable around me.

I lost two jobs because they didn't want me around them. I'm not a total idiot, I can learn. Back in the closet, and wham - hired to a corporate job for over 20 years.

-> Also, I have extended relatives who HATE gay people,

My experience is this - most people "HATE" gays, feel that they are "defective", "perverted" etc. This same group will pretend to be accepting, but deep down inside, it's just plain old hate. Those who pretend to accept gays cannot be trusted. I'm not trying to scare you - this is what I have seen in my world.

You and I are past all that and just want to live our lives happily. I got news for you, the rest of the world will go out of their way to make life impossible for you.

I've made another interesting observation - someone can be totally "out", then claim it was only a phase, and those same haters will totally accept you back as long as you pretend to be straight. They don't even care if you are still gay, as long as you are "trying" to be straight. A scene from a movie (Blazing Saddles, Mel Brooks) comes to mind where the black sheriff and his prisoner are talking about how stupid the local townspeople are, and end up calling them "morons".

-> My younger brother is also a big homophobe.

I haven't spoken to my brothers in over 40 years. Their loss, not mine. I don't need bigots in my life.

-> I feel like my mother is sad about my bisexuality

Mine too. She tried to understand, but never really got it. She caught me one morning with my BF in bed (still living at home at that point). We weren't actively doing anything, just two guys in a king bed. It shocked her, but she took it in stride. A funny thing happened after that, that I just have to share (it's too funny not to share). Mom was a school teacher. She had a student that she was wondering if he was gay or not, so she decided to invite him over to our house for dinner so I could meet him. Nice guy, close to my age. We hit it off immediately. I ended up driving him back to his home after dinner, and spending the night with him at his home. The next morning at breakfast, I'm telling my mom, "Yep, he's gay." You should have seen the expression on her face when she realized what she had done. It was hilarious. Sadly, that never happened again. I think she thought I was some kind of carnivore or sex animal or something bad. She didn't want to support me being gay, but she loved me enough to tolerate it.

It sounds like your family is never going to get there where they can accept and support you being you. Their loss. You will move out of the house and drop them as friends. One of the best things I ever did was move out and start my life on my terms.

-> After mom left, I got really upset. I just wanted to die right on the spot. It was that point where I truly started to hate my sexuality.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but your reaction was wrong. Your mom is being a bigot - you are the one who is normal. Feel good about yourself, and learn to accept that you mom may never "get it". I accept that almost everybody in my life wants me to be straight. I can deal with that this way - they just can't deal with gay people, so I compensate for their lack of understanding by pretending for their benefit. It makes life so much simpler for both. There is good news in the future for us both - as you go through life pretending to be straight, eventually you will have established yourself well enough that you can explore your sexuality without losing everything. Certainly not while living at home.

-> I feel like such a douchebag for the way I broke up with my bf (I actually really liked him )

The only way I see this working is for both of you to put on a fake front for everybody else's benefit. One of you would have to have an apartment, cause it won't work if you both live at home.

I want to point out that you are pretty well aware of how things are around you. I find straight people to be the stupidest bunch of morons. I've never met one who truly accepted somebody being gay. You have the right idea about masking your life for their benefit (and your ultimate acceptance). Try to forgive straights for their lack of understanding. They are doing the best they can with limited brains. Morons. Your life will get much better when you move out. Sadly, you've picked up on how things are around you.

 

I hope you can find a group of people who genuinely accept you in the not too distant future.

 

Damage control. We all do that to some extent, at lest for a while. Whether it's pronounced or not, we are different levels of open at work, home, school, dad and mom's house... The important thing is to compromise your needs with the needs of your partner. He should be understanding of your need to keep things incognito for the time being, and you need to be compassionate about where he's at with that as well. It is definitely a do-able situation. I agree with @fadedstar, I hope you are able to find security socially sooner than later. Bi is kind of hard to be socially, so no worries taking some time to reveal that to those around you.

 

-> I'm only 15,

I have to compliment you on this - I did not figure it out until my 20's. You are way ahead of the curve.

-> I'm going to have an apartment with my future bf and when one of my relatives visit,
-> I'll have him leave for a little while and he'll come back when they're gone.

I'd like to suggest you not do this. Your apartment, your rules. Family does not get to tell you how to live your life forever. They will need to come to grips with who you are. Sending your BF away masks this. Your family will either get a grip or go away. That brings honesty into your life.

 

If this makes sense I have been in the closet with my parents for almost a year except my dad he doesn't believe so i'm back in for a while. I think you should wait until your comfortable to tell them again. Who cares what people say at school people need to get over the fact that not all people are straight.