GUYS!!!!!!! I finally asked the woman I like out for coffee and now I feel like my insides are going to fall out of me I messaged her on Facebook so I haven’t heard back yet but I am a nervous fucking wreck. I may puke. this is huge deal because I have to see her almost everyday so I’m really scared. Wish me luck!!!! And hope I don’t die from stress tonight!!!!
yesss you did itttt!! congrats this is a massive thing im super proud and you are very inspiring ) send some of your courage my way!!
So….to report back. Im alive she did reply and being the overthinker that I am, I have went back and forth on what her response could have meant. The message was About one of my kids and she just said she was glad things were going better and that grabbing coffee would be fun but she was going to be out of town this weekend. So said maybe another time. Now I’m sitting here wondering, did she just say that to be polite and turn me down? What if she’s not going out town? And what if I just completely exposed myself for liking her and potentially being lesbian. Is it gay to another woman to coffee???? I don’t know!!!! I did see her this morning and she didn’t act any different but I was so scared out of my mind I just avoided her. I know I make no sense. Like she walked up to the car door to help my son out and I think she was saying hi to me or smiling and I could not bring myself to look at her. I’m just starting second guess things like maybe I fucked up.
Are you sure that the language you used indicated that you had a slight crush/feelings for her or that it was a date and not just hanging out as pals outside of what you normally do together? If you just asked if she'd like to get coffee with you, that could be ambiguous and it would make sense for the other person to assume it's not a date if there's nothing to suggest that it's anything more than friends catching up for coffee.
Great! You did it. My advice is don’t overthink things too much. I know I did that a lot back back then. It never did me any good. Maybe still do it on some occasions with friends and colleagues from work. The main thing is that you tried and even if didn’t work out. It’s still a win. Don’t beat yourself about it. If she is interested it will happen. If not well. There will be others. Don’t let it get to you so much.
Hey! Congrats! Take a breath. You have no actual evidence to suggest she was being anything other than honest in her reply. It’ll be fine. :} I’m sorry but it’s not inherently gay to ask a woman to coffee. Haha. You haven’t fucked up but try not to act weird, ok? :] This is all perfectly normal. Maybe when she gets back, message her and say you’ve been craving some fancy iced drink from wherever (or whatever treat you like) and ask if she wants to join you on X day around Y time. I personally think specifics help get a concrete yes or no. If it’s a no, you can ask for a better day/time. From there you’ll get a much better idea of what she’s feeling about all this. But I’m sure it’ll be fine. You’ve got this!
hey!! i know that overthinking phase all too well!! you did nothing wrong and its actually amazing what you did… what normally helps me in this situations to feel like ive regained some control is to actually let the other person pick things up.. what i mean is, think about if the roles were reversed… if she had ask you for coffee and you were actually away/ couldnt make it, you would say you were away but you would probably either suggest another time in that moment (ot when you are back) for an alternative time to meet up. I would also like to say something that aomeone once said to me here when i was spiraling that actually helped me loads: give her some space and you might be surprised what develops! i think this gives you back your power and also gives you confidence in yourself if she shows interet
Thank you so much for your advice!!! I am somewhat relieved now because a family member of hers tagged in a pic on Facebook and they really are out of town, so now I know she wasn’t lying to me I think my heart just about exploded out of chest if excitement ❤️
Congrats, @Laine7008! Whether you end up going out for coffee with her or not, it's a huge step to put yourself out there--even if it's just a friendly coffee get-together. Chances are she didn't interpret it as anything more than friendliness on your part, which I think is beneficial; it'll allow you to get to know her on a more personal level, rather than simply being faculty at your kid's school. I completely get where you're coming from, though--I too am a notorious over-thinker, and it can be an absolute emotional rollercoaster ride. (Think Rapunzel's wildly swinging feelings when she left her tower in Tangled). The next time you see her, perhaps broach the subject again, see how she reacts. I know it can be positively nerve-wracking, but the only way to know if something will work or not is to do it.
