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I feel stupid about getting upset

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by jenben, Feb 18, 2015.

  1. jenben

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    My granny gets regular massages and she's been saying to me how I should have one, because it's really good and relaxing. I said okay, since I figured it might be nice. So she arranged an appointment for me for her massage lady to come to the house, which is tomorrow. She was telling me some things about the appointment, just now, and mentioned that I should just wear some knickers.

    I started mentally freaking out. I don't wear knickers any more, I've been wearing men's underwear for months now, without anyone knowing. I started panicking, thinking what should I do? Could I get away with wearing men's or would the massage lady notice? I still have my old knickers tucked away in a drawer though, so should I just get out a pair of them and wear them just this once? But then looking at them I just felt like crying.

    I've decided I should probably just wear the knickers, it's only underwear for crying out loud and it's only for the appointment, but I still feel weird about it.

    I feel stupid for panicking and getting upset, over this one little thing. It's just bits of clothing, it's not like it really matters in the grand scheme of things. But I guess it's not the only thing, I've been getting upset over lots of little things, that I swear I never used to notice or care about.

    And I feel bad as well, like I'm hiding so much. Especially when my family asks me if I'm okay and they know something's up with me, but I can't say anything because I'm only just questioning this and I still have no idea for sure what it is that I feel or even if I'm just blowing everything up out of proportion...I guess I'm just freaking out a lot in general at the moment.

    Ugh, I'm sorry. I just needed to vent.
     
  2. LexSeir

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    It's not stupid to get upset over wearing something that makes you uncomfortable, it's really a natural reaction to worrying over how others might see you. You should do and wear what makes you feel comfortable, and if someone doesn't like that or thinks that it's "wrong" in a sense... they're the one's who're wrong. I suggest that you wear your usual underwear to the appointment- if the woman who will be giving you the massage has enough experience and/or a sense of politeness, then she will know better than to comment on what you're wearing to the appointment. If she works for someone, the chances are high that it is against the rules to make a patient uncomfortable and that the patient's satisfaction and comfort is the #1 priority.
    It should also be taken into account that in today's society, female persons wearing men's underwear and clothing isn't all that strange or outlandish.

    Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that it's okay to be nervous, but don't let it affect your personal comfort. You aren't obliged to make other people (a complete stranger nonetheless) comfortable at your own expense, especially when they're the ones trying to help you relax.

    I have no idea how well that turned out. Hope I helped :slight_smile:
     
  3. Harjus

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    Like LexSeir said, I think it's not that uncommon for DFAB person to wear mens underwear. Even if they are cis and straight. You could just say that it's comfortable if someone asks.
     
  4. jenben

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    You're right.

    I think there's more to it as well though. Like obviously I used to wear women's underwear all the time and I can't recall it bothering me back then. So I'm thinking why does it bother me now and not then?
     
  5. Michael

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    Hmmm, 'cause you wen't aware of the difference between wearing both, of how you felt?

    Anyways, you can try to make a compromise... Wearing black boxers for instance.

    Clothes are not just clothes. Yeah, they are not going to stop global warming, but they still do matter a lot. Have you heard clothes make people? They do : In front of a mirror, in front of others, or even when you are feeling them on your own skin.
     
  6. jenben

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    Yeah, that makes sense. I suppose I didn't really feel bothered about it before, but when I bought men's I found I actually enjoyed them. Like I'd enjoy picking out a pair in the morning, whereas before I guess it was something I was just indifferent to and I'd just grab any, since it didn't seem to matter.

    I've rarely ever taken any pleasure in clothes shopping, picking out outfits and stuff like that; for the most part it's just something I've done out of necessity. so I don't know...I guess it feels good to take some enjoyment from buying/choosing clothes, as opposed to it being little more than a chore.

    I'd never really thought about it like that before :slight_smile:
     
  7. WillowRose

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    All I know is that after I tried wearing a sports bra for one day, I haven't felt comfortable leaving home without one on. That's every day for almost a year now. What feels right, feels right.
     
  8. jenben

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    Yeah and I guess sometimes you don't really know for sure what will feel right until you've tried it. I think I need to find more things in my life that feel right.

    btw your name is beautiful. I love the name Willow.
     
  9. wasgij

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    So I guess you feel a bit unprepared? If anyone says anything (which they won't because that would be a little inappropriate for massage people to comment on your choice of clothes... but just to be 100% comfortable), easy excuse: you borrowed your boyfriend's boxers because you just ran out or did the washing.
     
  10. jenben

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    The appointment was at our house. Plus I think my granny talks to the massage lady quite a bit, she probably knows I don't have a boyfriend.
     
  11. suninthesky

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    I would wear boxers/whatever underwear you want. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

    "Why are you wearing guys' boxers?"

    "'Cause I feel like it. I'm making lunch, d'you want a sandwich?"