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I feel so lonely.

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Richie., Jul 12, 2014.

  1. Richie.

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    Up and down up and Down I feel manic..

    So scared of being alone such fucked up relations with my parents with my wife..

    Expecting so much from people and not getting the love I need from anyone.

    I don't sleep

    I don't eat

    I have a fear at the pit of my stomach that doesn't leave.

    My mind is so overwhelmed, I cry every day! I can't see the good and progress I've made.

    So there you go. I don't care anymore.

    My dad didn't come through on meeting me after he said he would.
     
    #1 Richie., Jul 12, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2014
  2. CyclingFan

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    Sorry this is happening to you. You know you're not alone, no matter how it feels right now.

    I'm right there with ya.
     
  3. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
    I had insomnia for 8+ months. Lack of sleep + all the stress can cause zombie depression. Just because your gay doesn't mean your heart is not broken over your wife. Mine was/is. Your Dad not meeting you just sucks. (Insert stream of profanity here)
    You can get thru this. 1st step:
    You need sleep. Go to your Dr. if you have too. Lack of sleep can also lead to poor decisions.
    (*hug*)
    It gets better.
     
  4. bingostring

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    Sounds like you need to give yourself some space. A break. Things can get overwhelming. Fuelled no doubt by things like your father not getting in touch.

    Can you clear some space in your head ... and in your diary ... to just detach for a bit and rest?
     
  5. Richie.

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    Like I said there is no amount of support that will make me feel loved, I feel unloveable tbh

    I appreciate the post though!

    ---------- Post added 12th Jul 2014 at 09:43 PM ----------

    thanks rose.I don't see a way out tbh I take one step forward ten steps back!!!

    I wish I could get some time out. I keep wanting to run away.
     
  6. asdfghjk

    asdfghjk Guest

    (*hug*) I'm not sure when the last time you got some good sleep is but you need to try to get a few hours in right now. The rest can be sorted through in a bit. Eat a little something even if you don't want to and lie down.
     
  7. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    Sometimes the one step forward is bigger than the 10 steps back. Been there. Your not alone. (&&&)
    Coming out is one fucked up crazy ride. It took 3 decades for me to get on it. Even with all the pain and loss it was worth it. There will be new joys and experiences too. Hold on to the little things that even give you a moment of peace or a smile. They will help you thru this!
    (*hug*)
     
  8. quietman702

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    Richie, I want so much to reach out to you and offer you comfort, but right now I'm feeling the same way. At least we're brothers in sadness... you are not alone.
     
  9. Gaysibling

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    Sorry to hear what you're going through at the moment. I hope that things take a turn for the better soon. I have had some pretty bleak times in the past....at the time it was hard to see a way forward, but eventually things improved for me. Hang on in there.
     
  10. Choirboy

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    Richie, Richie, there are definitely people who care about you a whole lot. At least 3 that I know of off the top of my head who are always willing to be there for you, even if 2 of us are on the other side of the ocean from you. Rose is right; being short on sleep really messes with your mind. We've all been there--you've certainly seem me at some low points and you've helped me through them. James and Richard and I all care a lot. We're all here for you.

    (&&&)
     
  11. BeingEarnest

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    Richie, I am saying prayers for you tonight, and hoping that you will be blessed with sleep. When I look back on the loneliest moments of my life, it was overwhelming at the time, and felt like there was no end in sight. But the end does come, and the loneliness passes, and life returns. I wish I could say when, but it does pass.
     
  12. PatrickUK

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    Richie, when you take a step back and think about everything you have been through, not just recently, but into your past (most of which only you will know) there is no wonder you will have days like this. The pain and grief you are experiencing is a normal.. yes, normal.. reaction to some really turbulent life events.

    Can I tell you to stop thinking this way? No, of course I can't. You can't turn your feelings on and off like a switch. Amongst the joy and pleasure of self acceptance and coming out there is an innate sense of pain and sadness that you are having to work through. Some days you will feel the highs, but other days you will be more reflective and introspective and feel the lows. Horrible days and it's a rollercoaster for you.

    I believe in you Richie and I think (actually, I know) you can do this. You can face this shit down! Won't happen overnight and you'll need support and encouragement, but we're with you. Lean on us.

    You have a lot to be proud of and you are doing incredibly well. Might not feel that way to you right now in the midst of all this emotion, but I'm telling you, it's true.

    (*hug*)
     
    #12 PatrickUK, Jul 13, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2014
  13. stella99

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    Thinking of you Ritchie. Ive had some great support from the guys on here, including yourself,. especially on my low days. Be strong, some days are worse than others but they wont always be thiis bad. Yes, it was true. Take comfort in the fact your EC friends think of you and wish you happier times.

    You have had the strength to accomplish so much this far, much more than I have.

    Sorry about your dad

    (*hug*)
     
  14. Calamus1960

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    Ritchie, I read the last line in your post about your Dad not meeting you. My feeling is that this is the real reason you are in such a funk. You can't control others, even the ones we love. I would tell your Dad how devastated you are, in person or a letter or social media. Tell everyone, tell your shrink, your friends, strangers in a bar, your dog, the squirrel in the park...Yes, there is pain and loneliness...but we have no one else to blame for our unhappiness! I see it this way. You can wallow in self pity, alone in your home, or you can get in the shower, get dressed and get out into the world. Then, you must forgive your Dad...then forgive yourself...You will be fine, as we all will be...It's a wonderful world!
     
  15. tulipinacup

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    I really don't know your back story but I see you are in such pain and that's ok. It's ok to be weak and vulnerable, you're only human but you also need to take a deep breath. You mentioned how people don't give you the love you need but please don't let yourself do the same thing. At least drink something and nibble a snack, rest for a while. Your body needs you more than anyone.

    It seems like your strong emotions could weigh you down so please talk to someone you are close with or to just people here online because I tell you, they do want to share those weight you are carrying on your shoulders. You're not alone.
     
  16. BiPenguin

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    Hugs to you.

    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(&&&)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
     
  17. looking for me

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    so run away, take some richie time. say fuck it for a day, a weekend, or even for an hour when you need it. and we're here for you buddy.(&&&)
     
  18. Highlander2

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    Richie I know exactly what you're going through. I feel the same about my wife at least once a day. Immense sadness coupled with a true belief though that I am the way I am and nothing will change that. To stay would cripple me emotionally. To be away makes me sad at times. Sleep deprivation. Yeah been there. And it makes everything feel ten times worse and insurmountable. Get some sleep and it will start to feel less bleak. Honest.
     
  19. SimpleMan

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    I hope today is a better day. The pain of feeling completely alone is devastating. The shame just compounds the loneliness. Remember that shame can't survive when we voice and share our feelings. I hope sharing your pain here helped.

    Also, try to remember that you are worthy of love and connection.

    Your worth is not connected to what society or any individual thinks of your looks, challenges, achievements, personality, or orientation. You are worthy of love and connection simply because you exist. If anyone in your life fails to see that then that is their problem.

    I know it is hard to believe during the loneliest times, but it will get better. You are in my thoughts today.
     
  20. Tudor

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    Hey Richie...can't imagine what your going through right now...but I've faced and continue to face my own struggles...what helped me through (I was alone & isolated)...was writing down my thoughts, my feelings...going so far as keeping a pen & paper by my bed...getting the thoughts out of my head...helped me stop the constant whirring of my brain...didn't think what to write...didn't worry whether it made sense...I just released it...let it out.
    It may not be for you...but I hang in there...you'll find your way through x