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I feel so guilty doing this to my friend!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Johanz, Oct 10, 2016.

  1. Johanz

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    so I met one of my best friends in college 3 years ago. This guy is super nice to me and such a great friend. I didn't have a crush on this guy before even though he is super hot but I sudenly developed weird feelings about him after graduating. We used to hang out almost everyday for a year my senior year and I just graduated and I miss seeing him everyday and the more I think about it the more I longed for him. I never really doubted his sexuality but I question it sometimes because of how close we are. I'm his tutor and I really love the fact that this guy thinks so highly of me. He talks a lot about me to his family and other friends. He called me hot quite a few times and he gives me a lot of mixed signals. He said before that other people think we are a gay couple and he doesn't even care. This guy is super sweet to me, I am really nice to him that's probably why he is a very good friend to me. This made me super confused, he doesn't know I'm bi and I haven't told him because he is super religious. Anyways I digress, what I really wanna say here is that I tricked my bestfriend into sending me nudes in Snap Chat, I wanted to know if he was straight or not. I guess I have no doubt about his sexuality now. Do you think I went too far? I was so obsess with hiim, I think I did such a creepy thing to do.. I felt so guilty doing this to my friend because I think I'm one of his closest friends.. This guy trusted me and I betrayed him.. he doesn't know anything about this tho. We still talk like everyday and still very close even tho we don't see each other.
     
  2. wardrobeescaper

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    Did you really have to trivk him to send you nudes? Couldn't you just have worked out if he was into guys in a general chat?
     
  3. 108

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    We have all made bad decicisions and done some creepy things in our youth. It was definitely not the right way handle the situation, but that you recognize is a great thing and you can grow from the experience. I wouldn't beat yourself up over this, but try to be a more honorable friend going forward
     
  4. clavaboi

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    I really think you should feel a bit guilty, what did you do, pretend to be someone else? You should have just asked him if he likes guys as well, if you really had feelings for him. But what's done is done. I sort of think you should tell him the truth and also exactly why you did it. Part of me thinks that you have no excuse to get nudes of someone who thinks you are just his friend. That's not really a good way to find out if someone could go both ways or not. You should probably tell him the truth if you feel so guilty. Or else you could just hide it and hold onto the guilt forever, if you ever have a relationship. But you would have to not go behind his back again or it will definitely catch up to you in the long term.Oh and more importantly it would be hurtful to him. its up to you
     
    #4 clavaboi, Oct 11, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2016
  5. 108

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    Personally, I would rather live with guilt than to confess and hurt someone else, when ultimately it's something inconsequential.
     
  6. AlmostBlue

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    I agree with 108. What you did was not the best thing to do, and it is very disrespectful to your friend. However, we all make mistakes, and as long as you regret this and try to learn from it and be a better friend, I think it's fine. Confessing what you did will only make the situation worse.
     
  7. Lin1

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    I agree that you should not confess, at this stage it will only make matter worse and will probably cause (on top of a lot of embarassment) a lot of pain and trust issues for your friend.

    What you did is way out of a line and I really think you should feel ashamed for even thinking about doing something like that. It's done though and like others have said, we all make mistakes. Now make sure you have deleted all pictures he has sent you and make sure he never finds out about it.

    If my best friend (or anyone I knew) did that to me I would be mortified and would probably find it very hard to forgive them or to want to hear their side of the story, to be honest.

    Next time you have doubts about someone's sexuality please talk to them. I can't imagine you would have thought acceptable for a friend of yours to use a fake profil to get nudes from you and out you. So next time you think about doing something like that, try and put yourself in the place of the person you are about to do it to and ask yourself if it's something you would like done to you. If not, then don't do it.
     
    #7 Lin1, Oct 11, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2016
  8. Johanz

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    Yes I agree with everyone's opinion above, it's messed up that I did that to one of my best friends. There's no way to justify what I did, I agree that I can't tell him the truth I'd rather keep the burden to myself than making him feel betrayed. To be honest I don't really regret, what I did, I am not proud of it and I feel so guilty for betraying him. I rather just feel badly about the situation than admitting it to him and get hurt with the process., he told me he really appreciate our friendship and I'm one of the most caring friends he ever had. If I tell him he will really be hurt.
    I guess I developed intense feelings for him and I can't even come out to him because every time we are together we always talk about everything, and a lot of deep and meaningful stuff. . He is very religious, he even saves his virginity before marriage which is why I chicken out on coming out to him, I know he will accept me but I'm sure it would change our friendship for the time being.
    Actually, I was being selfish and took the easy way of finding out about his sexuality, I didn't wanna have feelings for him anymore and I was trying to find some closure which was stupid. I do a lot of things for this guy, He is a really great friend and I don't wanna lose him. I just need a dose of reality that nothing is ever going to happen between us and move on. Thank you everyone, I just need to let it out and talk to someone..
     
    #8 Johanz, Oct 11, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2016