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I feel really confused...

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by GhostDog98, Jul 14, 2020.

  1. GhostDog98

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Australia
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    So like biologically speaking I am male, always been that way, but lately I've been questioning what I would like to wear vs what is expected... I really want to wear stuff like thigh highs and a skirt, in both a sexual and non-sexual way... I feel like it would just feel "more right" somehow... Like I don't want to transition to F but I would really like to dress up like one, even just in private... It's all I've really been able to think about for the past week and these thoughts have only really gotten stronger... The problem is that I still live with one of my parents (still not out as bi yet) and I can't really go get those clothes without drawing attention...

    Is there like a term for this type of feeling or identity?
     
  2. megatoad

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Twin Cities
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    You should look into being a femboy (expression) or a demiboy (identity) A femboy identifies fully as a boy, but enjoys typically feminine clothes and often wears long hair and makeup. A demiboy identifies partly as a boy and partly as something else- for you, that could mean you’re mostly a boy with a little touch of girl in there basically, and falls under the non-binary umbrella. Since it sounds like most of your uncertainty revolves around how you express yourself more than how you actually identify, I suspect femboy is more accurate for you. Check out r/femboy and r/FTMfemininity on reddit- the latter is actually for trans boys but has boys who lean into their masculine bodies (beards, etc) and the general femboy sub leans much more heavily into looking female, only while still identifying as male.

    To help you feel more feminine while still not being out, I suggest you go to target (or equivalent general store) on your own sometime, or make a secret purchase while there with a parent, to buy yourself a nice, affordable skirt- it doesn’t have to be anything fancy, but it can be if you want. Keep it somewhere your parents won’t look- maybe in your school bag, tucked behind a shelf, in your underwear drawer or something. Wear it after bedtime, when you’re excused from being with your family, or during the day with your bedroom door locked and jeans underneath for a quick fix. You can wear it literally whenever you’re alone, and just see how it feels and have a good time.

    You can also shop in the women’s section for everyday clothes if you don’t have someone right by you supervising- a large women’s graphic tee can pass just fine as a men’s shirt to your family, same for women’s button downs, some jackets, etc. I don’t suggest doing that for pants or shoes, but most women’s shirts are going to be versatile enough to wear without really attracting suspicion.

    Hopefully this was helpful, and good luck figuring yourself out!! You’re awesome and valid and I love you ^-^
     
    KittyKat97 and GhostDog98 like this.
  3. Mihael

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Wanting to wear the clothes of the opposite sex sometimes,without a full time transition, is called crossdressing.
     
  4. sleepyboy

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I hope you know how weird and nuanced language is. We're all out here just trying to find words that feel the MOST right to us. You can use a label or not use a label and thats totally valid. I do feel you though, anytime I feel like my gender or sexuality is expanding/changing I feel this compulsion to find label to fit in fear that if anyone "catches" me that I'm going to need it to explain myself etc... lifes rough. You could just be a guy who likes to wear feminine clothing, I know Im a transman and I still shop in the women's section to wear stuff when I'm in the mood either alone or with people i trust etc.
     
    LaurenSkye likes this.
  5. LaurenSkye

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I've gone through stages like that myself. Right now, don't focus on labeling. If you want to dress like a woman, and feel comfortable doing so, then do it. If you don't feel like you want to transition fully, don't. If in a few years you decide you're fully a guy and don't want to dress in women's clothes anymore, that's fine, you don't have to. If in a few years you feel that you are a woman, and want to transition, that you can consider taking steps in that direction (although you really need to be sure of transitioning before you go too far, but that's another issue for down the road). Basically, just take things one step at a time.