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i feel more and more stupid everyday...

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by adrenaline, Jan 11, 2017.

  1. adrenaline

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    i've been with my girlfriend for almost a year now and i'm still jealous of her ex... idk how to explain, i see their photos together and i feel like dying. i know she is with me now and she loves me unconditionally, but idk... her ex seems better than me about 1000 times... so what i'm asking maybe you guys could help to ignore that or idk suggest what i do or maybe i need changes in my life, maybe even our lives (mine and my gf) cuz idk sometimes it doesn't bother me at all and other times i wanna rip my skin out...
     
  2. Assassin'sKat

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    Does she know that this is bothering you?
     
  3. adrenaline

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    i mentioned a little few times, but i hate saying smth if i dont know how to solve particular problem.. so until i figure smth i probably will keep silent
     
  4. meistro

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    better than you? how so? is she a better sleeper? a better breather? is she better at blinking? Your girlfriend is with you now, not her...so it seems to me like your gf thinks your better or she wouldn't be with you. I think everyone feels like that from time to time about their partners ex and it's understandable, just don't let it consume you. Think positive things about yourself. Avoid thinking negatively about yourself or you'll be consumed by jealousy and low self esteem
     
  5. Creativemind

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    It's insecurity, and you can talk to her if you want to about it. Obviously she's not going to be better or else they never would have broken up to begin with (even if your gf was dumped, I'm sure the dumping would have made her seen her ex's true colors).

    Honestly, I think you need help. If you don't tackle it now it can lead to trust issues in the relationship.
     
  6. Sky123

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    I strongly suggest you nip the problem in the bud by talking to your girlfriend in depth about how you feel :slight_smile:
     
  7. KitSylph

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    I agree with some of the other posters: it sounds like the relationship is great, and that you're the person she wants and needs, but that maybe it's hard for you to feel like it's appropriate to be loved like that, because you are so acquainted with your flaws and maybe haven't had a lot of encouragement in your life. I also agree that this is very serious stuff and that you're smart to bring it up, and that it would probably really help to talk it out, preferably with a good therapist (does your insurance plan offer anything, or are there any clinic-like options near you?).

    I'm not sure I would suggest talking about this to your girlfriend in depth, because it might feel to her like you're doubting her love for you or that she's doing something wrong. As far as I can tell (from just reading what you've posted here, so I could be way off!) this is your issue to deal with, so while I think you're smart for having shared it, I think the hard work is yours to tackle rather than hers. At the same time, that work is really hard to do alone, which is why I suggest a therapist--or at least a wise, sympathetic friend. If you don't have anybody else you can talk to in depth about it, message me: I don't know how wise I am, but I'm sympathetic!

    Also remember that this doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, even though it might *feel* like there's something wrong with you. You're exactly who you're supposed to be, and we all have worries about being good enough sometimes, especially if there's someone else to compare ourselves too who looks better from the outside.

    Good luck!
     
  8. bunnydee

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    When you are in a relationship, you see a different side of that person than everyone else does. The side she saw in her ex isn't the same as what you see and are judging on. Take it as fact that there was something she saw and did not want or like.
     
  9. Lazuri

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    I'm also going to say that you should talk to her about it. This very clearly stems from insecurity, so I'd make it very clear to her that she hasn't done anything wrong and that you're acting irrational due to insecurities. She is the best person to help you lay those insecurities to rest; I sincerely doubt anybody on this site would even be able to.
     
  10. Chip

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    One of Brené Brown's powerful phrases, "The story I'm making up is..." can help here.

    You can talk with your girlfriend and tell her exactly what the story you're making up is... that her ex was better than you, that you're afraid she'll leave you and go back to the ex, whatever it is. Talking about it with her will help.

    The second piece is working on your own worthiness. Deep down, you don't believe you're worthy of your girlfriend. That's where this is coming from. And that will take time to fix. I would strongly suggest you consider working with a therapist on this issue, because if you don't, it will likely find its way into other aspects of your life as well.

    This is a very solvable problem, and the first step is bringing it into the open so you can work on it.