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I feel like I'm back to where I started. (Trans issue)

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by MusicIsLife, Sep 14, 2010.

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  1. MusicIsLife

    MusicIsLife
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    So I did it. Last friday I came out to my mom. It was a mediated coming out, my therapist was present just in case things got ugly.

    They didnt. It went much better than I expected. There were tears from the both of us, but its wasnt I'm-crying-because-i'm-so-dissappointed-in-you, it was more I'm-concerned-but-i-still-love-you-and-I-will-support-you-all-the-way crying.

    We talked with my therapist for 2 hours, then we left. She guilted me in to coming with her to see my brother in Perth, ON which is about a 3 hour drive.

    During the 6 hours it took to get there and back, there was a LOT of discussion, about how the family will take it (ie my grandfather is more likely to start a dance crew than to accept me) and so on, but one of the recurring themes/questions from my moms end was "What if you're on T for a year, then you decide that you don't want to be a boy anymore" and then more variations of this question. I can't remember what I told her.

    Anyway, by the time I got home I was severely doubtful about everything, and now I'm like super confused. is this normal, or if I'm this doubtful, am I not ready, or maybe I'm just butch, I don't know. I'm so stressed out and confused :bang: advice would be greatly appreciated. :help:
     
    #1 MusicIsLife, Sep 14, 2010
  2. Pepsi

    Pepsi Guest

    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) You are whoever you truly feel you are! You must know that. To me it sounds like your mother totally accepts you, it sounds like she is worried about you but I'm sure that's only because she is a mother. Mothers want their children to be able to have the easiest life they can and unfortunately if you're anything other then straight and the gender you biologically are then you are going to have a harder life because of that. To me at least, of course I don't know your mom or how well she is actually, but it sounds like she's just upset because she knows you'll have a harder life, not because she's upset at you, she just sounds worried. Again though I don't know your mother and all that so. Just think about yourself and who you see yourself as and think about who/what/etc. you are. Only you can answer those questions. Concluding that alone will give you some solace. Until then (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) Good luck.


    EDIT: Oh and congrats on coming out to your mom!
     
    #2 Pepsi, Sep 14, 2010
  3. Jim1454

    Jim1454
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    I would think that it's normal to second guess something as crucial as changing your gender. That's a big deal. And it doesn't help when your mother has her own doubts and questions about the whole situation - which is also totally normal.

    I'd just let it all sink in for a while. Stick with it and see how it feels. Accept that your trans and just go with that for now - not necessarily in terms of action but in terms of your thoughts and feelings around it. If after a period of time you still don't feel settled, then maybe you are just 'butch'. But after a period of time you feel completely comfortable in that 'skin' then you can assume you've got it right and then contemplate making the physical changes that often come with that.

    Of course - I'm not in your shoes. That's just what I think you should do.
     
    #3 Jim1454, Sep 15, 2010
  4. Katherine

    Katherine
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    (*hug*)

    It's not like it has to be something that happens overnight. Relax. Take a deep breath. You are whoever you are, and no possibility is better or worse than any other.

    I don't know if you already do, but have you tried binding or packing? If not, why not try doing that for a while and see how it feels? Like Jim said, just give it some time. You'll figure out what's right for you. :3
     
    #4 Katherine, Sep 15, 2010
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