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I feel like I'll never get anywhere in life

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Andrew99, Jan 13, 2018.

  1. Andrew99

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    I want to be successful. I don't want to be a loser or a freeloader. Last semester in college I didn't pass any classes. I started an online course this past week but fell too far behind and got dropped. I don't know what I want to be anymore. I also don't think I'll ever find the right guy. Like sometimes I feel like my expectations are too high but I'll never be happy settling for less.
     
  2. Cory675

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    Hey man,
    Do you want to be successful just for the sake of being successful or is your area of study something that you're passionate about? It's great that you want to succeed, but if it isn't doing something you love, you're trying for the wrong reasons. Sometimes it can take a little time to find something we're passionate about, but it's so worth it. :-D

    As for finding a boyfriend, your expectations are too high, indeed. Mr Perfect is a fantasy that doesn't exist. Searching for the perfect boyfriend will only lead you to push away imperfect, real humans that could actually make you very happy. It is ok to have high standards. Perhaps make a list of the flaws you really can't live with, as well as the fundamental qualities that the other person must possess to make you feel safe and loved. Then make a list of your major life goals, and ask yourself whether potential partners are compatible with this. I would be careful not to have criteria like "must be at least 6' tall and be a big video game fan." As for your physical "type", life can surprise you with whom you are attracted to if you get to know them. As for shared interests, be flexible. As long as the other person respects and supports you in your interests, they will still be a very safe and supportive partner for you, and may even open your eyes to other interests that you didn't know before.

    Enjoy the rest of your weekend :slight_smile:
     
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  3. SemiCharmedLife

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    You're 18. Take a deep breath. You've got plenty of time. I'm 30 and still trying to narrow down exactly what i want to be when I grow up.

    Once you do that, I might suggest meeting with a career counselor. They can help you figure out what jobs you might be good at and what the right path is to get there (school? Apprentice programs?)
     
  4. Shorthaul

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    College does not = automatic success. In fact if you don't know what you want to do just going to college because people told you too is a waste of money.

    You could go to a trade school for a whole lot less debt and make a whole lot more money in a shorter time. Or someone would pay for you to learn the skill if you work for them for a certain amount of time. Like becoming an electrician, the power company was just looking for journeyman linemen and started out at $36 an hour. Which is $1,440 a week or $74,880 a year and that's not counting overtime. And it is one of those fields where you can find a job in anywhere you want to live. Unless you want to live on an island that doesn't have electricity... then it might not be a good idea.

    Another idea I would recommend that was rewarding was health care. And I am not talking even going to school for nursing or a doctor. I did home health care service for a couple years. Specifically I setup and maintained people's oxygen equipment or hospital beds. Stuff like oxygen concentrators, portable o2 tanks, liquid o2 tanks, C-paps. Drop by people's homes and exchange their empty tanks for full ones and check their machines and other supplies. If you like helping people it is a great job that doesn't require any kind of degree; just a driver's license and a reasonable technical understanding. All major maintenance is generally done off site, so you switch out the broken machine with a new one and send the broken one off to be repaired else ware.

    Another in demand job is truck drivers, its not glamorous and despite what most people think there are lots of truck driving jobs that do not require you to be gone from home weeks on end. I've been a truck driver for 10 years now and have never been an Over The Road or Long Haul driver. I did trash for 6 years, pay is good, home every night. At the moment I literally put a roof over people's heads because I deliver roof trusses, still home every night and still making pretty good money.

    But all of those kind of depend on what "success" means to you. Is success a big house and expensive cars; is it world travel or is it something less tangible? Like making a difference in other people's lives.

    If you don't know what you want to do, then just do everything. I've been lots of things in the last 17 years since graduating tech school. Bar tending was kind of fun, working on trucks and heavy equipment was fun, working at a catering company was a hoot (the pay sucked, but free food was awesome) the health care thing was really rewarding but also emotionally draining (people on oxygen don't live a long time)


    As for finding the right or perfect person, maybe you are looking to hard. Most of the people I know had better success in dating when they were not looking for their soul mate. My good friend met his wife at the landfill he worked at, laugh all you want but that is the freaking truth. In July of all months so he stunk to high heaven and she was soaked with sweat from doing yard work. They'll be married a year this June.
     
  5. mnguy

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    Hey man, I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed and stuck in a rut. I know the feeling very well and it sucks! For me it's depression that gradually crept up and I lost interest in things I used to enjoy, lost confidence I could do anything, hard to concentrate and have hope for things getting better. I'd suggest seeing a counselor of some kind through your college or wherever you can. I struggled with classes in college and wish I had thought to see a counselor. Looking back now I think I was frustrated and losing self confidence, but didn't know why. Part was losing my identity of A student in high school and not in college and partly that I was gay, but didn't know that yet and was frustrated with guys I wanted to be closer friends with, but they were chasing women which I didn't understand. At least you understand your sexuality so that's good.

    Are you not interested in your major anymore? Is there something else you are more interested in? I went for something thinking about the potential high income, but wish I would have changed majors to something I was more passionate about. I don't even know what that would have been at that time so it's a hindsight thing. I guess my point is to make your career match real interests rather than income potential. Don't get sucked into thinking you need a lot of money by the marketing bs that more new, expensive stuff will make you happy. It doesn't last and you'll be chasing after the next thing to fill the void. I recommend minimalism and frugality so you don't need to earn so much, don't need lots of space to keep stuff, less worry about material loss and more freedom from stuff. Here's one article talking about this and the subjects have a TED talk too that I think was interesting. Sorry, I'm probably way off from what you were thinking of, but I do wish I had been exposed to these ideas when I was in college or before. Good luck and keep reaching out for help.

    http://time.com/3738202/minimalism-clutter-too-much-stuff/