1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I feel like I should come out to everyone and it’s weird

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Bludzee, Jul 26, 2022.

  1. Bludzee

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2022
    Messages:
    71
    Likes Received:
    33
    Location:
    France
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I’m in this moment in vacation with my family, and I regularly met cousins for few hours. And I feel like I should told them everything.
    I think it’s a bad idea to come out to them (I don’t know their opinion on this subject, if they react badly I don’t to « ruin » the family moment, I’m not sure if I’m lesbian or bi and I don’t want to tell something and then come back to say it was something else) but I still feel like I must do it.
    It doesn’t only do it with my family but also with my friends and mutual. I’m sure that some people will be totally ok with that (like my close friends and my parents), but for other… it’s complicated.
    Also, after the summer I’m going to hight school, a lot of people of my middle school goes to the same. I’m afraid that if I tell one of my mutual, they talk of this to people I don’t know after that. I don’t want to have trouble out there.
    But even when I acknowledge the fact that it’s probably not the best to come out now, I feel like I should talk of this. To everyone. It’s weird.
    Sorry if you don’t really understand what I wrote, I’m french and tired so my english may be wrong
     
  2. PrettyBoyBlue

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2015
    Messages:
    95
    Likes Received:
    118
    Location:
    NJ / USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hi Bludzee,

    I understand the feeling.. like you have to tell EVERYONE, all at once! Very stressful. Maybe, instead of a label (lesbian or bi) you could focus on what you do know right now: "I think I like women, I think I like both, I would love to date so-and-so." Etc. It's still honest, and it might take away the pressure of finding a label you're not ready for.

    But please only do so if you feel safe enough, and if you trust your friends enough not to out you, if you're not ready for others at school to know.

    Best of luck! I wish I had as much courage at your age :grin:
     
    #2 PrettyBoyBlue, Jul 28, 2022
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2022
  3. BiGemini87

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2019
    Messages:
    1,281
    Likes Received:
    1,092
    Location:
    Pembroke, ON
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hello, @Bludzee!

    The first (and most important) thing to consider is: do you want to come out, and if so, are you safe to do so? @PrettyBoyBlue is right--you don't have to saddle yourself with a label until you're ready (if you ever wish to). It's enough to know that you aren't straight, and therefore that on its own is an important step; acknowledging it to yourself.

    Out of curiosity, how long have you known you aren't straight? How do you feel about it, and yourself? If this is a recent development, give yourself time to process the information and all the emotions it invokes. Then, when you're ready to tell someone, start small and only tell someone (or a group of people) you know you can trust not to tell anyone else. In fact, it doesn't hurt to set that stipulation before you tell anyone, because coming out is something that no one else should do for you unless given express permission.

    When it comes to your cousins or anyone else you aren't sure of, you can always try to broach the subject regarding current events (rather than making yourself the focus). This can be difficult, of course, because finding a time for the conversation to occur naturally may prove impossible. Conversely, there's no rush to come out to them until you have that information--even if it's a couple of years from now. Nor is there any pressure to come out to everyone, as not everyone needs or deserves to know. Basically, it depends on how close you are to these cousins and whether you feel it's necessary to tell them.

    Take your time to weigh the pros and cons, then go from there. :slight_smile:
     
    Rayland, PrettyBoyBlue and Bludzee like this.
  4. Bludzee

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2022
    Messages:
    71
    Likes Received:
    33
    Location:
    France
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hello, thank you so much for your reply !
    PrettyBoyBlue, you’re right about the label thing, maybe I shouldn’t think too much about it.
    Well it’s really recent. Like since April. I don’t think I really process and accept this but I thought that if people around me know it could help me to understand better what’s happening (when I write this I begin to think it’s not a really good logic).
    I’ve already tell (sort of) three of my closest friends before this thread and it went well.
    Ok so I definitely didn’t think of things in that way before. I guess you’re right and I’ll think about that. I feel like I should come out to everyone right now but I’m just pressuring myself.
     
    Rayland, BiGemini87 and PrettyBoyBlue like this.
  5. Jakebusman

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2015
    Messages:
    1,302
    Likes Received:
    364
    Location:
    OH
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    You shouldn't feel like you have to come out you come out on your own time.