The title is weird, I get it. But allow me to explain. The reason I use the term "werewolf" is that I usually feel rather restrained in my interactions with people. I tend to find that I put on a mask and play the meek like polite boy, but inside I feel like some wild fire burning to get out. Like I love to go into the middle of the woods and just run and jump and go wild. I feel like the real me. I tend to really jam out when I listen to music in my car or at home when no one is around. I dance like a graceful ballerina or wild animal. It's like a tempest in a bottle. And then there are times where I just "dissolve" into my surroundings and get lost in what is happening around me. They say be yourself when trying to make friends, but the problem is that when I eek out just a little bit to test the waters I often find myself having to pull back when their reaction doesn't match what I thought. So I just hold it in,resist the dance,the feelings around me, I hold it in with a facade of calm and polite just to charm and not chase others away. I kind of have gotten used to being alone, but I think I just tell myself to convince me that I'm not as alone as I admit. It hurts sometimes, I will say that. But the thing is I like the wildness. I feel alive and a part of everything around me. To sedate that just seems.......I don't know. I think that is why I tend to identify the most with the monsters and beasts in the movies and the media since that's what it feels like on the inside. Something wild but that most people don't want to be around.
If people cannot accept the real you (The wild, careless abandon version of you), they're not "your" people. Friends are supposed to accept all of you, not just the calm version which you choose to show people who do not understand the real you. Be yourself and the right people will gravitate towards you. Hope this helps
Two things can happen: 1) the people around you like the polite calm stuff and they police other people into making sure everyone is "behaving". Its fairly common and its the plot of so many movies because it happens that often. They are honestly meaning well, but they don't understand what you are feeling inside 2) It will take a couple of times to find people who feel as much as you do about the world. When you peek out and feel hard, if other people react badly just tell yourself "got it, not my people. I'll keep looking" it doesn't mean that you are wrong. Also, if you have kept so much energy pent up, your first couple of times "peeking through" will be a bit extra. They will be over the top. Own it, it will take a while for you to find your own inner balance. Only way to do it is by getting the energy out and playing around with it Have you ever created something? You don't have to have the skill to make it perfect, but it sounds like all your energy could be used for you to start creating...anything that moves you. Music, art, video editing, graphic design, public events, etc. Create something. Sign up for dance classes, find the place where other creatives hang out and join their projects. Surround yourself with people who feel just as much as you do.
That doesn’t really help me much at all. It’s like hope, promising something without evidence. From what I see there isn’t anyone else like me, and the “be yourself” advice doesn’t seem like there is evidence behind it to warrant saying it. I have been myself and it really has only chased people away. So the solution is then to just keep the mask on and hide. I would like to be able to show the real aspect of me, but experience seems to say that people just don’t want that.
I can't give you the grim response that you are craving. I can't tell you "yeah, wow you are alone and I have never heard anyone else complain about this ever" because its not true. I have personaly met more than 5 people that have complains almost identical to you. You are not as a long as you think you are. I never said "Be yourself and shit will be perfect". It doesn't work that way. Not everyone will like you for who you are. Some people will hate you specifically for you who are. That's how it works. Being who you are is not an easy fix. Its one of the hardest things to do in the world and its far easier to just put on a mask and keep your act. I'm saying, be yourself around other people who are similar to you. Finding them is hard, which is why I gave you suggestions to seek creative types. This is a very real option. You can certainly do that, but I'm telling you its not your only option. You are not as weird and intricate as you think. Maybe compared to those around you, but certainly not in the world or even if your state. Keeping the mask and hiding is clearly not working else you wouldn't be here. If you have time, there is a new Netflix special by Brene Brown that I think you would really enjoy and tackle some of your questions. Give it a go.
Well the thing is that I used to build a lot with LEGO’s and draw a lot, but even then I was still wild. I loved to move and jump and everything. But as you get older things change. I get what you mean by creative types but even they are pretty sedated. They don’t see the world the way I do or feel what I feel. When I say I feel a kinship to the monsters in movies I wasn’t joking.
Who do you think created those monsters? Who do you think created the worlds that you so clearly resonate with? People who feel very similarly to you. There is a multi million dollar industry based on how popular those feelings are. Its not something new is what I'm telling you. People literally jump off of airplanes. People climb mountains without any safety mechanisms. Some people parachute off of buildings. Have you ever been into parkour? Tried it with a group of people? Its the closest that I can get to an example of just running around the sake of it. Its your life man. What do you want to do? What are the things that you would do if you could?
You are wrong about the monsters. I have read about those who make the worlds but they just don’t feel the same way that I do. I know you think it’s nothing new, but it is. The way I resonate with it is nothing like the way they make it out to be. As for parkour, that’s still to relaxed. You don’t just plan to do such things or find an area for it, you just do. What I could do I am doing. The problem is that no one else around me feels the same about things I do.
