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I feel like a girl

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by anthonybg, Oct 19, 2016.

  1. anthonybg

    anthonybg Guest

    Is it weird that at times I wanna be a woman really bad? I mean, I feel like women are treated better and have more privileges than men. I would love to put myself in a woman's skin just to see the difference.
    I also get the feeling that my body just isn't right but it's only temporary. Like, I wanna have long hair and wear high heels and stuff. But then I just feel super guilty for even thinking about it.

    I'm really confused. Help!
     
  2. Secrets5

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    ''I feel like women are treated better and have more privileges than men'' - that really depends on where you live, and even then I wouldn't call it ''better'', I'd call it ''different''.

    "I also get the feeling that my body just isn't right but it's only temporary. Like I wanna have long hair and wear high heels and stuff" - Do you want to be a girl so you can do these things, or think you have to do these things because you are a girl?

    It's fine if you want to do these things if that's what you want to do and be a girl if that's what you are, you shouldn't feel guilty about it. It takes some people a lot longer to question what he/she/they are so thinking about it is required.
     
  3. Creativemind

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    Um....what privileges do we have exactly? Women historically have been more oppressed and denied rights compared to men, especially in the past. It's gotten more equal nowadays, but there are still ways in which society treats women that I'm sure you really do not want to deal with.

    Having long hair and wearing heels doesn't make someone a girl. I'm a woman and I have neither of those things. You can do them and be a crossdresser.

    Now, you can be trans and that's fine. But you should be questioning it based on body/social dysphoria and what pronouns you want.
     
  4. anthonybg

    anthonybg Guest

    Women in my country are sexualized all the time. Let's say, no matter how offensive it may sound, if you're a good-looking woman, you can have absolutely everything you want - from clothes, cars to luxurious houses and holidays to fancy destination because there are men out there willing to do everything just to get a girl's attention. THAT'S why women are more privileged in this aspect even though sexualizing isn't always a sign of being privileged.

    But I do wanna dress in women's clothes and look EXACTLY like a girl AT TIMES and get that exact kind of attention that 'pretty' and 'sexy' girls get. There's a certain feeling of femininity that just takes over and it makes me feel like my gender is wrong but it's doesn't last. The only thing that really troubles me is if actually wanna be a girl or I'm just curious about it.
     
  5. HappyGirlLucky

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    Being seen as something to be bought and valued for how good you look is not a privilege, it is how people treat objects. Men have the privilege of not being treated like that, and it is one which women have had to fight hard for and we still don't have entirely anywhere, and in large parts of the world not at all. You sound like you want it easy in life, well being a woman will not do that for you. Even the ones you describe, who receive a lot of material things and who are really pretty will feel awful knowing that what they are valued for will fade with time and who they are as a person is entirely disregarded. She should preferably just shut up and look pretty so other men can be jealous of the rich man who bought her. What a privilege!

    From your point of view, it looks like you think you will get to keep all the privilege of being a man with the additional benefits of free stuff and easy boyfriends. You forget that you lose all your current privileges, like the privilege not to be touched by gross strange men whenever they please, the privilege to not be judged by exactly everyone around you by how you look, the privilege to be taken seriously when you speak, the privilege to always be considered default in just about everything. I could go on and on with this.

    Like Creativemind said, if you want to dress up in heels and all that, go right ahead. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If you genuinely feel your body should be that of a woman's (whether pretty or not) then that is different but you need to be realistic about what your life will be like. It is far from sunshine and roses and people handing you things left and right, believe me. How would you feel about being just your average looking woman during those moments, one who doesn't receive all that attention?
     
  6. Creativemind

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    Being sexualized is not a privilege. It means that you are more likely to be harassed and raped by those so called men you want to be giving you attention. And assuming you become a pretty woman and get raped, what will happen? Nothing. Your attacker will probably not go to prison, you will be blamed for it, if you were a cis woman, you'd possibly have to carry a pregnancy, be called a slut, and disowned. As a trans woman, you face all of that (except for the pregnancy part) if you're read as a woman, while those who read you as male will call you gay slurs, and you will NEVER get any help.

    Men cat call us women because they want to rape us and show violence and entitlement over us. Most women are afraid to even leave the house without a gun or pepper spray because of these men who do favors for us. Women only accept the favors because we are AFRAID that if we deny those "nice" things, we will be raped and murdered. Most of the time we are.

    This will not change if you realize you are a trans woman. You will get nice things done to you and will accept them because of the fear of violence if you don't. Being trans also makes this MUCH worse, since most men will never want to sleep with a woman who has a penis. Once they find out you do, they are very likely to beat you to death. Many straight trans women have died in the hands of men they loved.

    Most trans women don't transition to get privileges, they transition because of dysphoria. They are aware they might lose privileges as they integrate into the same culture cis women are born into, and that scares them, despite knowing they would be happier. You seem to think you can transition and get more privileges than before, but this is simply untrue to being a woman, cis or trans.
     
  7. BrookeVL

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    What everyone else said. I'm not trans because I want "privilege" or free stuff, or any of that. I'm trans because I was born in the wrong body. Being a woman is hard, especially a trans woman, but I'm ready for it, because despite being up the creek without a paddle, once I get down the creek I'll be better off for it.
     
  8. Eveline

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    Anthony, the day I realized that I was trans, I also realized what it means to transition, the huge price that I would have to pay just to feel alive and connected to my body. Rape, violence, abuse, being disowned, getting fired and living in poverty are just the tip of the iceberg and it goes on and on. Talking about privilage in context of being trans makes very little sense unless you define privilage as being able to breath or feel pain. That being said, people do transition and some eventually live the life they imagined for themselves. However to get there they must go through trials that test them to the limit and beyond. All that pain and hardship culminates in us losing the male privilage of feeling safe to walk alone, of not being looked down upon and not be taken seriously by men you work with and msny other things you take for granted.

    I can imagine that your life is extremely hard right now and that you are in pain. It can be so hard to cope with the transition to adulthood and it is even harder when you are gay. However, once things fall into place, things will get much better, especially if you go to university and find yourself among people that accept you and love you for who you are. Time will make things easier and the inhibitions that make it so hard for you to express yourself as you desire will become easier to break.

    I painted here a dark picture of being trans because acceptnce means understanding how hard life can be after transitioning and still moving forward because the alternative is worse. So with this in mind, think about what I wrote here, think of losing everything you care about, of being hated and threatened for simply being the person that you are inside. Think about all these things and then look inside of you and find out who you are and move forward from there. Ask yourself, if you strip away those symbols of gender such as clothes or makeup, are you still a woman? Do you know how it feels to be a woman, to see the world through our eyes? Can you feel it deep in your soul and do you feel a gap between you and men that can simply not be bridged?
     
    #8 Eveline, Oct 19, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2016
  9. Mihael

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    Hm. Have you tried being a girl online, like in forums or games? If you are not sure whether transitioning would be a good idea, that could be a place to start and see how it feels. You could give crossdressing a try too, but it's more difficult and might be dangerous if you step out of your house.

    I get where you're coming from.
     
  10. EverDeer

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    You might just have a drag/cross dressing fetish or want to have a more feminine expression so that people will treat you in a feminine / submissive way. Most trans women don't "want to be" women because of the stuff or attention they'll get or because they want to manipulate how people treat them just sexually- it's because they already feel like a woman inside and don't want to be seen as something they're not by the rest of society. Not all women are sexy and submissive- you don't have to be either of those things to feel like a woman, though those are traditionally feminine associated qualities. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be treated in a feminine way or be submissive as a man.
     
    #10 EverDeer, Oct 19, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2016
  11. Mihael

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    Yeah, it sounds more like my line of thinking :grin: I don't particularily identify with the rest of my sex.
     
  12. denouement

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    If it's possible you could try dressing up a bit to see how it feels. For example if you have a girl friend who would let you borrow something, or you could go to a store and try things on in the dressing room.
    If long hair appeals to you, you could start to grow it out a little. This won't be fast, but if you don't like it you can easily cut it off.

    Some other things to think about--
    Youtube has plenty of trans women talking about their experiences, and 'timelines' showing how HRT and such affected them. And of course there are posts here on the subject.
    Think about how the end result could be, and also consider all the time and cost and effort that can go into it. What parts, if any, appeal to you? Would you be willing to do all of that just to be female?

    It's been mentioned, but what about crossdressing or doing drag? In other words, what about wearing women's clothing or using makeup and such to look more female, but keeping your body the same and still being socially seen as a man.

    You mention that you'd like to experience the kind of attention a pretty girl would get, but how would you feel about being a girl in a situation without any attention? For example think about being alone at home, watching TV or whatever you like to do, but with the long hair and a female body and so on. Is that more or less appealing than doing what you do now with your current self?

    And since you've thought about being pretty, how would you feel about being just a plain, average-looking woman? When you get older, would you rather be an old woman or an old man?

    I can't say if you're trans or just a feminine guy or what but all of those are things I thought about as I was trying to figure it out. It may not give you an answer but hopefully it could give you something more to go off of.