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I feel jealous of my bf..like I don't deserve him

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Xc220, Feb 10, 2018.

  1. Xc220

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    It sounds ridiculous but I am actually jealous of my bf. We been together months and it's fine, but lately I've been feeling this way. He's younger than me (26, am 28) and like, I hear him go on about what he has done in the past fun wise and like, I was late to coming to terms with the fact I am gay and while I have done a lot, it all seems so inadequate when compared to him. I then look at him and see that he's better looking than me and that if we were break up, sure he would be fine and find another in no time while I would struggle so much like before. The other thing, and it actually annoys me, is that I found out he cheated on me, and while i know how I should have acted, in the end, we kept going and sure we still are. Anyway, during the confrontation he said i was boring for him at times, and that has not left my mind once. I have been told, and indeed I thought I was good, but like, if this is how he feels...or felt anyway, I feel like I'm holding him back and that maybe he just with me out of pity. I dunno what to be saying or thinking to be honest. I mean it's not a case of being grateful, because I am despite him being a prick and cheating, but i just seem to be actually jealous and envious of him. I don't feel I deserve him, and it's odd because he could leave easily at any point, and yet he stays with me. I don't know what's up with me. And I try so hard to keep fit and looking as best I can even though he doesn't ask me to or anything. I dunno if i can keep going like this...
     
  2. Jax12

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    Easier said than done, as I still struggle with this, but do not compare yourself with him (or anyone in general). You bring your own unique qualities in a relationship, as your significant other does as well.

    Don’t put people on the pedastle. That only hurts you in the long run.

    I’m terms of staying with cheaters, everyone has their own tolerance level. Some people see it as black and white, and some people give the other person another chance based on the circumstances.

    Not implying anything, but I do like this quote a lot

    “If you can love the wrong person that much, imagine how much you can love the right one.” - Unknown
     
    mask1985 likes this.
  3. Gravity

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    I generally try not to draw conclusions about people who aren't posting on the website (or even people who are), because of course at the end of the day, I don't know them in person. But I will say this - if your boyfriend cheated on you, and you took him back, he should be thanking his lucky stars - not calling you boring. Saying something like that after what you two have been through is, to be honest, a huge red flag to me, and I have to wonder if you wouldn't be better off in a different relationship - or even just not in this one.

    On a broader level, if you find that you're judging yourself against your partner, it might speak a lot to your self-image. This is supposed to be a person that you're comfortable around - in some cases, the person you're most comfortable around (this will vary of course depending on length of relationship and current context, but it's safe to say that people in healthy relationships won't typically describe themselves as uncomfortable being with said partner). So, if you're having trouble letting your guard down or being happy with yourself around him, it suggests you're really not happy with yourself - which can make it difficult to continue on in a relationship. Of course, going through the experience of being cheated on and trying to work on the relationship afterwards can itself be a huge hit to one's self-image, even if not deserved.
     
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  4. Myclosetisfull

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    Clearly he doesn't find you inadequate or he wouldn't be dating you. If if he said you were boring him. So what. People have less than the attention span of a knat now, even when it comes to relationships. He isn't used to being a dedicated relationship and you seem fairly guarded with yourself around him from your general attitude. I think you wouldn't be feeling this way if both of you were happy and affectionate around each other.
     
    #4 Myclosetisfull, Feb 14, 2018 at 10:55 PM
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2018 at 11:00 PM
  5. Nice Dave

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    He's cheated on you, and you're doubting that you deserve him. So, do you think you deserve to be with someone who will treat you worse?

    I think you need to examine your own confidence and self esteem. It sounds like a bitter rivalry, with you constantly comparing yourself to him. And it sounds like this situation is draining a lot of energy out of you.