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I feel guilty, I know I shouldn't but I do

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by BelieveinLove94, Jan 4, 2017.

  1. BelieveinLove94

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Tennessee
    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    So, a little backstory, my stepdad is very verbally, emotionally, and mentally abusive. He has been for the last few years. He gets mad over the tiniest things, for example I ate a couple of potato chips that mom brought for everyone but I guess he assumed she only got them for him and he got mad and called me every bad thing under the sun. My mother luckily stood up for me. For the few months, my mom has been having bad anxiety attacks, to the point where she can't breath. She usually has them after my stepdad is mean to us. She usually loves the holidays but this year, all she and my stepdad did was argue. On Christmas, they had a huge argument and my mom had such a bad panic attack that she couldn't catch her breath. She had to sit in front of a fan for ten minutes while I talked her through it. I have anxiety attacks too so I know how to talk her through them. She went to the doctor a couple of days ago and he said her heart sounded fine but that my stepdads abusive behavior was becoming too stressful for her and that was causing her anxiety attacks. He said that they either needed marriage counseling or a divorce. Mom, thankfully, listened and had a long talk with my stepdad.
    Why do I feel guilty you ask? I came out to my mom a week ago. She told me I was sick and disgusting, and pretty much was just awful to me. I feel like I'm contributing to her stress and anxiety by being gay but there's another part of me that knows that's not true. I know it's my stepdad's abusive behavior but I still feel like I should've not told her because now, it's made her anxiety worse. I was up late last night while laying in bed blaming myself. I guess I feel like I should be making things easier for her, not harder by saying I'm gay.
     
  2. Quantumreality

    Regular Member

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    Hey BelieveinLove94,

    I'm sorry for what you're going through with your home life.:icon_sad:

    Your stepdad sounds like a very bad person to have around. I hope your mom sticks to her guns on the marriage counseling or getting a divorce. It sounds like his abusiveness is literally adversely effecting her health.

    In terms of you Coming Out to her, you can't worry yourself about any potential impact on your mom. Your sexuality is about you. Not her. However, given her reaction to you, it seems like her current anxiety hasn't allowed her to take your news objectively. I don't know her, of course, but I'd bet that once she has a chance to get back to an even keel and objectively look at it, she will come around and accept you. Frankly, though the impact of you coming out is not really on her. Sure, she may have to deal with any lost hopes about you marrying a nice man and having a 'normal' family, but those were only her hopes to begin with, not requirements for you to fulfill. So, what additional stressful impact would your Coming Out really have on her?

    Best of luck!:slight_smile: