Oh my gosh, yes! Especially the lonely part. I think everyone does but I'm sure it can be more acute when we're gay. I'm not exactly feeling it so much right now... well kinda... it's complicated. But yes, I doubt very much you're alone in feeling that way. If that's any comfort.
Actually yes...a lot esp. during days i have to be alone (hehe, that makes sense) or days that linger on forever and you just want someone to lean on. Anyway, depression is like a rollercoaster and you could be in a "real-bad-longing-for-someone depressed" mode or a "somewhat-okay, but still lonely and depressed" mode. well, that's my view. i'm new here so...yeah...hi all =D
Hi there and welcome! I have issues with spending time on my own, too. Like if I have a day to myself, I can go kinda squirrelly trying to find a friend to hang out with. I don't seem to be all that comfortable with just being on my own and not being "distracted."
I, on the other hand, am perfectly happy in my alone time. Although, there are some ocasions when I just want to hug someone, or just spend some time with them. Depressed, yes, always... and I don't reckon that will change any time soon. I'm seeking professional help though.
I don't know exactly what is the difference between depression and melancholy, but I prefer using the second one to define myself. I am a melancholic person, and I think I have been like that all my life. An about loneliness... well, it probably depends on your personality, I used to be a very introverted guy, so I have this kind of tendency to feel OK when I'm alone, which isn't good considering that background -IMHO nothing good comes from isolation, unless you are a real genius! Somehow I've changed a lot over the last year or so and now I do feel lonely every now and then, which is not bad at all, it's like a wake up call for me to do something with my life, meet people, talk, make friends, whatever. Not easy, though possible.
It's not actually that I'm lonely when I'm just by myself, I can stay home all day and not be lonely. It's just that when I start thinking about my life, and what life has been like, and what it is going to be like, that is when I start to get kinda depressed and start to feel lonely lol. For example, last weekend was our Homecoming dance. I didn't go, nor have I gone to the ones in the past years. Why you ask? 1) The first two years I was still dealing with my sexuality, so it was kinda tough. 2) This year, most my good friends have boyfriends they are going with, or already have a date, and I didn't want to interfere by going with them by myself. 3) For some reason, I can't ask a girl out unless they know I am gay. I feel like if I do ask a girl out to an event like homecoming, it would seem like I'm interested in her or something, and I don't want it to be like that. I've had many experiences in which a girl starts to get too close to me, and then people would start talking about us. They would ask me if I like her, and I always don't know what to say. I want to tell them the truth, that we are just friends, but then I don't want people to think that I'm gay or anything. And during this time is when I usually start to back away from the girl, and our friendship seems to decline a little bit. I hate it. Another thing I get depressed about is when I see all these hot guys walking around in the hallways, and I'm thinking to myself, "Man I will never have a chance with him." I see so many people in relationships, and I wonder to myself if I will ever find anyone. I see a girl walking next to a cute guy talking, and I wish it were me. I feel like I am missing out a lot in my high school life. Such as events like homecoming, going on dates, having relationships...things like that. I guess I still have a lot of time left in my life, but I don't know... thanks everyone for listening, I really needed to get that out lol.
hehe, i have a friend that's just like what you were talking about...she just hangs around the same old friends at her school and she calls me and another friend (since we go to different schools) on nights or weekends. She's very complicated in my opinion, but then again what do i know? lol Well, in days at my school when i'm lonely (but around my friends), i just look around at trees or listen past all the swearing and yelling until i hear birds chirping or trees swaying. it sounds nuts, i know, but, hey, it works for me. Also, be happy! Personally, I am not looking for a relationship as much as a friendship. I haven't really had a lot of either, which i think is somewhat sad...but, be happy your in high school! i'm a junior, only have about four good friends, and am often the silent one either staring at the ground as i walk or admiring ceiling tiles in class lol. i'm satisfied for now. I often think i could be "more than myself" and not so boring, but...oh well. Okay, enough about me.
Go stag, nk! I went to my senior prom stag, which might seem totally lame, but I'm really glad I did. But I hear you on the whole impending-loneliness lonely feeling. It's tough.
yes and almost yes. god, i remember when i first started to come out (i came out first to a friend, and then i came out to my parents about 2 weeks later), i basicly made myself start telling people because i was depressed. I felt alone, and my depression started to show. I dropped behind in school, kinda stuck to myself, couldnt sleep much, ect. Thank goodness i started talking. It seems like the more people i am open to the better i feel. lol, the biggest reason i get depressed now is because most of my friends are hot.
Ok, just for a change, I'm going to give the happy note here nk, I used to feel exactly the same way you do. And I used to be by myself all day long, never talking nor caring about people arround me. Then I met this girl, she was great, she got the best of me (or what at that time was the best anyway) and she actually helped me out of my depression. People started talking, I drifted away, started to spend time by myself in school. Some nights I would call her, pick her up, and we would just go out and have fun. I think I told this story here before, but once, in a party, I took her aside and told her that I loved her as a friend, and nothing more, and that nothing more could ever happen. She didn't get it, I told her I would explain some time later, as some friends were coming our way. Almost a year after that I came out to her. Every girl I started to talk with actually 'fell' for me. I ended up coming out to them... XD On the other hand, I used to have no friends, until thanks to some miracle I met someone over the internet that pointed me to friends of his that were living in Paraguay. Oh, I contacted them, and it's been three years now... I don't think I'd be talking here if it wasn't for them... Now we go out almost three or four times a week, and we spend all night together until dawn. We just hang out, talk, make jokes... it's amazing. So, i guess what I want to say is that... well, although things might look dark right now, they always get better... it's cosmic balance... everything tends to balance... so... hang in there, let the crappy highschool years go by, they were my most unhappy time. Things will improve... Oh, yeah, I started (thanks to popboy, I might add) to look at personal ads... so... I think I'm in the way to cover the last part of my life that is still tied to the abyss(sp?) of depression.
