I am writing this to set myself at ease and hopefully to get a few answers. I am a 21-year old guy and I am really confused with my sexual orientation. When I was younger I was never happy with myself and hated the way I looked even though I have never considered myself unattractive. For some reason, I started fantasizing about being someone else (especially my best friend at the time) and even had a list of better-looking boys whose life I desired badly. During puberty, these fantasies did become erotic and I often thought about these other boys while pleasuring myself, still desiring to be like them. To be them. Even though I had these thoughts, I never used to have sexual fantasies with boys. I still sought out girls, made out with girls and dated girls, even though I always thought of other guys and how they looked. Eventually, my guy-thoughts did become sexual, and I started watching and alternating between straight and gay porn. I have kissed many girls in my life but I've only had sex three times, and I'm always really anxious about performing because I am not sure if I am straight or not. I go partying a lot and when I'm sober I am honestly all about girls, but drunk-me is always horny for boys, and the other day I could not stand the uncertainty anymore and I secretly made out with a guy just to figure myself out. I kind of liked it but I am afraid to do it again. I am confused because I still like girls emotionally but I am not as attracted to their bodies anymore unless they are really attractive, and I don't think I could be with a guy emotionally but I am turned on by men's bodies, and I now mostly watch gay porn, and I think guys are hot will still seeking out girls. I don't understand myself. I struggle daily with these bisexual thoughts that are becoming less bisexual and gayer every day. I still think women are beautiful and I want to be with them, although I feel like my body is refusing and that's why my relationships are always failing. I don't know what to do and not knowing who I am is killing me. What do you think about my story? Any thoughts/advice?
