I need to rant a bit. No one needs to read, i just feel like im going crazy. Ive been slowly improving over the last few months, and then 1 night messes everything up. I got drunk and then came out to someone, didnt go well, i freaked out drank lots more. From what i can remember about over 2 bottles of wine and half bottle of vodka. Probably more. I blacked out. Cant remember most of the night. I just have flash backs. I had a full panic attack in front of a friend. Kept shouting calling myself a f*ggot. Lost my phone, my wallet, lots of money. Ended up miles away with half my clothes missing as well. I have no idea how any of it happened or how i got to where i ended up. Police had to be called. Im afraid im going to lose my job. Some of my friends know, they probably hate me now. I havent slept properly since. Went to doctors last night and she refused to give me sleeping pills. Gave me some stupid drowsy meds instead. So took double dose last night to try and get sleep. Woke up still drowsy, no choice but to go to work. Coffee made things worse. Im basically mess at the minute. Need to try and calm down, or everything is going to fall apart. I dont know how to fix this.
Well calm down, everyone makes a mistake. If they are good friends, they'll forgive you, and if they are great friends they probably won't let you drink any more. It sounds like you have zero alcohol tolerance. And mixing wine and vodka, probably a terrible idea any time. Also double dosing the sleep meds; not a good idea either. Might have been why the doc didn't give you stronger stuff cause she thought you might abuse it. The first step in fixing it, is admitting you made a couple poor choices. Which you pretty much did already with your post. I would definitely suggest staying away from booze, and try some cardio exercise to help you feel tired.
this reminds me of me. hey it's called 'liquid courage' for a reason. I don't know you that well but it sounds like you're having a difficult time. This isn't something I tell a lot of people. but a little over 5 yrs. ago I had a bad experience w/ pills and alcohol. so please be careful.
I would describe alchohal as liquid cognitive impairment instead of courage but it seems to have the effect of making people feel invincible. Which is unfortunate when combined with the reduced ability to deal with the things you really aren't invincible to.
