Well... not too sure how to start, as I have never posted anything like this, and not opened up to anyone. However this is getting to my head a bit too much, and I need some advice. I met my best mate over 3 years ago. We started off by going pubs, playing pool, watching football, going gym etc. We've been good mates, and I really liked him, he was a real friend. At the time i was seeing my friend (girl), for over a year and we used to meet up and talk about life, have a drink and we kissed quite a lot of times. I used to tell him about her, and he was telling me to go for it... a few months later, we suddenly stopped talking, he was ignoring me, and I was driving past his GF house, and they saw me. I wanted to speak to him, but he got really angry and we stopped talking for almost a year. I used to get a message "merry Christmas" or happy birthday. I missed him quite a lot, but I thought that might be a chance for me to get on with my life. I tried, and I went for a date with this girl (well, I didnt manage and she went out clubbing). I got a message from my mate with a picture with that girl, and him saying "I heard you didnt turn up to a date". That's when we weren't talking. I met him for a joint that day, and we haven't spoken again for a while. I started going out with this girl, but that wasnt working out. I liked her a lot, but I had my mate at the back of my head the whole time and couldn't stop thinking about it. When I met him, after 11 months (since first stopped talking)he needed a favour. At that time we started talking and being good mates again. After a while he split up with his girlfriend and started dating another girl. We were supposed to go on holiday, but that got cancelled because something has happened (in his relationship), he was apologising and saying he doesn't want to lose a friend because of that. After a while, they broke up and he has been single since then (about 6 months now). We meet very often, almost every day. We usually watch movies, play some games, go pub and now recently started gym. When we were on a holiday with the lads few weeks ago, there was some jokes going around that I am gay etc. I got really annoyed with that, so I asked my mate what was it about, why they were saying it. And he just said it was just jokes and he went silent. I dont know what is wrong with me, I never felt like this before, I was raised and always thought I was straight, but since i met him, he just got stuck in my head. And to be honest, none of the girls I was with, I really loved. To be fair, up until this point... I never had this feeling, but I think I have fallen in love with my best mate. I cant stop thinking about him, when I see him... he makes me smile, i have butterflies in my stomach. I stare at him, and I think he realised that, because he rarely looks into my eyes, just looks away. I always big him up, how good of a friend he is and that I don't want to loose him as a friend. We had quite a few arguments, over silly things... he is a very manly man, doesn't really touch anyone, doesn't open up, had loads of girlfriends before, he is basically known in out town as a player/girl shagger. He mentioned about us doing a threesome with some girl before, when he had few drinks. Recently I have told him that my head isn't right, and I apologised as I been having a random go at him. And he calls me down, saying that it offends him. Before he would just get pissed off and stop talking. I also mentioned that if I told him something, we might not be friends. (He replied "that's deep"). And next day like every other day, we met up played some pool, watched Netflix etc. We are just living our lifes, he wants us to open a business, and was thinking of getting a house together. I feel like we're good as friends, but he is such an amazing person, some things he does, or things he is going through make me want to give him a hug. I only hugged with him once, when he was going away for a funeral. I'm sorry, this might be a little confusing what I am saying, but there's so much to say, I can write a book. I hope you get an idea where I'm coming from. I think he is completely straight, however I never seen him in a really long relationship, and seen him saying that he prefers to spend time with friends than girlfriend... hes also got a kid. I can't get with anyone, because it just doesn't let me stop thinking about him. I recently tried with a girl, she was great, but I think I preferred to stay friends, but she liked me a lot more. She started hanging out with my sister, and are quite good friends. I have met a guy almost a year ago, as known him before when I thought he was straight (had a gf) and now he's proper gay. I told him how I feel, so i can get some advice, but he started being obsessed with me! He was driving to my work, follow me, message me, I told him that I'm not interested in him, and he said that he's not either, but he was lying! He was so angry with me, he met the girl I was seeing and told her everything about me. She got really upset and told me she won't tell anyone. I haven't spoken to her for a while, but I'm scared that my mate is going to find out. What can I do? I really dont want to lose such an amazing friend, but seeing him everyday, makes me feel stupid. I act like there's not a problem (sometimes I go quiet, or zoned off), he keeps asking what's up etc. And him being my best mate, I feel like I should tell him... but I dont know if should, how, when etc... or should i leave it like it is, distance myself and try to lose that feeling? (Sounds impossible) Thanks guys!